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(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

I never thought about body image as a kid. This was probably because I lived in a rural area of central Virginia, and I was home-schooled for most of that time, and I was only allowed limited access to television — so it’s not like I had a lot of reasons to compare my body with others. Even though I recognized that some people I came into contact with had better bodies than others, there was never any thought of dieting, or feeling inferior, or trying to change the way I looked.

My issues with body image didn’t surface until I was in my early 20s. Would I have been affected by these thoughts at an earlier age if I hadn’t been so sheltered from popular culture as a child? I think there’s a good chance I might have been affected earlier, but it seems to be good proof that a person can be susceptible to this kind of negativity at any age, no matter how much someone tries to protect them from it.

I’m not quite as consumed with body image, at least on a negative, personal basis, as I used to be. Last summer I’d already gained over ten pounds from where my weight was at its lowest point — but that “lowest point” also happened to be five years ago. That’s a long time to be so consumed with keeping your weight inside a narrow, pre-defined numerical range. But that’s what so many of us do every day.

Last summer I decided I was going to focus my emphasis on getting stronger and healthier, and…what do you know? It actually worked. But even with all the mental progress I’ve made, I can’t fathom the thought that it’s possible to ever be completely free of NOT thinking about weight or the shape of my body; NOT feeling bothered if I’ve gained a few pounds that I’d rather not be there.

I think this is why, when I read an article or blog post that talks about body image, my eyes are drawn in and I usually have to read the entire thing before I stop. Even if I haven’t been in that person’s exact situation, I tend to find something in what they say that strikes a chord with me. That’s the thing about body image — for better or for worse, it’s pretty easy to relate to. (And sometimes just seeing an ultra-skinny woman can trigger the same reaction.)

For example, when Anne at Elastic Waist talked about feeling better about her body once a significant other offered the positive verbal support she needed — I could definitely relate to that. Your family and friends can tell you every day, all day, that you look good — but will we ever believe it? In a perfect world we would be comfortable with ourselves regardless of what other people thought, but sometimes it takes a hot-ass member of the opposite sex to convince us to get over our silly insecurities. Because, really — if someone else thinks we’re hot and irresistible, shouldn’t we?

Here’s what Anne had to say:

Trusting someone with your nakedness is one of the hardest things in the world to do. That kind of vulnerability goes all the way through, from your bare skin right down to your bones and your heart and your head. That kind of vulnerability can leave you dead, if you are not careful. You are naked, vulnerable, and you can do anything, with them. You can be yourself, completely bare, and that is power, and that is strength, and that is what you deserve.

It took me until I was 28 to experience that, and it was something that happened because I ended up in a good relationship, with a good man. And he made me feel beautiful, un-self-conscious, and ridiculously sexy.

At the time, I loved it. Now–I cannot stand the fact that it took someone else to love my body, before I was able to be comfortable with it. That boy is gone, and it was good while it lasted, but what happened afterward is that it was like it never happened. It was all dependent on him. My entire perception of myself came from the outside.

The thing about body image is, no matter how much weight you lose, there’s always going to be something you don’t like, or that you wish you could change. Thin girls think about their bodies just as much as people who are overweight. This is best illustrated by women who have lost a lot of weight — even reaching their so-called “goal weight” — but still struggle with what they see in the mirror. Carmen asks, How can a size 18/20 feel like a 2/4?

One of the really strange things [since my weight loss] is that when I weighed almost 80 pounds more, I thought that I looked pretty good. I held myself well, had good posture, and dressed well. I may not have had much self confidence, but I apparently possessed a LARGE pair of blinders. Looking at pictures of myself, I could see that I was heavier, but I certainly didn’t feel like a bigger person. [...]

When I go clothes shopping, I still reach for bigger sizes. I pester my husband incessantly – “Am I the same size as her? What about her? Surely not her?” He is patient with me and doesn’t mind, but I don’t think that he really understands how truly skewed my self perception is.

I wonder when it will catch up. I wonder if it ever will. I wonder if I will ever reach the point where I feel like a thin person. I mostly like my body. I would, if I were honest, like to be 10 pounds thinner and have boobs that stayed where they belong, and a bit less booty. I’m happy to be the size I am now, though, but I wonder if I’ll ever relax around the food in quite the same way. Not that it was healthy to be THAT relaxed, but I wonder if I’ll ever eat a brownie without feeling guilt.

Even though Erin knows she’s reached a healthy weight, she still struggles with negative body image and makes the point that thin women struggle just as much as heavier women.

It’s funny what a big realization “goal weight” can be when you’re standing in the mirror, looking at yourself in this body, finally weighing what The Man says you’re supposed be weighing, and you still think you look just hideous.

Actually, it wasn’t funny at all. It scared the ever-loving shit out of me. While I’m perfectly aware of the fact that 138 pounds on a woman who is 5’2 is certainly nothing to be concerned about – I’m at a perfectly healthy weight, obviously – what is disconcerting is that I’m at a healthy weight. What had happened to me that I’d actually stare at myself, as healthy and active and glowing as I’d ever been, and absolutely hate what I saw? [...]

Women who’ve never had an ounce of excess fat on their bodies feel as inferior as the women who are fat and if I hear one more fat woman belittle the body image struggle of the thin woman I will pop her one. It’s not doing anyone a bit of good.

Chelsea used to have an eating disorder. Even though she’s more accepting of her body as it is now, she admits that she sometimes struggles to maintain that balance.

All I want today is a doughnut. A big, sticky, sugary, flaky doughnut. [...]

And I’m so irate over it, that I cursed my salad for tasting like a fucking salad, instead of a cupcake. [...]

I used to have an eating disorder. [...]

The double zeros warped my mind so much that this desire to be thin that started off as vanity, ended up a mind battle that had nothing to do with ME but with my thinking. The constant calorie checking on my cell phone calculator, people calling you “crazy” and not understanding whatsoever the inner battle, the intense two a days at the gym, the popcorn and hot coffee as a meal started to burn my stomach, the thinking obsessively about what I COULD eat next….and then a day, or a week, or two would hit- and I’d feel so deprived I’d turn into a ravenous animal with absolutely no control of my desire to eat everything I saw. It was an out of body experience, a loss of control to intense I couldn’t even IMAGINE behaving in this way now. I was feeling lack, self destruction, the need for perfection, and the need for control. [...]

I’ve accepted the curves of my stomach, the roundness of my face, the strength and contour of my legs, the length and grace in my arms and that little extra I carry in my ass.

But there are days, when I’m still reminded of the mindfulness that I have had to acquire to maintain balance and a healthy lifestyle.

When Lisa at Workout Mommy hit a low point, she decided to turn her negative feelings into something more positive. (Great advice.)

I am in a funk and having a hard time finding my way out. It seems that my brain just cannot let go of the old version of me. The one that could run for miles and barely break a sweat. The person who used to wake up at 4:30 every morning and hit the gym for a serious workout, and then do it all over again that evening. The person who could fit into all of those old clothes hanging in my closet. I’ll call her “BK Lisa” (before kids Lisa). Sometimes I forget I am not that person anymore so when the reality hits, it hits hard. [...]

So in order to pull myself out of my funk, I am going to focus on turning my negative thoughts into positive ones:

Negative: I am too fat
Positive: I am very fit and at a healthy weight. The fact that I can run 7.5 miles at a time is a great accomplishment!

Negative: I am a slow runner
Positive: I am a runner and I love it. My son doesn’t care how fast I run, he just thinks it is amazing that mommy runs races!

Negative: I’ll never improve my running time
Positive: The more I run and train, the faster I am going to get.

Negative: I’ll never be the old me again.
Positive: I’ll never be the old me again because now I have two fantastic little boys who love me more than anything in this world.

Fitz, a contributor at That’s Fit, says she feels so comfortable with her body that she has “forgotten about it.” (Now wouldn’t that be nice?)

Throughout my fitness journey, which truly began when I started teaching group fitness classes at 15 years old….I have had many great and not-so-great moments with my body. [...] Along the way, I’ve learned to enjoy a variety of challenging exercises and balance my fitness. I also learned to appreciate and enjoy produce more than Cheetos. I got a grip on eating right and now I never fret at all over what I put in my mouth. I simply make great choices most of the time.

These habits were formed throughout both my professional education and through trial and error as a person. What I enjoy most about my super fit body is that I never think about it. It isn’t a care, isn’t a worry, and simply just isn’t an issue at all! I value it, but I almost NEVER think about it. I have so much more time to think about my work, my family and my friends. I’m almost always in great spirits, and it takes a major tragedy to get me down.

How’s your body image?

Related reading:

Jennifer Cohen at the Huffington Post: Scary Skinny Is For Those Still Living In The Past

Emme at the Huffington Post: I Smell A Rat
Don’t do business with companies that make you feel bad about yourself

MSNBC: Midlife eating disorders are on the rise

Hollywood’s Dirty Diet Secrets: How celebrities really manage to say so thin

New York Times: Some women avoid going to the doctor because they don’t want to be weighed in front of other people