Comments on: Breaking Off the Engagement: Would You Give the Ring Back?

By: elysa

elysa — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 08:30:10 +0000

When we broke off our engagement I kept the ring because we had just signed a lease in an apartment 1 mile from my work. The apartment was too expensive for me on my own so he agreed I could sell the ring to pay out what he technically owed me in rent for the rest of the year.

By: Katyola

Katyola — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 04:32:41 +0000

I’ve never been engaged, but I likely would keep the ring if the guy broke off the engagement — especially under bad circumstances. If, though, the two of us had come to the conclusion that we weren’t meant to be, I’d probably give the ring back to him, as I would if I broke it off for reasons other than his cheating or other dishonesty. If I kept the ring, I’d sell it or get it reset.

By: jen

jen — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 14:25:32 +0000

for people like leah who have a ring they don’t want but don’t feel comfortable selling, many non-profits would be happy to take the jewelry as a donation (and you can get a tax write-off if you want). that’s what my ex-husband and i did with our platinum wedding bands. (i didn’t have an engagement ring.)

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 03:00:38 +0000

Thankfully, I was never in this situation. But my brother’s first fiance broke off their engagement, 3 months before the wedding, because she was cheating on him. She gave him back the ring. When he found out that the ring wouldn’t be worth much to sell, he didn’t know what to do with it. I tried (with no luck) to convince him he should give it to me so I could sell it for extra cash. In the end, he had the diamond set in a tie clip. He doesn’t wear the tie clip, but at least he doesn’t have to look at the ring anymore!!

By: janet

janet — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 04:15:51 +0000

Eek, what a tough situation. I think if the girl breaks it off, she gives it back, and if the guy breaks it off she gets to keep it. In general, at least.

By: Leah

Leah — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 23:38:04 +0000

I still have a ring from my first boyfriend. For Christmas one year, he bought me a white gold ring with a quarter carat diamond (quite an expensive present for him). Conveniently, and likely not coincidental, the ring fit on my left ring finger. He then proceeded to drop hints about my ring to all our friends and pretend like we were engaged (discussing a wedding, talking about the future, etc).

Six months later, we broke up. I think I offered the ring back, but he didn’t want it. It’s sitting in a box in a closet at my parents’ house. I still haven’t found the right thing to do with it; selling it for profit just doesn’t ring true to me. I figure someday it’ll come in handy for someone, and I’m keeping it around until then.

By: Marie D.

Marie D. — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 18:35:01 +0000

Thank God, I never had to go through this (although I am not sure it is good news as it means I never got anywhere near engagement).
I read in some old-fashion good manners book that you should never give back the engagement ring unless it is a family piece of jewelry, like if the ring used to belong to your fiance’s grandma or morther…

It it was me, I don’t know… I guess I’d need to let go off the symbol of a failed relationship but on the other hand, I might find it hard to let it go.
Remember Charlotte in Sex and the City, after her divorce? She still wears her engagement ring (a perfect one from Tiffany’s) until she’s ready to let it go and sell it to help Carrie buying her place. I guess that could be me.

By: LJ

LJ — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 18:26:48 +0000

I’ve never understood why someone would want to keep it – ever (of course with the obvious exception of it being her family’s heirloom). I look at it as an investment he made to their future together and especially if he’s carrying loans for that thing, why should the female keep it?

I think it actually makes sense for a lot of break-ups to happen around this time. I agree perhaps it has to do with the added pressure of including them in with the holiday festivities if you’re already thinking things are going in that direction. I also think people start to think ahead to the new year. I think perhaps if they are already thinking this isn’t the right person for them, it makes sense to be able to break it off and start the new year with a clean slate.

Just a thought from someone who’s never actually had a December break-up and has certainly never been engaged (but can imagine that *might* be how it would go…).

By: Elissa

Elissa — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 18:22:52 +0000

I have my wedding ring/engagement set. He never asked for it so I didn’t have to deal with that decision…I just kept it. I’ve have since tried to sell it but have been unsuccessful so I’m holding on to it for now….

By: Barry Leiba

Barry Leiba — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 15:56:58 +0000

I’ve never been in that situation, but speaking from theory:
I think the lady should offer the ring back.
And I think the gentleman should insist that she keep it.

Of course, not all — especially in this sort of situation — are ladies, nor gentlemen….