(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
Many females — especially if they’re single and don’t want to be, or they’re in a relationship where they don’t know where things are going, or if they haven’t accomplished something in particular they wanted to do — look at the prospect of turning 30 and think they should have done something…bigger…than what they have. It’s a big turning point; when you enter your 20s from your teens, it’s usually not considered a big deal. But going from your 20s to your 30s — now, that’s a different story.
I still have a few years in front of me before I hit my 30th year, and it would be easy enough from this vantage point to say those feelings of insecurity won’t affect me — but who can say that for sure? Who knows how I’ll feel in just under three years’ time? At this point, I still have time to think about what where I’d like to be, and what I’d like to be doing, without stressing too much that I won’t be able to reach my goals. (Or in my case, I feel like I still have time to actually decide what it is I want those goals to be.)
One thing I’ve noticed, though, is that the prospect of turning 30 seems to be worse than the reality. Once a person reaches this age and realizes they still feel like the same person, it’s easy enough to keep going with their life as they have up to that point. I’ve had more than one person tell me they really enjoy being in their 30s; that they wouldn’t want to go back to being in their 20s. I can’t say that I’m sitting here at the age of 27 and wanting to be older, but knowing that when I get to that point I’ll most likely be okay with where I am, makes me feel a lot better.
Samaraleigh feels comfortable being in her 30s.
I remember when I was quickly approaching my thirtieth and my older friends would rant and rave about how great the big 3-0 was. Back then, in my 20-something naïveté, I thought it was a big old lie they were telling me. To make them feel better about getting older. I quickly discovered it was not a lie at all. Since turning 30 some 7 years ago I have learned a lot about me. I don’t feel the need to sugar coat my words, or explain my actions. I don’t apologize for my mistakes and I no longer beat myself up over them either. I don’t live by someone else’s definitions of what I should be, how I should look or what I should wear. My madness is my own, even without rhyme or reason.
I can drink with the best of the 20-something crowd. But I have the wisdom to know when to stop. I take pleasure in my size 10 frame. I have a level of confidence that most women in their 20s have yet to discover. The type of confidence that attracts men of all ages. From 22-62. Yeah, you can’t do that in your twenties.
Joanne is okay with being in her 30s, but she doesn’t like the toll that aging is taking on her body:
Yes, I know, I turned 30 months ago! No need to remind me. This weekend Paul and I are traveling to LA for Rich and Saran’s 30th birthday celebration cruise to Mexico. The pending 30th birthdays brought back my reservations about hitting this milestone. I’m not one to be all dramatic and sad about switching decades, and I’ve long said that age is just a number. (because, it is!) BUT, turning 30 definitely brought me to reality in terms of physically aging. I still feel young and will forever exercise and eat well to slow down the process of aging, but it is a reality that I am a human being whose natural course is to age.
I love being older and supposedly “wiser” (ha!), but physically, I do miss going out for run, not stretching, and feeling no pangs of soreness whatsoever. And let’s be honest, I’m vain, so I can do without the wrinkles. What about the days when hangovers only lasted a couple hours, if at all you ever even got one? Who am I kidding? I can’t even have 1/2 a beer without feeling tipsy. Sigh….
Mean Katie knows how big a deal it is to turn 30, but she has a good attitude about it. (And she may be called Mean Katie, but she doesn’t sound so mean to me…)
There is so much hype about turning 30. Its a pretty big birthday. You are no longer in your twenties, but you aren’t quite in your thirties; you’re just thirty. Apparently, when you are 30, you should magically have all your shit together, be secure in your career of choice, have a significant other with a prospect of either marriage or children, have already or be in the process of buying a house/condo, and be on the road to the height of the American Dream. [...]
My favorite part about turning 30 was the women who upon finding out would say “welcome to the club. It only gets better,” and listening to the people who had a hard time turning 30 say things like “it all goes downhill from here” and thinking to myself… “not for me!”
It was also fun to (after a crazy weekend of celebrating the last hours of my twenties) to wake up Monday morning and say “I did that crap when I was in my twenties!”
So, Here’s to 30. Bring it!
Here’s another Katie:
Why is it that on the eve of turning 30 I am just now realizing what an idiot I was at 20? You think that life would have been much easier if I had come to that conclusion when I was in a place to do something about it. But oh no, life lessons are often learned with an eye to the past.
So my question is this . . . Now that I know that I knew a whole lot of nothing at the ripe old age of 20, and yet I thought I had it all figured out, what does that say about what I think I know now that I’m almost 30? [...]
I think it’s required to have some sort of mid-mid-life crisis when the big THREE-OH approaches your door, but in all honesty I’m more side-swiped by it. These last few years have snuck up on me and my basic math skills have fallen by the way-side in the process. To think that each additional year added to the sum total of years is a concept I seem to have grown slightly and yet consciously ignorant of.
I mean 30 equates to all sorts of things: marriage, family, dog, home, ability to cook a meal that doesn’t come from a frozen box/bag or at least includes 5 ingredients, being a “grown up”, and other such things that just seem to be a part of life at 30. Hmmm, this isn’t to say that I think my life isn’t up to snuff for 30, but maybe more 30 isn’t up to snuff for my life. I’m happy, I have a job I love, I have amazing friends, and there are still many many years ahead for all that other “stuff”.
Bandanagirl is glad she’s no longer in her 20s:
I know that is not a common reaction to the event of turning 30…but I personally, am glad my 20’s are over. My twenties had their ups and downs, but mostly they sucked.
In your twenties, you are still unsure of yourself, not grounded, not comfortable in your own skin. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20’s that I am still paying for. I went through single parenthood of a beautiful daughter, financial woes, a wild streak, drug addiction and recovery of a loved one, marriage, a wonderful son, moving to a new city twice, meningitis….Shall I go on?
On my 30th birthday I felt this sense of relief….I am 30….I don’t have to try to keep up with the young fads that never work for me…I do not have to try to impress anyone other than my husband and kids, cause nobody cares anyway. In your 20’s friends are everything…now they are like seasoning in my life, but they are not the whole meal. In my 20’s, I liked who I was if I thought others liked who I was…Now, I like who I am and if someone doesn’t, I don’t give a damn. I can confidently make my own decisions, even if they meet the disapproval of well meaning friends. I can look how I want, dress how I want, spend my time how I want and most of all, say NO when I want to.
I look forward to my 30’s…the older women say it gets better from here. I hope they are right.
Madame Pinot isn’t so happy about it:
I know it sounds dumb, but I’m having a hard time with it. There is no reason to have a hard time with it. People turn 30 every day, they seem to make it through it alive.
As I was flipping through May’s InStyle last night, it hit me as to why I’m having a hard time with this. There was a section on skincare and what you should do when. They have the 20’s box, the 30’s box, etc. I will no longer be in the 20’s box. I’ll have to be in the 30’s box for the next 10 years. But I don’t think of myself as being 30. 30 is old. Well not really, but you know what I mean.
So, when I turn 30 (in 15 days), does it mean I have to dress and act like a 30 year old? Can’t I be 30 and still act like a 28 or 29 year old? Can I still read what 20-somethings are doing to combat the aging process? I mean, it’s not like I’m turning 35, or 39 even. I’m just breaking into the 30-something world…
I’m not ready to grow up.
If you’re not 30 yet, what are your thoughts? If you’re over 30 — did you have those feelings of insecurity, like thinking you should have accomplished something that you hadn’t? Are you over it now? Would you rather be in your 30s (or above) than in your 20s?
Related reading:
Towanda has some advice “for those embarking on their 30th birthday, those newly inducted, and those that have been in “thirtyhood” for a while.”
Christine has 30 thoughts on turning 30.
Francesca Lefante wrote an article about turning 30 called “Crossing A Threshold Of Maturity.”
15 Comments
As someone who’s turned 50 this year, I can say two things:
1. I’ve never understood why these numbers bother people. With each year, I’ve learned more, become a better peson, had a better life. There’s no difference between 29 and 30, or between 30 and 31… but there’s a difference in what you are and what you become over the years. I’ve always enjoyed it, not been upset by it.
2. It’s possible not to turn 30 (or 50, or…). The alternative is, as is often pointed out, much less pleasing.
I was glad to turn 30, six years ago! My 20s were full of hard lessons learned, and I was very happy to move on. Of course there are still societal norms that some people expect you to meet (marriage, kids, home ownership) that I do NOT. But that actually makes my life more interesting. I’m not on what one would consider a “normal” path, and I’m looking forward to seeing what my 40s-50s-60s-70s-80s bring!
Plus, as Barry Leiba said above, the alternative to aging is most unpleasant.
I’m actually turning 30 next week, and I couldn’t be happier about it. While I’m not married and I don’t have any kids, I’ve created a really nice life for myself and am starting out my 30s much happier and more self-aware than I was in my early 20s. I like my life, I like who I am, and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished!
Your 29 year old sister says BLAH on turning 30. I have accomplished, lived and learned alot during my 20’s but I’m not ready to shake the age advantage. You’re always younger than somebody else when your only 20 something! I may lie for a couple years and say I’m still 29!!
I have things to be proud of…I have a 10 year old son. I have bought and sold a house and purchased a townhouse by myself. I was married for a couple years but have been separated for one whole year effective next week on 10/2/07…hopefully a divorce will follow soon after!! Most exciting for me the past couple of months is the realization of how much more comfortable with myself that I am compared to say age 24. I like who I am and what I have learned along the way…though there is always room for improvement. And hopefully that under eye cream will keep working
Ha, one of my favourite subjects LOL, I turned 30 two months ago.
A couple of years ago I was looking at my 30st birthday as if it was some kind of deadline to meet, by which I should have done what everybody around me was busy doing: get married, have babies, buy a house, find out what to do with my life. Just before turning 29 I was hit by the fact I wouldn’t make it “on time” and went through depression. Actually this was a good thing, LOL, it helped me realize I had been walking in someone else’s shoes, and I suddenly figured out what I wanted to be.
So I turned 30 peacefully, also knowing that everybody has their own rythm and love, house and babies if I want them still have plenty of time to come.
And I appreciate being able to play the “I am all grown-up” card when I need it LOL, people at work don’t look at me as if I were a kid anymore – and at the same time I do feel like a 13 yo very regularly. (that would be my answer to Madame Pinot)
Ask any one hundred year old: they wish they were only still 70.
Kind of puts things in perspective
I’m thinking that after reading earlier this summer that the average life expectancy for women in Zambia has been reduced to 37 because of the AIDS epidemic I’m going to love every single damn one of my years.
I’ve heard both sides of this topic from people I know. Those who are dreading turning 30 and those who are loving the fact that they will be entering their 30s. I’m only 27, but if I was turning 30 tomorrow, I would not be happy. I would feel disapointed that I hadn’t yet accomplished certain things. (such as marriage, children, and finishing college) I still have about 2 1/2 years though and a lot can happen in that time. I know now that when I turn 30 I will be a nurse, but can’t say whether I will meet my life partner and fulfill my need to get married and have children.
I am 44.6 yrs of age. WOW!!! I do not act my age, nor feel what I perceive a 44+ yr old should feel like. I think of myself as a 30 something yr old.
When I turned 30, I embraced it with knowing what I lived thru in my twenties and relished what was before me in my 30’s. Age does NOT guarantee LOVE, CHILDREN, or HAPPINESS!!! Only you can make those happen!!! (well, for me 2 out of 3 of those…for I have never been able to have Children…) But age is what you make of it for the most part.
I wouldn’t want to step back in time to be in my twenties. And most of you will realize…in time…with maturity…that vanity is only skin deep. Health and happiness is where it’s at!!!!
i agree that dreading 30 is much worse than actually being 30. so far i’ve loved being in my thirties. now at 36 i’m starting to dread 40! but i’m hoping that when i actually get to 40 i’ll love it as much or more than my thirties.
There are many theories on this (reacting to reaching one of ‘The Big’ birthdays), and I think the only one that is worth rejecting is the one where a person just gives up…thinking that if you’re 30..or 40..or whatever milestone-year a person may have reached, that it’s too late…too late to go back to school…or meet that perfect guy/girl…or get out of the terrible relationship you’re in, or take that trip around the world…too late to make a change in your Life. I soo agree with Swissfondue, who mentioned that people who were 100 would give anything to be 70. So, whatever age you are now, do not give up…love every single second of every day—I promise you, there will come a day many years from now that you will wish that you were the age you are today…and you could bend over to pick up the paper without pain…and the friend/Mother/lover/pet that you soo cherish, and so miss since they have been gone, were still there with you, so you could hug them and tell them you love them. Enjoy the day!! (And hug someone you love, soon!!
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Hi,
I’m 27 too and have all the thoughts about turning 30 that you seem to be having. All of a sudden the big three doesn’t seem so distant. I’m sure I’ll be able to accept it once it actually happens but can’t say I’m looking forward to it!
‘Am working on this project that I thought might interest you and your readers. It’s about image and identity issues of women in their 20’s and 30’s.
This project, called Imagining Ourselves, is a multi-lingual, global online exhibit featuring the artwork, film and writings of women from all over the world.
Do visit us when you can at http://www.imow.org and join in the conversation or email me if you would like to get involved in any other way.
Thanks,
Sudeshna
My 30s have definitely had rough patches, but overall they’ve been better than my 20s. I’ve acquired two very important skills since I turned 30: I don’t care very much what other people think about me, and I am comfortable saying no to people. (The 2 things are probably related!) I wish I had learned them in my 20s.
For most people twenty-something living is full of life lessons. And being a thirtysomething allows you to apply these lessons and move your life into the next level. If you look at it that way, everyone should be okay with turning 30.
I turned 30…3 days ago. I squalled the whole day. I had no idea I was going to do this. I wasn’t really dreading the day or anything. I wasn’t expecting anything other than a few bad jokes and a day of getting older. But that isn’t what happened. I went through every event that has happened in my life over the last 15 years. All the mistakes I’ve made, people I missed, choices I should’ve done wiser…and I felt like a total screw up! I realized I had wasted 15 years of my life. The bad part is…I was trying all those years to do the best and right things for my life…I just kept choosing the wrong thing. You know..the path not taken…but how do you know which path is right until you walk it. I also found out a few months ago I have this horrible back injury that ppl twice my age usually have..and all these things I can never do again. I am engaged to a 25 year old…have been for a while…age never bothered me before but now I look at how different our ages make us. I can tell myself all day long it is just a number…but that isn’t true…it’s memories…choices….ppl are gone…changes happening faster in all areas…BUT…when I read the message Chris said on Sept 26th…I realize I have to start today…TODAY! I put off so many things that I always said I could do later (stop smoking, eat better, exercise more, do more things for me) because right now seemed like forever…but it’s not..and not promised. So..the only advice I have is…DON’T look at the number …but do know the days are passing…and today is the only day you have to start, end, change, choose..make what you want to happen happen