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(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

A good friend of mine just celebrated her first wedding anniversary. She and her partner got serious pretty quickly after they met; she moved in with him after just a few days, and they’ve been happy ever since. In the beginning though, friends on both sides told them they couldn’t possibly be in love because it was too soon. There was no way they could have such strong feelings for each other in such a short period of time.

I started looking for blog posts written by people who “knew” when they had found love. I used search terms like “when I knew I was in love” and “knew he was the one.” But the examples I found weren’t the kind of things I think of when I imagine what true love might be. Sure, there are sparks and feelings of attraction. You might feel an instant connection and realize how much the two of you have in common. But true love?

I recently read a blog post that said true, unstoppable love is when two people cannot stand the thought of being apart — regardless of possible hardships or seemingly insurmountable odds. I like that. It sounds like true love is likely to sneak up on a person. It’s something that happens whether you want it to or not.

Several months ago, RA wrote a post on this topic for a relationship blog (she’s no longer a contributor, but you can check her out at her personal blog). In the beginning of her relationship, she questioned whether she was in love because she didn’t think she was having the “typical” experience she’d heard so much about (and in actuality, it was an experience she didn’t care to have). The best part is what happened when she asked her then-boyfriend (now husband) about it:

When JG and I were dating, I remember asking myself if I was in love. I also remember feeling guilty because I didn’t know. Wasn’t that a bad sign? I felt like I was missing out on some grandiose sensation, during which music should swell and slow-motion should take effect. I approached our relationship rather pragmatically — as I did with most other issues — so I looked for evidence that would help me come to a conclusion. What did “being in love” entail? What were the behaviors involved? What criteria would lead to a positive result?

But then, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to be in love. I polled my college friends about this concept and they all described fluffy feelings that weren’t attractive to me at all. I didn’t want my head in the clouds, my feet walking on air, or my heart leaping all the time. It sounded rather like being under the influence, if you asked me.

Finally, I asked JG if he thought he was in love with me and what he even thought that meant. He considered my (rather loaded) question for a little while and said, “I don’t think it matters whether I’m in love. I just know that I love you.”

I get inspiration for topics sometimes by reading Kat’s blog. I’d saved this post of hers a while back, and it fits with the current subject (check out the full post for some interesting quotes). I liked it because Kat admits that she doesn’t quite know the answer to the question (“What is love?”) either.

[I]t kind of stumped me. I mean, I know what love feels like because I’ve experienced it a handful of times in my life, although I know there have been many times when I confused lust for love. And even though I am rarely at a loss for words, I’m not so sure I can articulate what love is without sounding like a bunch of bad Hallmark cards. [...]

In many ways, I view love in the way that Supreme Justice Potter Stewart tried to describe porn and obscenity — I know it when I see it. Or, more accurately, I know what it’s not by what I see. Like, I don’t understand how people who claim to love each other put each other down, or treat each other with contempt or disrespect. This is love? I think not!

But one thing I do know — love doesn’t limit, it expands. It doesn’t exclude, it includes. It demands you to be open to more, not less.

Balkanbeauty said she realized she was in love when she stopped being selfish.

So many go through life without understanding what love feels like. I’ve known so many people who have claimed that they are in love every time they meet another beautiful face. These are the people who never find love, because they are too busy looking for it. [...]

“Love is when you care more about someone else then you do yourself.” This [explanation] hit a little closer to home. I’m selfish…it’s true. I really care more about myself than anyone else…that was until August 18th, 2006. I remember to the moment when I knew I was in love. When I looked into his eyes I saw the world. Cliched, I know. But that’s the only way I can describe it. After that everything about him meant more to me; his well-being, his happiness, all meant more to me than my own. [...]

Love is an accident. It is a compromise. It is a choice. Love is learning to let go of yourself in place of another, becoming one in the process.

If you’ve been in love (or currently love someone), is there a moment when you “just knew” or did it sneak up on you?