BlogHer

What Draws People To You?

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

As we approach the “Most Favorite Holiday for Single Women Everywhere,” instead of taking another look at what we love and hate, I think this is the perfect time to celebrate why we are so awesome.

Yes, that’s right, I said awesome. Regardless of whether you’re perfectly happy being alone, actively looking for a date, already attached, or on the verge of breaking up, it’s always a good idea to keep in mind what you have to offer. What is it about you that people are drawn to?

Have you ever given serious thought to the question of, “What positive characteristics do I possess that make other people want to spend time with me?” I don’t mean what you can provide to others in the form of connections or money — things that make it comfortable for someone to spend time with you because you’re able to give them things. And even though initial attraction is largely based on physical appearance, I’m not talking about looks, either. Your big green eyes or hourglass physique may help draw someone to you in the beginning, but there has to be something positive or intriguing about you to keep them coming back.

When thinking about what we have to offer, the hardest part is sticking solely to the positives. I mean, is it just me or when you try to think about what you have going for you, all the negative stuff starts trying to crowd its way in? (Sometimes you’re selfish. Sometimes you’re moody. Sometimes…)

Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to acknowledge your negatives — after all, if you recognize things about yourself that you should change, there’s nothing wrong with working on them. But that’s not what this is about. What is it about you that would make someone not want to see anyone else but you? I mean…wow. That’s quite an honor if you think about it, isn’t it? There are a lot of people to choose from in this world; if you’re lucky enough to find someone who truly cares about you and makes an effort to make you happy — that seems pretty darn special.

So here are some positive things I would say about myself:

I don’t ask for much. (Jewelry, fancy dinners, exotic vacations? If you have the resources, sure, I wouldn’t turn those things down. But if you don’t have the resources, that’s okay too.) I won’t demand that you do things for me. If I’m pissed or annoyed about something, I get over it quickly. I’m loyal. I’ll say or do silly things to make you laugh. I’ll put the comfort and needs of someone I love in front of my own (I don’t think twice about buying something for someone else if I see they need it or haven’t had the time to get it for themselves; whereas I’d have a much harder time spending the same amount of money on myself).

What is it about you that other people are drawn to?

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