Yearly Archives: 2008

Zan Entertains a Teenager in DC – Part 2

31stDecember2008

(Yesterday: Part 1)

Sunday:

We had a low-key day since we’d done so many different things on Saturday, and knew we’d also be doing a lot of walking on Monday as well. I took him to the Austin Grill in Old Town for lunch (a Tex-Mex restaurant where I’ve taken a number of out-of-town visitors), we saw two movies in the afternoon at a local theater (Seven Pounds with Will Smith, and Yes Man with Jim Carrey…both were good, but I liked the first one the best), and then we ate at Mai Thai, my favorite Thai restaurant, for dinner.

I ended up scaring my mom that night…I meant to be funny, but I wasn’t able to explain myself right away. You see, she sent me a text asking how everything was going. I responded, “I left Isaac at [my other brother's house] on Friday. He said he changed his mind and didn’t want to come with me. Haven’t you seen him since then?”

I got a call from someone else right after that, so I wasn’t able to send my follow-up “just kidding” text. Mom called me about 10 minutes later, kind of freaked out that Isaac had been at Ben’s house for two days and not told her. I assured her I was only joking…bad Zan.

Monday:

1. National Zoo — My brother is like me…he’ll pause for a little while to look at something, but then he’s ready to move on. We saw everything we wanted to see at the zoo in about an hour. In and out.

2. Lunch at Old City Cafe of Jerusalem — I wanted Isaac to try a falafel sandwich. I had falafel for the first time when I was in Amsterdam in 2004, but I’ve only had it once in DC since then. He approved.

3. Cupcakes! — Next stop was Hello Cupcake in Dupont Circle. (This was the same place I went to a few months ago when a very kind blogger gave me a cupcake-y surprise.) Isaac had a peanut butter-flavored cupcake, and I chose one that had a tiramisu-style frosting. Yum-yum…

4. Georgetown — Isaac wanted to go to Urban Outfitters, so we got off at the Foggy Bottom metro and walked over. He bought a pair of jeans, I got a shirt, then we walked to the Georgetown waterfront and back to the metro. (We did a lot of walking yesterday. I would guess it was at least 8 miles, if not more.)

I sent him back to Richmond last night on Amtrak (he’d never been on a train before, either).

And now…MORE PHOTOS!

Here is Isaac at the Zoo…

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…and sitting on the steps at the Georgetown waterfront.

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Isaac waiting for the train at the Woodley Park/Zoo/Adams Morgan metro station.

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And myself, at the same spot.

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Passing the time at the metro by taking photos. Gotta love it.

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All in all, it’s unfortunate that I waited so long to bring my brother up for a visit. I had a great time and ended up taking advantage of things to do that I probably wouldn’t have done otherwise.

(Note: the entire Isaac visits DC photoset can be seen at Flickr.)

By Zandria | Posted in NoVA Living | Comments (8)

Zan Entertains a Teenager in DC – Part 1

30thDecember2008

My brother and I drove back from Richmond late Friday night, and I woke him up at 9am on Saturday morning so we could go to the shooting range (apparently that’s pretty early for an almost-16-year-old on holiday break, but he didn’t complain).

So, on Saturday we:

1) Shot guns at the Blue Ridge Arsenal in Chantilly, Va — We met my friend Crazy Tripp there. He’d brought a few of his handguns and also his assault rifle, and Isaac and I had a lot of fun. Tripp was a very good instructor.

2) Visited the Air & Space Museum near Dulles airport — It was just a few miles away from the shooting range, which was really convenient. It was a lot bigger than I expected, too.

3) Watched the planes land at National Airport from Gravelly Point — Wikipedia says that its “unique location just a few hundred feet from the north-end of Reagan’s runway 1/19 makes it one of the best spots in the United States for plane-spotting.” We found a spot to stand where we could look up at the underbelly of the planes as they came in…that was pretty cool.

4) Walked around my neighborhood — Isaac really liked Old Town Alexandria. He made several comments about how pretty it was, and I was glad to get the little-brother stamp of approval.

5) Ate Ethiopian food — We went to Dukem on U Street in DC. My roommate was with us, too. I’d had Ethiopian food only once before, Jen hadn’t had it in a few years, and Isaac had never tried it. It was very, very good. In fact, I had Isaac eat a number of things over the weekend that he’d never had before (Ethiopain, Thai, falafel) and he approved of all of them. Yay!

6) Saw an improv comedy show — Washington Improv Theater‘s production of Seasonal Disorder. They had us fill out information cards before we went inside, asking various questions like name, occupation, favorite holiday gift, etc. I used my real first name but made up everything else (my occupation was “stripper,” for instance). My card ended up being pulled for one of the main characters to use, so throughout the performance they referred to this woman as “Zandria” quite a few times. It made me laugh every time they said it, because I’m used to being the only Zandria and I’ve never heard anyone else being referred to that way. Great show, very funny.

Now…PHOTOS! YAY!

This is Issac just after we walked into the range at Blue Ridge Arsenal. He looks a little nervous right here, but he got over it quickly. (Check out the ultra-cool required eye and ear protection!)

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This is right after Tripp handed him the assault rifle.

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Tripp, explaining to Isaac how to use it.

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And then…he goes for it.

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I shot the handgun…
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And received rifle-instruction from Tripp as well…

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(Here I am looking like a bad-ass. Mm-hmm! Although, yes, I can see that I’m not holding the butt of the rifle as low as I should — it’s supposed to rest beside your shoulder, not up as high as I have it.)

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Then Isaac and I went to the Air & Space Museum (Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center), and Isaac stood underneath a space shuttle.

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He thought all the planes hanging from the ceiling were ultra-cool.

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I’m not quite sure how to explain this one.

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This was taken at the Torpedo Factory Art Center in Old Town Alexandria.

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And this is Isaac at the waterfront in Old Town Alexandria.

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He’s such a cutie.

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(Tomorrow: Part 2 — what we did on Sunday and Monday)

(Note: the entire Isaac visits DC photoset can be seen at Flickr.)

By Zandria | Posted in NoVA Living | Comments (14)

Dating in the New Year (and Looking Back at 2008)

29thDecember2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

I’ve heard that online dating sites experience a big increase in enrollments in January. This doesn’t surprise me — over the course of just a few days, two of my female friends made a reference to 2009 being “the year.” As in, the year they will find love. January is seen as a good time for life changes, for new beginnings, for things we want to improve about ourselves. It’s the same with dating.

My situation is a little different in that I’ve been a member of Match.com since last July. My initial three-month subscription has already renewed once, and (unless I cancel it) the second renewal will happen in late January. I even set up a reminder on my calendar so I won’t forget when it’s about to happen, just in case I decide to make a change.

I’ve already thought about whether I want to continue with my subscription or whether I want to take a break. There are plenty of people who discontinue their membership for a period of time. Sometimes it’s because they’re in a relationship for a while, but it’s also due to getting fed-up, or ambivalent, and needing to take a step back before they give it another go.

I wouldn’t say that I’m fed-up or ambivalent, so unless something unexpected happens and I end up meeting someone ultra-special in the next few weeks, I’m not planning to suspend my membership. Even with the wide range of experiences and emotions I’ve gone through in the past five months of being on Match, at this point the good parts are outweighing the bad.

Truthfully, dating is not always fun. I’ve met a lot of nice guys (even if there was no spark), but I’ve also had dates where I went home afterward and thought of all the other, more productive, ways I could have spent my time. I’ve had my feelings hurt, and I’ve been rejected (and done the same myself), but that’s…normal. I knew going into this that I’d have to deal with these things.

One of the things that stands out to me about online dating is that, unlike meeting people on an occasional and random basis, if you’re truly active and meeting new people pretty regularly, you’re experiencing these emotions (nervousness, happiness, disappointment, excitement) way more often than you normally would. Although it can definitely be exciting, it can also get tiring. Whether you’re meeting someone after a long day at work, or in the middle of the day for lunch, or taking time out of your weekend, when you’re meeting someone new you always have to be “on.”

One of the things that keeps people trying is the thought that the next person just might click. The thing is, you don’t know for sure until you meet someone in person, and I’ve definitely found that there’s no consistency to my encounters. I can have a great conversation with someone via email, but when we meet, there’s no spark. And I’ve had the complete opposite experience, too, where I might not have been looking forward to meeting someone all that much and it turned out to be one of my best dates.

Do you want to know the most positive thing that’s come out of all this dating in the past five months? It’s made a really big difference in how comfortable I feel approaching and talking to new people. I’m not sure exactly when it happened — probably a couple of months in — but one day I realized that first dates aren’t nearly as nerve-wracking for me anymore.

There’s more of an understanding that, okay, I’m going to do this, and there’s no pressure, and maybe we’ll go out again but maybe we won’t. So we talk about our day, and ask get-to-know-you questions, all while checking each other out to see if we can imagine locking lips at some point. (Ahem. You know it’s true.)

So…dating in 2009? It doesn’t feel right to echo my friends and say that my goal is to find love. Although I’d like to find someone special enough that I’d want to date them exclusively, the thought of “being in love” honestly isn’t foremost in my mind. Love is something that happens over time, once you’ve been through a number of experiences together and can’t imagine going through them with anyone else.

I went through a wide range of experiences and emotions in 2008, but all of them have changed me for the better. For 2009, all I know for sure is that a year from now, I want to look back and know that I tried. That I took chances, and explored new possibilities, and did things that made me happy. And for right now, that means getting out and meeting new people.

To quote my friend Leah, who wrote this in an email not long ago: “Definitely interesting, this whole dating thing.”

Indeed.

Do you have dating or relationship goals for 2009?

Related Reading:

Whatever you do, don’t blame your single status on inner failings. Psychologist Jenna Baddeley says “there is an undercurrent of self-doubt among many of the single women that I know” and says it’s a terrible waste “of perfectly good mental energy.”

What disturbs me is how frequently – to the point of being truly generic – single women (and perhaps men, as well) arrive at the question, “what’s wrong with me?”

The implication, of course, is that one’s personal flaws must be responsible for one’s present lack of a romantic partner. Why make this attribution rather than one of the other available attributions, such as, “I just haven’t met the right person”? One explanation is that blaming things on oneself provides one with a sense of predictability and control that blaming things on chance or circumstances does not.

In What I Have Learned in a Year of Dating, Karin Luisa says she’s “learned that there is a distinct correlation…between dinner manners and love-making technique.”

If you’re looking for love, The Diva Network has Eight Steps to Finding Love: The 2009 Dating Plan.

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer | Comments (10)

Boxing: Go In For The Punch

24thDecember2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

When I told a friend at work that I was planning to give boxing a try, his reaction was, “Zan! Oh, no! In a boxing ring?” I assured him the class I was taking would be far from dangerous — it was a group class with individual punching bags, so there would be no big, mean fists aimed at my face. My roommate, Jen, had recently joined L.A. Boxing and seemed to be enjoying herself, so I agreed to tag along with her to take a class.

When I took the krav maga class, I didn’t have anything on my hands. Zip. Nada. They were completely bare (which is how I ended up ripping off the skin from several knuckles), and it took several weeks before they healed.

I found out after the fact that I should have worn hand wraps to protect them from the constant thudding, but having my knuckles destroyed was a big reason why I never went back to take another class. (Not one person at the facility I went to brought up the option of hand wraps, which seemed like an irresponsible way to handle a newbie like myself.)

I must admit, I was very happy that the folks at L.A. Boxing were serious about taking good care of my hands. They let me borrow a pair of boxing gloves, and they made sure to point out that they don’t recommend using the gloves without wrapping up your hands first. Luckily my roommate had an extra set of hand wraps for me to use (which are basically loooonngg strips of material that you wrap around your hand and wrist and in-between your fingers).

We started the class by warming up with 20 minutes of cardio before we even put on our boxing gloves. The instructor told us we shouldn’t stop moving for the entire 20 minutes — and we didn’t. There were a lot of jumping jacks involved, and hopping around with different foot-shuffling combinations. (Apparently the amount of cardio before boxing depends on the instructor, because Jen said she’s been in classes where they boxed the entire time instead of focusing on regular cardio first.)

After we were good and sweaty, it was time to punch the life out of our bags. That was the fun part! I hadn’t had the best day leading up to the class, so I was looking forward to having a physical release for some of the aggression I was feeling. The instructor would demonstrate a combination of punches and we’d do those moves over and over until a buzzer went off. Rounds of boxing were interspersed with dropping on the floor to do pushups — and I have to admit, my arms were pretty much shot by that point. I could only do a few pushups before my arms would give out and I’d collapse on the floor.

My only complaint was that it was difficult to hear the instructor. The music was loud (which was nice; it’s good to have a pumping beat when you’re trying to beat the crap out of something), but he didn’t have a microphone or anything to amplify his voice. Most of the time I’d just watch what he was doing and try to copy it, since I didn’t have the faintest idea what he was yelling. It wasn’t a big deal, though — when I couldn’t hear what kind of combination he was asking us to do, I’d just beat the crap out of my punching bag. (Left-left-left…right-right!! Jab-jab-uppercut! You get the idea.)

It was a really good workout and I was wiped out by the time we left. I wouldn’t mind going back — they offer kickboxing, too, which would be interesting to try — but they don’t have the option to pay per-class, and I’m already in a contract at another gym. (Not having the ability to pay per-class was a complaint I had about krav maga, too.)

I didn’t experience any soreness after the class (when you start something new, especially if it’s so physically demanding, it’s typical to be sore for a few days). I work out with weights already, and all the hopping around wasn’t so bad because my legs and calves are pretty strong — but soreness is definitely something to be prepared for if you’re not used to this type of workout and decide you want to try this class.

(Note: L.A. Boxing — at least the location in Alexandria, Va — offers a one-time free class to anyone interested in giving them a try. You just have to call in advance to let them know you’re coming, and arrive about 15 minutes before the class starts to fill out a information sheet and sign a waiver. They let you borrow the gloves, but you either have to bring your own hand wraps or buy a pair from them for about $10. Or, hey — you could always choose to not wear anything under your gloves and risk tearing up your knuckles! Lots of options!)

Have you ever tried boxing? What’s your opinion?

Related Reading:

Catty wrote about how sore she was after her first boxing class.

I run, I do pump class, I’m pretty damn sure I can almost crack a nut with my quads ~ my legs are strong. or so I had thought. I was expecting my arms, my chest, my back to ache in the repercussion to my very first boxing class but they were actually fine. my legs, however, what a different story. i have never, and I’m not exaggerating, felt such pain in my legs.. ever.

Lisa Creech Bledsoe asks, “How many ice packs does one need [to get in boxing shape]?”

I would like to pretend otherwise, but after my first boxing class I hurt so badly I could not sleep soundly for about five nights in succession. I would wake up in tears just trying to roll over in bed. I did that thing where you hook some part of your body that isn’t in severe pain (foot? elbow? fingers?) over the edge of the mattress and try to haul the rest of your body into a less agonizing position before falling back into an exhausted half-sleep.

One of the Fit-Bottomed Girls took a class at an L.A. Boxing location in California.

The room was filled with rows of boxing bags, and I was excited to uppercut the stuffing out of one of them. The class was just the right size at about 10 participants: enough people to not feel alone, but not so many that we were bumping into each other. The instructor, Mike, put me at ease immediately, mostly because he didn’t look like Rocky or have black eyes.

Sex and the Art of Boxing: Gina Anderson took a boxing class and was pleasantly surprised to discover that she was turned-on by the experience.

About 15 people — mostly men, that is, mostly hard-shouldered, thick-thighed, eight-packed men — huffed and puffed in a circle around the studio. Running and punching, punching and huffing, huffing and puffing. And blowing my house down.

Real Women’s Fitness: Why boxing is so good for women’s fitness

[T]his is why boxing is so good for fitness. It is full body. When you step into a boxing gym you will be made to do all kinds of exercises — pushups, sit ups, bag work, speed ball work, sparring, jogging, weights, skipping, etc. They have fitness down to a very fine art and they know how to get the best out of you.

Washington Post: Therapy With the Gloves On (boxing as a stress-reliever and mood-elevator)

Democrat and Chronicle: Boxing takes fitness to a new level

MSNBC: Boxing offers full-body workout in and out of the ring, but take precautions

New York Times: For Couples, a Matter of Give and Take. (This article is from 2007, but it’s an interesting look at couples who do co-ed boxing.)

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer, Fitness | Comments (4)

Do Your Male Friends Impact Your Dating Life?

23rdDecember2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

I have a number of really good friends who are males. I’ve known some of them for years (even if I don’t see them very often in person anymore), I met a few of them over the internet (I’ve seen them in person once or twice, but most of our contact is via blogs and email), and there are several guys that I hang out with on a regular basis. I don’t want to date any of these men; I place a huge value on their friendship and my life is better because they’re a part of it.

In fact, sometimes I disclose things to my male friends that I don’t talk about with my girlfriends. It’s not because I think the women wouldn’t want to hear it; I just like going to the guys for advice because I enjoy getting a male perspective on things. And you know what? A vast majority of the time, I receive terrific advice. I can think of one example in particular where I asked a male friend how I should handle a situation with another guy — but I didn’t follow the advice he gave me, and I regretted it afterwards. (Arrgghhh…hindsight.)

(I also wrote about a situation recently where two of my guy friends rescued me from boredom on a Saturday night. It really made me realize how lucky I am to know people who will go out of their way like that.)

I have another example that came up not long ago. I had dated a guy for a few weeks back in November, but we’d stopped seeing each other before Thanksgiving. Several weeks passed and I was thinking about emailing him — you know, just to say hi and ask how he was doing — but before I did, I decided to consult a few of my guy friends and ask what they thought.

Both of them said the same thing: since we hadn’t split on bad terms, it wouldn’t hurt to send this guy an email. But, they said…he knows how to reach you. If he really wants to talk to you, he’ll make the effort to do so. One of my friends wrote this line, and it’s stuck with me ever since: “On the whole, I know this — you’re too good for people who can’t be bothered to call you back.”

Isn’t that fantastic? It was written by an internet-friend who’s married and has a family. We never hang out in person. But I count him as a friend, and I love that I can email him when I have a problem (or when I don’t have a problem, of course) and he’s always there with a response.

I started thinking about my guy friends after I read the post Liz wrote on BlogHer: I Don’t Get Girls’ Night. As much as she enjoys her regular monthly get-togethers with her female friends, Liz said she would prefer if males were included as well. Unsurprisingly, I’m in complete agreement. There are definitely situations where I hang out with my girlfriends without a male around, but in my mind there’s no reason to specifically shut them out.

One of the things Liz touched on was that some of the husbands/boyfriends of the ladies in her group might not feel comfortable if the group was mixed-sex, which is one of the reasons they keep it women-only. While it could be easy to say, “These people are just friends! It’s dumb for their partners to get jealous!” I understand that it’s a very real issue.

I’ve dated guys who knew I have male friends that I hang out with, and while they haven’t specifically said they don’t like it, I’ve gotten some questions. One of the most popular questions (after I assure them I’m not physically attracted to my guy friends and we don’t enjoy “benefits”) is, “But they think you’re hot, right?”

What does that mean? Like, even though I’ve said that I don’t think of them that way, if my guy friends think I’m hot there’s always the possibility I’ll act on it? I’m sure that’s what they’re trying to infer, but…no. There have been plenty of situations where I’ve gotten intoxicated with a guy friend, and there’s never been one single instance where I’ve felt the need to rip their clothes off (or even, to a lesser extent, make out with them).

My response to that question is, “Maybe they do [think I'm hot]. But if so, it’s never a big deal because we don’t go around talking about it and they never try to act on it.” (Actually, one of my guy friends will sometimes make appreciative remarks about certain features of my anatomy, and a guy I work with always points out when I’m dressed especially nice, but it’s all in good fun — I probably wouldn’t mention that to someone I’m dating, though.)

In the past, I did find myself hanging out with my guy friends less when I dated someone who felt threatened by it. But that was when I wasn’t holding my head up with confidence the way I should have. And you know what? When I stopped dating that person, who were the ones that immediately stepped back into my life? Yep, you got it.

That’s when I told myself that I’m not giving up my guy friends for anyone. We have fun together. They support me. They’re important to me. They don’t deserve to be ditched just because someone doesn’t trust me. I’m a loyal and trustworthy person, and that extends 100% to my dating life. My friends are my friends, and my guy is my guy. If he doesn’t realize that, he doesn’t know me.

Do your male friends impact your dating life at all?

Related Reading:

While it’s good to have male friends while you’re in a relationship, there are certain factors you have to keep in mind. Mrs. Dub does a good job of answering the question, “Is it kosher to have good friends of the opposite sex after you’re married?”

[W]hat does a friendship entail? The occasional email or phone call? Meeting up for lunch along with your spouse or the guy’s spouse? Because all of that is kosher in my opinion. The more alone time and more secrecy involved, the more likely you are putting your friendship and marriage in jeopardy, or at least ticking off someone’s spouse.

Amelia at The Frisky says, Let’s Hear It For The Boys!

[W]hen word started to get around that my relationship was stalled or over…so many of my friends offered their support. I expected as much from my female friends — you can always count on the ladies to help you numb the pain of a breakup with wine and a little smacktalk — but I didn’t expect my guy friends to be equally as empathetic.

As a lesbian, Zoe thought it was strange when a heterosexual friend mentioned that she thought her husband needed to have more “guy friends.” (Zoe said, “The funny thing is, he seems to not really care, or find it as important as she does, for him to have ‘guy friends’ to do stuff with.”) She wonders if gay couples look at friendships and relationships differently than straight couples do.

Melissa writes about the types of Guy Friends Every Girl Needs.

The Bachelor Guy talks about why it’s good for guys to have female friends.

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer | Comments (8)