(Elysa at GenPink asked me to contribute to her series “The ABCs of Being a Twenty-Something.” I was assigned the letter Q – for Quarterlife Crisis. Click over to the original post at GenPink and read the nice things Elysa had to say.)
When I started writing my blog over five years ago – at the age of 22 – I was in the midst of a full-blown quarterlife crisis. I was taking college classes but I didn’t know what in the world I wanted to do; I was working in a call center (a job that I hated, but I made decent money); I was just beginning to feel normal again after having major surgery on my back the previous year to correct scoliosis (a procedure that left me with permanent steel rods attached to my spine); and to top it off – due to all the stress, the worry, to my feeling of powerlessness – I’d lost thirty pounds due to restricting my food intake.
That’s the state I was in when I started blogging. I was officially a mess.
The reason I started writing online was because I’d decided to take a semester off from college. I was leaving my home in Virginia to spend a few months with my aunt and uncle in southern California, and I wanted a way for family and friends to easily keep up with what I was doing while I was gone.
I was granted a leave of absence from my job, I drove cross-country by myself, and I stayed in California long enough to get my head together – at least “together” enough to feel ready to go back to Virginia and resume college classes the next semester. I completed my last two years of school, and I spent one of those four semesters in a study-abroad program in Amsterdam.
My quarterlife crisis? It was all about searching. I spent many hours on the internet, looking at career options, reading about people who had made big, life-changing decisions. I wanted to know how and why they ended up where they did.
I didn’t know WHERE I wanted to be, or WHO I wanted to be. I thought if I discovered the answer to at least one of those questions (but preferably both), I’d be well on my way to being happy. That’s what I would say to myself, and to other people, all the time: “I just want to be happy. I’ll move wherever I need to move, I’ll do whatever I need to do, as long as I’m happy.”
Throughout my mid-twenties, I remained in crisis mode – just not to same extent. I was able to regain some of the weight I’d lost. I returned to California after I graduated from college and ended up staying for a year. Then I moved to the metropolitan DC area in the fall of 2006, which is where I still am today.
Last summer, not long after my 27th birthday, I said that I had survived my quarterlife crisis. What had changed? How did I reach that conclusion? It’s because – although I still don’t know what I want to do with my life – I’ve reached a level of acceptance. My job isn’t perfect, but I work for a nonprofit that has a great mission, and with co-workers who believe in making a difference. I don’t live in a fancy house, but I do live in a safe, fun area, with a roommate that I like. I’m no longer stick-thin (thank God), but now I work out on a regular basis and I’m more comfortable with my body than I’ve ever been in my life.
Having accepted my life doesn’t mean I’m 100% content with where I am, but that’s okay. I’m growing, I’m adapting, I’m changing, and I’m keeping my eyes (and options) open. In the meantime, I’m not settling. I’m living.
9 Comments
Great post! I love Elysa’s series and you did a great job with your letter
I think that I am going through my Q-life crisis now but I can see the light. I really have no idea what the ideal job would be for me but I just accepted one with a COMPANY that I believe would be ideal for me. I’ve spent the past year crying all the time over nothing, wasting my time with stupid stuff, having my heart and psyche hurt by stupid people, missing home and wishing this was over (Sounds a lot like high school). I’m hoping that soon this will be over. I just want to feel settled. However, I wouldn’t mind the weight loss for me. Instead, I gained almost 80 pounds…
Oh, and how did you like SO Cal? I’m from there but now I live in Indiana. Your neck of the woods is nice. I visit my grandparents in Winchester as often as I can.
That QLC is a real bear, huh? I had a mean one myself. It’s nice to be standing on the other side looking back. I’ve really learned a lot over the past couple of years. Any life lessons?
Great post! The quarter life one is a toughie. I think it’s harder on females and that big 3-0 hits the guys harder. I remember I went around chanting it was a quarter of a century. Something about that sounded massive.
We lived to tell though, ‘eh?
Yeay for living! When you hit 30 you think you’ll be a mess again but then realize half way through the year that’s it’s gonna be ok!
You have done so much more with your life than you give yourself credit for. The travels and all your experiences are what makes you so unique. You have given yourself the opportunity to try different cultures and lifestyles to come to a more realistic conclusion of who you want to be; something that most people don’t even get a chance to do. They get sucked into a life of marriage and immediate children that that don’t even have the chance to see the possibilities around them. It’s what makes you so real and you need to realize that those things that you crave just might not be all that they crack up to be. What you want in your twenties, isn’t necessarily what you want in your thirties.
You, my beautiful niece, have the whole world at your feet, no tie downs, no restraints keeping you planted. Thats a beautiful thing when you have the type of cravings you so desire. Don’t rush your life, but experience every moment and use those tools to get you to that next place you discover. It’s alright you don’t know what you want to be yet at 27. I have told you this dozens of times, you are doing everything exactly the way you should. Don’t rush!!!
The REAL BUMMER is realizing that you can’t change your life and move along to something new. Thats a QLC!!!!
Go Zan Go, you’re going to be okay!!!!!
P.S. I Love You ;0)
I’ve read a lot by you on blogher, finally decided to click through. I’m glad I did. I don’t find a lot of Q-life discussions around the blogosphere, I think I’m there now. It’s nice to not be alone.