(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
I met a woman a few years ago who, during our first meeting, went into great detail about her plans for her wedding day. From the colors to the cake to the engagement ring, she had it all picked out. I asked her when the event would be taking place. She answered, “Oh, I don’t even have a boyfriend.”
I’ve been to a big, fancy wedding, held in a huge Catholic church with a reception at a country club. Then last summer I was the maid of honor in a friend’s wedding where the vows were exchanged outside and the reception was on a much smaller scale. What did both of these events have in common? They both took place in a single day. The planning and preparation were different, but both of them were held and completed in roughly the same amount of time.
I’ve never tried to plan the details of a possible future wedding in advance. I don’t have a dress picked out, I don’t go to jewelry stores to try on diamond rings, and I don’t visit possible venues or flower shops. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with doing this, but it seems like a lot of time and effort for an event that can take months to plan but is over in just a few hours. Some people care so much that they’re proud to call themselves “Bridezillas,” and now there’s even a TV show about it.
Blogging Barbie reminds me of that woman I once met.
I have a confession to make.
Despite being all about the fun, single girl lifestyle who doesn’t have to answer to anyone but herself (at least for right now), I’m obsessed with weddings. Like, have a membership to TheKnot.com, buys Modern Bride and Martha Stewart Weddings magazines obsessed. Don’t worry, they’re very much hidden and tucked away when any potential suitors are around. Wouldn’t want to, you know, freak them out with torn out pictures of engagement rings I love. Not that I do that, or anything. But oh! How I get downright giddy at the thought of table decorations and centerpieces. White tents (donning white X-mas lights, of course)? The sheer romanticness of it all! And the dresses, my god, the dresses. Add in sparkly rings to choose from, party favors and flowers (LOTS OF FLOWERS!), and all that love and happiness and being surrounded by friends and family and celebrating and dancing with the help of an open bar and DUDE, WHERE DO I SIGN UP. Not that I plan on getting married anytime soon — because as my father so kindly pointed out: “bloggingbarbie, you have the perfect wedding planned — now all you’re missing is one minor detail…the groom.”
Cinthia says she’s so obsessed with weddings that she would marry anyone who has “money to spare on the fesitivities.”
I have recently become obssessed with the idea of getting married. Sheer madness, I know. [...]
Yet I am so taken with the idea of being a bride-to-be that I’d be willing to marry anyone who would volunteer to the task provided he had plenty of money to spare on the festivities. The truth is, it isn’t so much the conjugal lifestyle as it is the actual wedding that I am hopelessly longing for.
G of Read This has a post about how to be a Bridezilla in one easy step.
So everyone talks about “Bridezillas”. I certainly hope I don’t become one of them. But I think I know how they come to be….
Whenever you talk to a vendor at a bridal fair, or in their shop, they always say (several times) “Just do whatever YOU want.” “It’s YOUR day, it should be everything YOU dreamed of…” blah blah. The vendors start all of it!! They bring it on themselves (probably trying to get you to spend more money to make everything PERFECT for the BIG day). It is the same way people become vain – after hearing something ump-teen million times, you start to believe it…then more and more…. voila! Bridezilla created!
Colleen doesn’t want to be a Bridezilla and wanted to make sure she wouldn’t be seen that way.
Months went by without us even setting a date, but that didn’t stop me from buying at least a half dozen Bridal magazines and subscribing to every wedding stationary and favor magazines along with signing up for e-zines and newsletters regarding weddings. Some days my mailbox and email inbox is so full of “wedding stuff” that it’s almost overbearing.
But one e-zine that I recently received got me wondering — t was entitled “How to tame your Bridezilla; Top Five tips for Men to Survive their special day.” [...]So I reluctantly read the e-zine and realized that I was in no way their definition of a Bridezilla and that there’s still time to change the course I’m on if I am on my way to the infamous title.
With that worrying out of the way, that frees up a lot of time for me to prepare binders for each of the wedding party members with a complete list of wedding and reception do’s and don’ts, how they should part their hair and what songs they should/shouldn’t dance to at the reception…just kidding.
With all the focus on Bridezillas and how they obsess over every detail, Nopinkertons thinks that maybe she isn’t obsessed enough.
People appear to visit dozens of venues before picking “the one”. We visited three. The dress search seems to usually comprise a hunt involving months of legwork; I got mine in a single intense frenzy of two hours. I read about brides who have hard-negotiated prices from florists, photographers, venues, etc.; if I get a price that’s too high, I go elsewhere. [...]
Is “good enough” really good enough, or am I cheating myself by not being very specific and demanding, by not exhausting every option to be sure I choose the best? I think it’s a symptom of the bridezilla culture that I’m even wondering this. I mean, this is usually how I make decisions in my regular life, too: I check out a few options, then go with the one I like best and don’t worry too much about all the ones I haven’t seen. So far my somewhat-spontaneous and not-rigorously-researched decisions have generally worked out.
Leslie never thought she would obsess about her wedding until she actually became engaged.
One year ago exactly was the eve of Roy’s official proposal. I did not know then what this proposal and subsequent engagement would do to me and my life. Ever since then, I have become a wedding planning fiend. I have nightmares about guests showing up early and expecting to be entertained right then. I wake up distressing over flowers. I have spent almost a year obsessing over details – from centerpieces to programs to the “problem” of being a bride in glasses.
I have become convinced that the wedding industry is poison that slowly seeps into the veins of the most practical woman and makes her into some sort of monster bride. It certainly has happened to me. I never daydreamed about my wedding, because weddings aren’t my thing. Deep down I didn’t ever really think I would get married. Once Roy put the ring on my finger, all bets were off. I almost immediately became connected with The Knot, one of the most popular wedding websites around. The Knot has been both a blessing and a curse. I have come to know some fabulous women and have had the opportunity to really personalize my wedding. However, being a member of The Knot has also made me extremely competitive in a way I never was before. I have become obsessed with having the most beautiful wedding, even though I know it’s not the wedding that matters. I truly know this. And yet still I plan, and still I obsess. It isn’t healthy, but maybe, just maybe, it’s necessary.
Are you (or have you ever been) obsessed with weddings?
19 Comments
I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed with weddings, but I AM intrigued by them. Because I’m not in that stage of the relationship yet (albeit close, I hope..) I tend to look on with fascination – I love shows like Bridezilla and the rest, gives me a bit of a taste of crazy.
It seems that these days you’re one of three spots – you’re wedding obsessed, you’re NOT wedding obsessed or you’re on the fence. Or you’re like me, content to watch and learn and continue being fascinated!
Ahhh…weddings. I’m a little strange when it comes to this topic. Growing up, I had so many ideas in mind, what type of gown I would want to wear, the location, the cake, the rings, even smaller details. As I’ve gotten older though (remaining single) I’ve realized that it’s not about the perfect dress that ends up in a closet, the ring that will never be as nice as someone else’s, or the cake that’s gone within an hour, but about the love that you can find in someone else. My ideas of my possible wedding day have changed drastically and I now want something smaller and more intimate. (if it happens of course) I do, however, still enjoy watching other women go crazy on the “bridezilla” shows. :)
I’m obsessed with planning. If I know I have a big event/milestone coming up, even if it’s months away, I will obsessively drown myself in information so that when it’s finally time to make a decision, I already know what direction I am going in because I’ve mulled it over for longer than is really necessary.
Truth is, the idea of having a wedding terrifies me. I hate being the center of attention. Plus, have you seen what the average wedding costs these days? Ten thousand dollars is considered a low budget wedding. I really don’t want to spend that much money on something that is only going to last a few hours, if that.
Not suprisingly, I was relieved when my boyfriend suggested last night that we could just have a small ceremony in front of a judge. Whew. Thank goodness! The idea of getting married doesn’t seem nearly as nerve-wracking now.
BTW, I LOVE Bridezillas! And Platinum Weddings. I hate weddings but I love wedding shows. Go figure.
There is something about weddings that just suck me in, too, but when I got married, I was definitely not a Bridezilla. I didn’t plan anything before we were engaged (or before I knew my husband for that matter). I didn’t buy a single bridal magazine or register on any website. On the actual wedding day I didn’t really care all that much, anyway. Yet I do love attending weddings and looking at wedding pictures and I have suggested to my husband a time or two how fun it would be to get married again. He just looks at me funny. Ultimately, it is the love and excitement of a new life together, etc. that makes me giddy, but all the details that go into the party are definitely fun, too.
i agree with leslie, i think there is something that happens when a woman gets engaged (if not before) and they go crazy. i have not met one woman, NOT ONE, who didn’t act out of character when it came to her wedding. not all women become bridezillas, but all women become MORE bridezilly than you would have ever thought that particular woman would ever be.
like leslie, before i got engaged i had no interest in getting married, let alone in a wedding. yet i wore a $3000 wedding dress. i fucking THREW A BOUQUET. i wasn’t a bridezilla in any definition of the word — i let my two bridesmaids pick their own dresses and to this day i don’t know what wedding “colors” are, but sweet jebus, people i posed for a professional photographer to take a picture of me and the groom cutting into a $300 cake! if anyone knows me at all, they know that i clearly was not in my right mind when i planned that wedding. but it’s not just me. to this day i have not met one woman who has seemed to me to be fully in her right mind when she planned her wedding. and that is why, even if i ever get married again, i will absolutely positively NOT ever have another wedding.
I admit to reading the Featured Wedding slideshow at TheKnot every week and watching “Engaged and Underage” every so often, but it’s more that I like enjoying weddings vicariously. I had mine, it’s over, and I’m cool with that. I was relieved when the planning process was over (what with finishing school and job-hunting) and I loved my JCrew dress and our picnic food. These days, I will gladly dress up and dance at a friend’s affair. I wouldn’t say that I’m obsessed, but I enjoy eavesdropping on the whole thing.
On the flip slide, I hate hate hate the wedding industry and all of its coercive nonsense. I hate that the average wedding cost is up around $30K. I hate that jobs like “lighting designer” and “ceremony stager” exist. And it really makes me sad that it looks like there is so much effort put into the event and not into the marriage itself.
I read somewhere that the bridezilla phenomenon has arisen because marriage is no longer such a momentous occasion in people’s lives. Hmm, let me hunt for it… Okay, here we go: (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18754320/site/newsweek/)
Very interesting.
I never dreamed about or planned my wedding details growing up, and I absolutely hated wedding planning when it came to the real thing. Like someone else mentioned, I hate being the center of attention, so a big lavish wedding where all of the attention was on ME was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to elope, but for the sake of my parents (my mom, really) I agreed to do the traditional wedding. I at least tried to keep the spending and planning within reason.
Now that our wedding is over, I find that I love going to other people’s weddings (because it reminds me of my own?) and that I am looking forward to our anniversary far more than I looked forward to the wedding.
I’m definitely not obsessed with weddings. I’ve watched people obsessed with the event itself lose sight of the commitment altogether and end up in one awful situation. I think that’s given me some valuable perspective.
I think until I’m far enough down the road that leads that way, I won’t be too focused on it. But I don’t see myself becoming one of these Bridezillas on crack.
I’m a detail oriented person, but again, it’s one day that leads to solidify a life-long commitment. If anything, I’m more obsessed with being certain about the person with whom I’d be potentially making that commitment.
I couldn’t wait until my planning was over … and I did the destination thing. The best part of my wedding – besides the man – was the vacation. That was my obsession, I think.
If I was to obsess about something, it would be getting married much more than the wedding itself. Although I’ve had a lot of fun helping girlfriends planing their wedding, I still think it can be a lot of unnecessary difficulties and obligations (like, having to invite your parent’s friend you saw once when you were 4). I guess I’d love to have the pricess dress and a nice picture album, but I could save myself all the rest of the trouble.
Of course, this is all theoretical, I am still single.
Not obsessed. At all. As much as I like an excuse for a great party, when and if I DO get married, I hope I’m more focused on the marriage itself.
Idealistic, non? :-)
Hmm…
Well, I was proposed to on May 8, 2007 and I’m getting married on October 7, 2007. We set a date about three weeks ago. It’s no wonder that people lose their minds over weddings. If it’s not the Bride herself, it’s her mother and mother-in-law. Everyone has a preconceived notion of what a wedding should be like!
I have the ring, the dress, the church, the hall, all of it. The cost of our photographer is second only to the cost of our reception, but, for the most part we’ve managed to stay within budget.
The most important part of the wedding to me is the actual ceremony. The part where we become one person and make our vows before God and family. After that the second most important part is that the pictures come out ok so my grandkids know that Grandma was pretty on her wedding day. Other than that, I really want my guests to enjoy themselves and have a great time.
I didn’t have a color scheme, a dress, a venue or a husband picked out until I met my future husband. Now that everything has fallen into place, I’m sure it will be for the best!
Good luck to all you other brides-to-be.
xandria- its all good :) i was a journalism major, so i get where you’re coming from with the story. i was more making fun of myself, but know that i loved reading it- and consider yourself added to my blogroll. take care, and i look forward to reading more stories in the future!
xo, blogging barbie
I say elope! :)
No, I’m not obssessed with weddings. I never thought much about them until we got married. While I’m pleased to be married, putting together our wedding was a nightmare because I have never felt so manipulated by everyone around me as I did during that experience. It was awful.
My advice: elope to HA and spend the money on many nights at a luxury hotel. That’d be my kind of wedding if I could do it again.
I’m definitely not obsessed, but I can easily see how easy it is for somebody to become obsessed in this culture. It seems like having the tantamount goal of wedding perfection is what turns brides into monsters. Perfection is an illusion. Nobody really notices or cares about the glitches and imperfections on the day itself! It’s just about having a good time with friends and family.
I know someone as *ehem* crazy obsessed about weddings as the posts you mentioned. She is not even engaged but she talks about it all the time. Her facebook status generally read something along these lines of “I am trully happy for all of my friends who are engaged or just married but WHEN IS IT MY TURN?”. Every time I see something like this I was to say um dear if I was your boyfriend I would be really scared by your continual comments. From an outsiders perspective its pretty annoying if you ask me. I don’t even know how you could show excitement for her when she does finally get engaged. I’d be more inclined to think, FINALLY you can stop talking about it.
Since the question was are YOU obsessed, I’ll say I am engaged and I am not obsessed at all. I didn’t do any planning before I got engaged and even still I am not going overboard with all the wedding stuff now.
Hi there,
I work for a British TV Production Company, and we are currently making a film about women who are planning their weddings, but who do not have a groom – or even a boyfriend in sight.
I’d love to hear from anyone who falls into this category or may know of someone who does. I can be contacted at ali.naushahi@vgoodfilms.com
Cheers.
Weddings are my current obsession. I’m 16 years old, and I’ve been fantasizing about my wedding. Every little detail, I’ve made a decision. Haha.
But, I go through phases a lot, so this doesn’t really concern me.