I’m Turning 30 and I’m Okay With It

7thMarch2010

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

I was surprised to see that one of my posts included in The BlogHer Community’s Most Loved Posts of 2009 was actually something I wrote back in 2007. In that post, written a few months after I turned 27, I talked about approaching 30. Now that I’m three months shy of my 30th birthday, I thought it was time to readdress it.

When I wrote about this subject three years ago, I said that turning 30 didn’t seem like a scary or unwelcome prospect but I was leaving the possibility open that I might change my mind. I’m very glad to say that I haven’t changed my mind.

In 2007, I’d been living in northern Virginia for almost a year. Since then I’ve changed apartments a few times, I have a different job, and I know a lot of people that I didn’t know back then. I like my life. I like where I am. I like the decisions I’ve made. Given those factors, there’s no reason to dread entering a new decade.

I did quite a bit in my 20s. I drove cross-country by myself. Lived in Amsterdam for five months when I did a semester abroad in college. Developed and overcame an eating disorder. Finished my bachelor’s degree. Struggled through a quarterlife crisis. Donned a bridesmaid dress four times. Gambled in Las Vegas. Visited the Grand Canyon, Red Rocks Amphiteatre, and Yellowstone National Park. So much more than I can recall off the top of my head, in fact.

I’m looking forward to a new decade because I know how much I’ve changed in the past ten years and I have a feeling my 30s are going to be pretty cool, too.

For one thing, I’m giving myself the best 30th birthday present I could think of. I’ve wanted to return to Europe ever since I came home from my semester abroad five years ago, and I finally decided this year would be the year. I’ll be gone from late April through the first part of May (I’m planning to stay for two weeks), and will visit three cities in the Netherlands, along with Berlin, Prague, Vienna, and Budapest. I’m extremely excited about it.

Of course there are a number of things I wish I would have done by now that I haven’t, but those are my own expectations. I don’t feel burdened by anyone else’s thoughts about where I should be or what I should have accomplished by now. And to be honest, I’m kind of hoping there’s something ultra-cool in store for me in my 30s that I haven’t even thought of yet.

Related Reading:

My good friend Janet from Slice of Pink recently wrote 30 Before 30, The Epilogue. I loved her list because there were a number of untypical things on there, which, if you know Janet, is exactly what you’d expect from her. And she rocked it.

Inspired by Janet, Pretty Green Girl came up with her own “30 Before 30″ list.

As My Life Is reminisces on good and bad things that have happened to her between the ages of 21 and 30.

Anita will be turning 30 in six months. She plans to initiate something on her blog called “30 to celebrate 30″ — a series of 30 posts about 30 people/things/places that have been very important to her over the last 30 years.

Posted at 11:32 pm in BlogHer | Comments (7)

Online Dating: Sometimes You Just Need a Break

28thFebruary2010

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

I’ve been a member of an online dating site since July 2008; I’ve never suspended or canceled the service since it was activated. It’s always there, ready for me to use if I feel like it, but my frequency of use has varied widely. There have been times where I met three new people in one week, and other times where I’ve met the same number of people in a month or more.

In an even more drastic change of pace, I’ve only met one new person through online dating in the past three months. I’ve seen that person about eight times, but getting together has been haphazard. In other words, I’m not dating him exclusively because I don’t want to see other people, I just haven’t met anyone else that I want to go out with.

I’ve decided not to see this person anymore, but right now logging into my online dating account doesn’t hold a lot of appeal either. When I log in, it feels like the profiles start to run together — everyone sounds the same, so it’s hard to differentiate one person from the next.

People tend to say the same things over and over. If I have to read “I really don’t do the club scene anymore, but I like going to bars,” or “I’m looking for someone who enjoys going out but also likes to spend a night relaxing with a movie on the couch,” I’ll probably put my fist through the computer screen. (It’s fine if you like those things. It’s just that they’re so common to so many people, it should be assumed.)

Instead of wading through profiles that just end up frustrating me, I’ve been able to remind myself of all the other things out there to do. For instance, it’s nice to hang out with existing friends — people that I already know I like — instead of someone that I’m probably only going to see once or twice.

I’m not trashing online dating. I was positive about it when I wrote my Online Dating, One Year Later recap post last summer, and I still feel that way. I wouldn’t change anything. I guess, just like with anything else, if you do something long enough you’re going to get bored with it. Or at least need a break once in a while.

I don’t feel like I’m at the point where I want to cancel it completely, though. I’m not bothered by the fee. (Even though I only stay in touch with a few of the guys I’ve met since I started online dating, having them in my life has been worth the money and time I’ve spent with all the others who have come and gone.) So I’ll keep it, at least for a little while longer.

Related Reading:

Lady Brett: Things Not To Do When Dating Me (Before, During or After)

Athena Stars gives us 30 Signs You’re Dating A Jerk.

This blogger was frustrated with dating the same type of guy until she found her now-husband on Match.

New York Times: In the Calculations of Online Dating, Love Can Be Cruel

New York Times: Breaking up in a Digital Fishbowl

Posted at 3:49 pm in BlogHer | Comments (7)

Space-Saving Tips for Small Homes

21stFebruary2010

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

Ever since I moved into a studio in January, I find myself drawn to stories and photos of other studio apartments, as well as the people who live in them. I want to know how they arrange their furniture, and if living in a smaller space suits them. I wonder if their space feels crowded because they’re trying to fit too much into a limited amount of square footage or if everything flows like it should.

I’ve discovered that some people prefer to live in small spaces. There’s less upkeep involved, less to clean, and less furniture to buy to fill large rooms that you may not be using.

I don’t like to keep stuff around that I’m not using, so although I’m aware of various space-saving measures — hiding storage items in ottomans that open up, or in flat plastic containers I could slide under my bed — I haven’t needed to utilize them.

When I moved from my last location to my current place, the kind people who helped me move remarked on my very manageable amount of boxes and furniture. That was purposeful on my part — I always purge things I don’t want anymore when I move from one place to another. (In fact, I’d just dropped off six big bags of stuff at a thrift store the weekend before.)

I’ve noticed that when I meet someone and find out they live in a studio, I tend to start asking questions. I want to know if they separate their living area from their sleeping area, or if they keep the room open. I inquire about the use of room dividers. I wonder if they like their space or if they’d trade up for a larger area if they could (there are some people who say they wouldn’t).

Apartment Therapy has a number of good posts related to space-saving solutions and decorating tips for small areas.

4 Small Space Solutions In One Space

You Know When You Live In a Small Space When…

5 Tips For Arranging Your Studio Apartment

Tips For Making A Small Apartment Feel Bigger

At 102 square feet, this studio apartment is only 1/5 the size of mine(!).

Other Resources:

New York Times: A Roomy 178 Square Feet

Home Interiors Zone showcases 19 Amazing Furniture Designs To Make The Most Out Of Tiny Apartment Space

Related blogs:

Malnurtured Snay lives in a studio apartment and shows an example of another studio arrangement that he loves.

Diplotette just moved to Washington, DC to become a Foreign Service Officer, and she’s proud of the $1,100 per month studio she was able to find in Logan Circle.

Miss Moss says Small is Cool.

Darling Dexter recently moved into a studio with her husband and dog.

What’s your favorite way to save space in a small home?

Posted at 9:51 pm in BlogHer | Comments (4)

Thoughts on Valentine’s Day

14thFebruary2010

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

Every year in the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, we inevitably read the same kind of material as we did the year before: articles about how not to be depressed if you don’t have a date; tips on what to buy your sweetie if you have one; people who are depressed and bitter about their single status; and people like me who say the holiday doesn’t bother them one bit.

I’ve had my personal blog for over seven years, and up until 2007 I didn’t bother addressing the holiday at all (I confirmed this today when I went looking through my archives to refresh my memory). But I did write about it in 2007, and then again in 2009.

Do you know what means a lot more to me than cards, candy, flowers, and other miscellaneous gifts? The relationships I have with people. Yesterday, I had two male friends meet me at a furniture sale in DC and then we all went out to lunch. That afternoon, I spent time in Georgetown with another male friend and we went out to dinner. And then last night I went to a bar to celebrate a girlfriend’s birthday. Today my friend Jeff (who I met through blogging) answered my distress call when he brought over a shovel and dug my car out of its snowy parking spot.

V-Day Car-Digging

(I realized after the fact that he was wearing a red coat. Happy Valentine’s Day, indeed!)

All of the things I just mentioned make me very happy. I don’t feel deprived or sad, and I definitely don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything.

If Valentine’s Day is about celebrating relationships, then I’ve got it covered.

Here’s what other people are writing about Valentine’s Day:

Kris at Not a Girl, Not Yet a Wino has a message for All the Single Ladies. It’s a must-read.

It’s Valentine’s Day. If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re single, because those who are partnered are likely pulling their SO’s hair out of the shower drain. Now please don’t start crying, because I don’t have a lot of tissues in the house, and toilet paper will do nothing for your skin. It’s okay to be single. No; I don’t care what your mother said. It’s okay to be single, and if that’s where you are this year you’re doing just fine.

Bella DePaulo always gives an awesome, honest, straight-up perspective about being single. She wrote this post as a reaction to another Psychology Today contributor’s post called To be or not to be (in love): That is the question. Read that link first and then read Bella’s response.

I hate the thought that I would ever refer to myself as being bitter on Valentine’s Day (so far I never have), but some people do use that term because it is the way they’re feeling. The lovely Stephanie Quilao writes:

I know. I know. I should be grown up and just get over it like any other mature adult but I’m just going to be honest and admit that a part of me still feels a little bit of the bitter sting around the heart more because I thought I would have at least had a serious relationship by now, but I do not. If I think about it too much, it makes me want to bundle myself up in a sleeved blanket of fleece and cry me a river with Justin Timberlake. Say hello to my woeful drama queen side.

However, she realizes this isn’t the best attitude for her to have and goes on to list give things to people can do to not be miserable on Valentine’s Day.

Ryane just turned 38 and writes about being single, never married. (I met her in person a few weeks ago. She’s both stunning and delightful.)

So much time is given to disecting the single woman’s life. Is she too picky? Is she a slut? Is she expecting too much? Does she try too hard? I’m sure married folk and those in long-term relationships bear their own excruciatingly annoying burdens – burdens given to them by society and well-meaning types who only want the best for them, but it’s exhausting. I find I can’t defend my reasons for not wanting to go out every night or make myself painfully ‘available’ at single’s events. I’ve never enjoyed such things and as I get older, their appeal is markedly less.

CosmoPolitician tells us her thoughts on modern love.

I’m known to be pretty outspoken on my views of romantic relationships…but rarely do I ever discuss the L word. It’s not that I’m afraid of love (an all too common misjudgment of a 31 year old single gal). I’ve been in love. I’ve been loved. I cringe when coupled up friends remark, “oh, you just haven’t met the right one yet!” It doesn’t often occur to those people that maybe I’m not looking for the right one. Just yet, at least. I refer to this as couple-tunnel vision. Or love goggles. Most people in a relationship (at least happy, healthy relationships) can’t imagine why everyone wouldn’t want to be. [N]ot every single person is actively looking for love.

Maris at In Good Taste gives us the Single Girl’s Guide to Surviving Valentine’s Day.

DO: Remember that it’s only one day a year. February 14 will come and go, but you have 364 other days to show the people you care about that you love them.

Posted at 6:52 pm in BlogHer | Comments (2)