Comments on: Marriage: It’s Not For Everyone

By: Don Si

Don Si — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 19:57:44 +0000

Here is what I think about it. Either we’re committed to each other or we’re not, and no piece of paper will make that change for us. Nor do I want to get married just because society tells us we should. I also know that the marriage step is a source of many couple’s demise.

Many of my friends have had women they ended it with because the woman pushed and pushed about marriage. Keep in mind that 63% of marriages ends in divorce. Many couples live happily together without getting married.

To make a solid commitment. That’s a charming one. We are getting married to make it harder to walk away from each other. How romantic.

To make our relationship official. You could achieve that by placing an announcement in the newspaper saying, “We are now official.” You don’t need a caterer to serve champagne in a ballroom just to make it official.

By: Elissa

Elissa — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 13:23:35 +0000

I wanted you to know that I read this post. Since I’m just getting out of a marriage I’m sure that I’m not the one to give advice. But at least I personally know what I want next time…and what shouldn’t be ignored.

By: Ra

Ra — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 12:54:55 +0000

I know every situation is very different, but it seems to me that the majority of my friends who don’t want to get married, seem to do it more for a selfish reason than anything else – they don’t want to be “stuck” with that person “to death do them part” or they think they have more control over “their own” money . . . I’m sure when my parents got married some 25+ years ago they weren’t thinking they’d be “stuck” together forever, but rather looking forward to spending their futures together. Guess it’s all in the eye of the beholder – just seems these days people are a bit more selfish, but that’s just my 2 cents!

By: janet

janet — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 03:30:32 +0000

I’m not sure my views on marriage can be wrapped up into one nice little blog comment, especially because it’s all still pretty new to me. I think because I’m still new to it and fairly young, I cannot appreciate all of the complexities of truly promising your whole life to someone, but I will just do my best every day to live by my vows and I hope that in the end we have a really long string a days that have somehow created a long and lasting marriage. I guess I try not to think of it much bigger than that, or it can get really daunting.

One thing I feel most strongly about is allowing same sex couples to marry. It is heartbreaking to me that our government doesn’t allow that.

By: alektra

alektra — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 23:11:28 +0000

Oddly enough, I agree with an atheist commenter. I don’t think that marriage should be the realm of the government. My faith believes certain things about marriage, and I don’t want people confusing that with what civil unions determine. Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s…

I do think that anyone who has a faith where marriage is important finds the benefits of that view of marriage in their lives. However, I also come from a faith where our leaders are not married to people. Marriage for our religious is a commitment to the Lord and His Church.

Marriage in our secular culture is quick and easy, but it should involve more thought. The damage divorce does to families is unfair to those who have no choice. We often think of children, but it affects many. The rest of the ex-spouses’ families have to take on great burdens when a person married someone who is not right for them. Coworkers and friends have to help and try to repair the damage. I’m not saying they shouldn’t. I just wish that no one ever had to go through divorce or a bad marriage.

I don’t think most people should get married the way we look at it now: wedding more important than the marriage. Too much in our culture is built on the assumption that a marriage will be successful. It is up to each of us to act like the adults we are supposed to be.

By: Alyndabear

Alyndabear — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 21:01:28 +0000

I don’t think of marriage as a contract, as cheesy as that sounds – I believe that it is a simple choice (or not so simple?) that people make IF it feels right to their relationship.

I don’t feel any less of a person because J & I aren’t married – but I know that when it happens, I’ll be looking forward to that next step. But I’ll stick to the age old fence sitter… everyone feels different about it.

By: Katyola

Katyola — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 20:44:59 +0000

Having written about the gay marriage debate, I see a real value to marriage â€” if for no other reason than the question of paperwork. If, god forbid, your partner goes into a coma or vegetative status, the decision to live or die would be up to the parents â€” who might have a completely different point of view from the partner. If you are married, though, this question would likely not arise.

Also, wills and custody agreements between unmarried partners become more complicated if there is a court challenge. Third, I think it benefits children if the parents are married. I’m not advocating that people stay in unhappy marriages for the kids, but if you are going to be together, why not be married to protect your children’s interests?

By: Ron

Ron — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 20:02:06 +0000

I’m very single, and I’d probably hit myself in the forehead with a hammer if I thought it would do any good. But it wouldn’t.

By: Vivacious Vegan

Vivacious Vegan — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 18:18:10 +0000

I don’t believe in the institution of marriage. I am an atheist and I think that marriage is largely a religious ceremony that should be kept out of government affairs. I believe that our government should recognize all current and future marriages as domestic partnerships (or insert some other pc term here) and any adult couple (including homosexuals) would be eligible to apply, be legalized, and be entitled to all government benefits. If people still wanted to get “married” then they would be welcome to have those ceremonies performed by their churches or in whatever other fashion they desired. Then those churches could choose to enforce their own rules about who qualifies under their beliefs for marriage and could therefore discriminate against whomever they wanted. The discriminated against party could then choose not to belong to that church or other institution. Obviously I don’t have all the details worked out but basically, I think the government has no right to discriminate against anyone and the problem of discrimination seems to largely stem from the religious community.

So there’s my long-winded tangent about why I don’t believe in the institution of marriage. That being said, I am happily married. Marty & I were married by a friend who was deputized for the occasion and we wrote our own vows.

We chose to get married because we wanted to be entitled to the legal benefits our government gives people who are married. Check out this website for a small list of the over 1,400 State and Federal benefits available to married persons only http://tinyurl.com/cud2h. For Marty & I the most concerning benefit was the ability to create a Living Trust together and the ability to make medical decisions in an emergency situation.

We both realize that this certificate doesn’t tie either of us to the marriage. Looking at the divorce statistics, I’d have to say that the certificate isn’t any kind of guarantee of stability or lasting power.

Like Geeky, Ms. Jared’s comment bothered me. I do not feel that Marty is my other “half” and that I am not a whole person without him. He is a partner and a friend that compliments me. I enjoy his company so much so that I don’t want to be without it.

By: lisamoon

lisamoon — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 17:28:15 +0000

fascinating topic! what is amazing is that we can all have our viewpoints and live our lives how we choose. we can marry. we can not marry. we can live with a lifepartner and have kids and not be married. or be married and choose to remain childless. we can be single and satisfied or single and somber. we can be two men, two women, two women and a man, two men and a woman…(may same sex marriage be one day soon recognized with the same respect and deep legality as heterosexual marriage in our whole country!) having a choice is what is profound to me! thank goodness for that!