Comments on: LAST NAME: KEEP IT OR CHANGE IT?

By: Veronica

Veronica — Thu, 15 May 2008 18:32:59 +0000

I feel the same as Jaymie, above. I did not work this hard for 27 years to become Ms. Veronica MyLastName, Esquire, to be called Mrs. Future Husband’s Name. ACK, nothing makes me angrier than seeing those words!

By: Jaymie

Jaymie — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:03:53 +0000

I didn’t change my name when I got married, for a few reasons:

1. It’s my name, and I am attached to it. I would feel like I would be giving up my identity of the last 27 years.

2. I had a stepfather, and a mother with a different name and it never seemed to be a problem

3. It still seems very patriarchal

4. He wouldn’t even consider taking my name

5. My name is easier to spell!

Unlike Goodsnake, I don’t see not changing my name as an unwillingness to be part of a team. We were together for a long time before marriage and have made that commitment to stay together, regardless of what we name ourselves.

I have gotten a few remarks from my MIL and even mail (from both families) addressed to Mr. and Mrs. J. Doe. That pisses me off.

By: Mary P

Mary P — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 21:14:58 +0000

My husband and I are from California. When we got married we decided to merge our names together to make a new name (think Smithjones). We debated which name would go first for a while but the one that sounded better was his first, then mine. We got married & our friend, who married us, announced it at the end of the ceremony. None of our friends or family thought twice about it. It seemed very “us” and worked well. We both were attached to our names but wanted the same name for our “family”, and we hate the hyphen option.

When we went to the social security office to change our names they looked at us a bit funny, but didn’t question it. We got out new card right away. Same with driver’s licene, bank, passport. As long as we had our wedding licence, no one questioned. My husband and I had a completely seamless time.

We love our new name & wouldn’t have it any other way.

By: VivaciousVegan

VivaciousVegan — Sat, 03 Feb 2007 00:26:04 +0000

Hi Zan,

I’m really liking the new layout! I changed my name when I got married. I briefly thought about keeping my maiden name but I never liked it much. Plus, I liked the idea of being the Smiths. A joint name that told everyone we were a family.

I did have a friend whose husband changed his name to her last name. His last name was Douche but he always said it was pronounced Doo-Chay but no one ever pronounced it “correctly”. I would have changed my name too if I were him.

By: fw sunshine

fw sunshine — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 03:11:14 +0000

I can’t imagine changing my last name – it’s as much a part of me as my first name. This said, I can’t say that my viewpoint on this would remain the same if I did meet someone and get married. And THAT said, the whole ‘maiden name’ and assuming your husband’s last name is just a wee bit too patriarchal for me. AND…I’ve been independent for so long that to change my name, midway through my life, would be kind of silly.

To each her own, though.

By: Sweet

Sweet — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 14:38:30 +0000

I love my last name. Who knows? Maybe I’ll convince my future husband to take it?

By: janet

janet — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 05:21:07 +0000

I changed mine because I don’t want to worry about it when we have kids, and I don’t want to hyphenate the kids (because when does the hyphenation end???)

I guess I’m just glad that nobody pressured me or anything when I was deciding. It was up to me, and I liked that. I do wish that on average husbands changed their names to the wives names just as much.

(Side note: when your layout changed I think your rss feed address changed, so I wasn’t seeing new posts in my rss reader. thank goodness I noticed and changed it, but I just thought you might want to know?)

By: goodsnake

goodsnake — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 01:54:58 +0000

When I was in college and really into my “feminist” phase, I thought there was no way in hell I would change my name. Why would I be willing to give up my identity for a man, but I also had a very different view of marriage back then.

I will also admit that if I wasn’t with the person I am going to marry that I am sure I would have agreed to change my name. Yet, when I get married in 79 days I am going to change my name and I am very excited about it. So excited in fact that I have already ordered and received the stationary I ordered with my future husband’s and my name on it.

I think it is dependent on the person and the relationship, but I cannot imagine not taking my fiance’s name. We are becoming a team, a unit, a family. It is a symbol of that. I don’t have to worry about divorce because I have no intention of every having one (and for those of you who may think I am naive, you haven’t met my future husband). It has nothing to do with being patriarchal it has everything to do with us wanting to be a unit. I might have made an argument about which name we took, but I had changed my name to my mother’s maiden several years ago to avoid issues that sometimes come from having an ethnic last name. Different people make different choices for different reason, but I can tell you, I don’t feel any less of an independent, dynamic, intelligent, and career-driven woman just because I want to change my name.

By: DefenseEngineer

DefenseEngineer — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 23:35:26 +0000

I think this becomes more of an issue in the current modern age when men and women are getting married later in life. When people got married younger, they had not set up a real identity for themselves with their names (just out of school, who really knows you anyway?). But now, as people are getting married after they have been in their careers for many years, it becomes more of an issue.

Their are many exceptions to my statement. One of which I fall under. I have a heavy family history with which I want to keep connected. My sister wanted the same thing and it was difficult for her to let go of her last name. But ultimately, it was her choice and she decided she wanted to change her name (mainly for the bennefit of the kids). After almost 5 years, I often don’t immediately recognize her new name when I see it pop-up in front of me….

By: Another Chris

Another Chris — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 22:15:09 +0000

Hey Zan! Both of my sisters kept their ‘maiden names’ (such an archaic sounding term, as I sit here in the 21st century typing this) when they wed. I applaud that choice; one of them has had children, and here is a thing you might poll your readers on…the children of my sister both were given my sister’s husband’s last name. I have never really reflected on this, but my sister made the liberated choice of keeping her own last name hen she wed, but both of her sons were–as is tradition–given the husband’s last name as their surname. I wonder why that is…I think that is often how it happens when children are named in such circumstances. I cannot imagine that it is done this way for legal reasons…my sister’s last name is just as legally legitimate as her husband’s…I suspect it was done just because it IS traditional that a child–especially a boy–assume the father’s last name, but really, it doesn’t seem progressive, or liberated at all that the male surname is used, when the female keeps her own last name. Why not a hyphenated surname for the children of such marriages, so both last names are carried on to the future?