(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
We have a lot on our minds. We want information fast. If we perform a search that happens to include the words “single” and “woman,” we want relevant results, not a bunch of dating sites. We can’t change what’s out there, but there are a few places where single women can find helpful information.
Single Edition – “the first lifestyle destination for unmarried individuals that will deliver daily value to help them manage their everyday lives.” They tackle questions such as, Do I need to have a will if I’m single?
Quirkyalone – a site that describes itself as “a community of independent thought on singledom, life, and love.”
GenPink – a site for twenty-something women, “balancing family and work, technology, entertainment, and exploration of new ideas.”
What are single women writing about? Here are some of the things on our mind:
1) What if something unexpected happens when I’m alone?
Kat got her finger stuck in a fireplace grate (luckily, she was able to free herself after several minutes of maneuvering), which caused her to think about how things can happen as a single women when nobody else is around. She called this type of alone the “‘I’m going to die and no one’s going to miss me until it’s too late’ kind of alone.”
[Getting my finger stuck] was a reminder of the realities of living alone, and, actually, of life itself. You are born alone, and you die alone. Better fill up the in-between time with people who’ll miss you enough to check in on you.
2) How do I deal with stress?
Mayan gives 10 reasons why singles should celebrate their singlehood, and #8 has to do with the quality of our friendships.
Reason #8: You have better friendships. Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too. And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have children, they spend much less time with their friends—less than five hours a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense of friendship and community—which can actually decrease stress levels, according to researchers at UCLA.
Here are 101 Ways to Fight the Stress Out of Your Life.
And don’t forget – toxic marriages can cause stress, too.
3) I feel like a third wheel when I go out with a couple.
I’ve gone out with couples where I was the only single person, and I’ve also had more than a few couples as roommates. It’s not an ideal situation.
Ginger has a Third Wheel Manifesto.
[O]nce you start dating it’s as if your new personality arrived from a parallel universe. It’s bizarre; you seem to have lost brain cells. Apparently you all possess dictionaries that only supply pet names like Boo Bear, Honey Love, Noodle, Cupcake, Pumpkin and Love Muffin.
I mean, are those names or menu items? Are you dating them or eating them? Make up your mind.
Ever notice that when you engage us in conversation using these names that we supply a look of confusion and proceed to ask you “whom are you referring to?” Then you follow up by saying, “you know who I’m talking about, my boo.”
Now listen up, because you need to know this. We want you to know this. Yes, we do know whom you’re speaking. But our rulebook on such matters clearly state…in order to preserve ones dignity a reply of no is required, a firm “no, I don’t know who you’re talking about”.
This allows us to retain some self-respect. This is not story time; you are not reading to children. Please, spare us and use their real names.
4) I have less in common with my friend now that she’s married and/or has a child.
One Pale Fire talks about her predicament.
Then I was just thinking I don’t spend enough time hanging with Duffy and Susan and Simone… I wonder why I don’t do that, they are nicer to be with then a few other people I can think of. I guess the married with children thing is hard for a single sometimes just because there is less in common to share. It’s not that I think they are really boring or anything I just don’t have much to say about property tax and what not.
5) How do I handle being a part of the singles scene?
KC went to a church-sponsored “Christmas dinner activity for single people,” but the men in attendance were less than ideal.
[The people at the church] are probably thinking that this would be a good idea for one of two reasons. One, a person’s identity as a single person overrides everything else and thus singles would have more in common than marrieds and would have lots to talk about. Two, they might have the opportunity to meet people that they could date. So, if you arrived at said dinner (realizing all of a sudden that for the first time in your recent memory you are the youngest person in the room), who do you think you would talk to?
She goes on to give examples, finishing up with “I have seen the future and it is bleak.”
6) Do I really want to be with a rich man?
Karen Barichievy says there are a number of cons that you might want to consider.
What about sex, then? Surely these testosterone-fuelled chaps are rampant in the sack? Again, you’ll need to adjust your expectations: because if it doesn’t involve earning money, it tends to be rather low on the priority list. A seriously risky trading position will mean he’ll be so consumed by angst that not even a trio of Russian supermodels could appeal to his carnal side. And while you may have the luxury of endless lie-ins, he’ll have bolted out of bed by 6am, scanned his BlackBerry and checked the markets before he’s even got in the shower.
There are so many awesome single women out there who impress me. My friend Dana, for instance, who attends nursing school while juggling a full-time job. My older sister, who takes care of herself as well as a 10-year-old son – a homeowner who painted the living room walls without any help when she moved in. The outstanding female bloggers that I read every day, who move to new cities, change jobs, live on their own or with a roommate, have fun, live life – and do it with aplomb. It’s not to say they wouldn’t be just as happy doing these things with someone by their side, but there are a lot of ladies out there who are taking care of themselves just fine.
Related reading:
From the New York Times: A Guide to Embracing Life as a Single
Young People Who Rock – a weekly CNN blog that features a woman under 30 who “rocks.”



8 Comments
Thank you, thank you!
Boy, do I need this today. THANK YOU, Z!
I sometimes post Quirkyalone’s boards. Lots of cool, intelligent people over there. Good call.
Your blog is the greatest for introducing me to new blogs!
I love it when blogs I read move in similar directions independently of each other! As a tangentially related topic, the Happiness Project blog recently addressed how when you feel dissatisfied or out of step, sometimes all you need is to change a small thing. As a single, it’s tempting to attribute unhappiness to that status. But if you think about things carefully, you might realize that there is something else bothering you–something fixable. Before you overhaul your life or do something dramatic in an effort to catch a man, think of the little things that might have been overshadowed. Clean your closet, get organized, treat yourself, stop procrastinating, or figure out what else might be the matter and fix it. You deserve it!
Ooooh don’t make me think about that!
Remember “Bridget Jones diary” where Birdget thinks she’s going to die a one and her corpse will be eaten by her dogs?
Hum.
Awww…thank you my dear, that was very sweet of you to mention me. I go back and forth between being happily unmarried and wanting to be happily married.
I struggle a lot right now with work and school because I don’t have someone to fall back on like a lot of the other girls in the program. They have husbands who clean, cook, and just help with every day things, which helps relieve some of the stress. That won’t deter me though…..it just makes things a little harder!
Sometimes I think nothing of what I do everyday or how I pay all the monthly bills by myself. Then I think about how nice it would be to have a partner in crime…we would be unstoppable
It will happen someday. It must just not be time for it.
What doesn’t hurt you or bring you down makes you stronger!!