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(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

As we approach the “Most Favorite Holiday for Single Women Everywhere,” instead of taking another look at what we love and hate, I think this is the perfect time to celebrate why we are so awesome.

Yes, that’s right, I said awesome. Regardless of whether you’re perfectly happy being alone, actively looking for a date, already attached, or on the verge of breaking up, it’s always a good idea to keep in mind what you have to offer. What is it about you that people are drawn to?

Have you ever given serious thought to the question of, “What positive characteristics do I possess that make other people want to spend time with me?” I don’t mean what you can provide to others in the form of connections or money — things that make it comfortable for someone to spend time with you because you’re able to give them things. And even though initial attraction is largely based on physical appearance, I’m not talking about looks, either. Your big green eyes or hourglass physique may help draw someone to you in the beginning, but there has to be something positive or intriguing about you to keep them coming back.

When thinking about what we have to offer, the hardest part is sticking solely to the positives. I mean, is it just me or when you try to think about what you have going for you, all the negative stuff starts trying to crowd its way in? (Sometimes you’re selfish. Sometimes you’re moody. Sometimes…)

Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to acknowledge your negatives — after all, if you recognize things about yourself that you should change, there’s nothing wrong with working on them. But that’s not what this is about. What is it about you that would make someone not want to see anyone else but you? I mean…wow. That’s quite an honor if you think about it, isn’t it? There are a lot of people to choose from in this world; if you’re lucky enough to find someone who truly cares about you and makes an effort to make you happy — that seems pretty darn special.

So here are some positive things I would say about myself:

I don’t ask for much. (Jewelry, fancy dinners, exotic vacations? If you have the resources, sure, I wouldn’t turn those things down. But if you don’t have the resources, that’s okay too.) I won’t demand that you do things for me. If I’m pissed or annoyed about something, I get over it quickly. I’m loyal. I’ll say or do silly things to make you laugh. I’ll put the comfort and needs of someone I love in front of my own (I don’t think twice about buying something for someone else if I see they need it or haven’t had the time to get it for themselves; whereas I’d have a much harder time spending the same amount of money on myself).

Michelle put together a list entitled “Someday Someone Will Love Me For Who I Am Because…” Here are a few of the reasons she gave:

* When I love someone, it’s all or nothing.
* I will always laugh at their jokes.
* I am faithful and trustworthy.
* I will always make them feel like they’re the hottest guy on my radar.
* I’m no Rachel Ray, but I try my best to make dinner every night.

Lissa Kaye asks, “How do you measure [personal] growth?” She now speaks up for herself more than she did in the past; she’s more comfortable with her own voice, and her own opinions, instead of worrying about offending someone.

I think it’s nice when people point out the changes they see in us. Sometimes…a lot of the time…we’re not able to see them in ourselves. In the past, I was very careful to never form a solid opinion on anything, terrified that I’d be wrong in the way I thought. I guess I was a flake, changing my mind about issues depending on whomever I was speaking with and agreeing with whatever their views were. I was afraid that, by taking a stance on a position, I’d be offending someone if I spoke my mind. [...]

For me, I measure growth in the number of times I’ve found my voice, and in the moments when I speak my mind. I measure it in the number of times I’ve made mistakes and chosen to laugh over them rather than punish myself. I measure it in the number of genuine smiles I’ve smiled, and in the instances when I’ve refused to plaster on a mask and pretended to feel something I’m not. In the times I’ve made myself vulnerable to people, and have been real with them.

Merrin posted a picture of herself at 17 years old, and compares the way she thought of herself back then with how she sees herself now.

Now that I’m in my thirties, I look back on those pictures (this one in particular), and I realize what a total and complete waste of time it was to be so self-critical. Because really? I was SMOKIN’ HOT! Granted, I’m so much more comfortable in my skin at 33 than I could even contemplate being at 17, but c’mon. What tricks does the mirror play on the 17 year-old female mind? How could I possibly have thought of myself as fat and not very pretty? I’m not trying to come off as conceited or vain, but when you compare 33 year-old me to 17 year-old me, I had it goin’ on.

I guess my point is this: I love being older and more able to appreciate me for me. I also love being able to look back at pictures of myself and appreciate the me I was then. When I have my daughter, I’m going to do everything I possibly can to make sure she loves herself no matter what. And when she’s 17, I want her to be able to look in the mirror and love everything she sees.

Saffa Chick answered the question “What are five things in your life now that you would never have thought would be in your life when you were 25?” Her fifth:

I never expected to be so comfortable in myself, like ever. The 20′s are actually pretty hard self-image-wise: I doubted my skills, my attractiveness, my ambitions, and I bent over backwards to please others to my own detriment. My 30′s have been the decade for accepting myself as I am, and for learning not to care that much what other people think.

Amber likes that she’s becoming more comfortable in her own skin.

I’m happier with myself than I have ever been. I like who I am now. That’s a big thing. I enjoy the time that I can spend with myself now. I no longer have to fill my time with anything in particular. I can just be. I enjoy my own company. Alone is OK. [...]

My life is so much better without all of the background noise of this little junk. I’m so much happier and comfortable without it. Maybe I cant afford it with my illness. Maybe there is no room. Who knows. All I know is that being comfortable in my own skin — being happy with me is really amazing. And for that I am truly grateful.

Donna Lee is trying to put together a list of ten things she likes about herself, and says it’s harder than she thought it would be.

In my family growing up, there were few compliments and little encouragement to think of yourself as special in any way. I remember asking if I looked ok and my parents saying “yes, you look ok”. No one, until my husband told me I was beautiful or special. [i]Now, I am not saying this so that everyone can feel sorry for me.[i] I know people grow up with way worse things happening to them. But it helps explain why I find it so difficult to acknowledge that I [i]am[i] special and I [i]do[i] like things about myself. And it is one of the reasons that I tried to shower my children with praise for their beauty and for their specialness. I don’t want them to hesitate when someone asks them what they like about themselves.

As for me, I’m still working on it. I get nervous everytime I think of writing “I like that I…” because I am afraid that someone will yell “FRAUD! You aren’t like that at all” But I am slowly working up the courage. Today I like that I am compassionate and empathetic. It’s what makes me good at my job (social worker in a community mental health center). It must show somewhere on my person because complete strangers ask me for help and tell me their troubles. Anywhere. In grocery lines, doctor’s offices, banks. You name it and I have heard someone’s life story there. I like that I listen and don’t immediately jump in with offers of help but try to help individuals find their own answers.

And remember: if you don’t have a man, and you really miss that feeling of falling asleep on a guy’s arm, there’s always a substitute. Tracie shows us that you can buy a Boyfriend Arm Pillow for the low, low price of $19.95.

I enjoy a good cuddle in bed here and there, but for the most part, I can’t usually make it through the night without breaking away from the boy: I always begin to sweat, which makes our bodies stick together, which makes me incredibly uncomfortable. But still, there’s something to be said for those warm and fuzzy moments of cuddling with a guy before it gets all hot and sticky. There’s one position in particular that’s incredibly satisfying: when the dude lays on his back, and you curl up next to him, wedge yourself between his arm and his torso, and lay your head on his shoulder. I’d say that it’s the #1 thing I miss about having a boyfriend. So when readers alerted us to this disembodied arm/half-torso pillow called the “Boyfriend Pillow”, I didn’t find it as creepy as others did; it seemed to me like the perfect solution for those nights when it’s just a party of one. And it was: seriously, guys, I think I’m in love.

What is it about you that other people are drawn to?