(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
I’m a firm believer that women can be just as happy when they’re single as when they’re dating or in a relationship, but it’s also okay to admit when you’re ready to meet someone. You want attention; you want to laugh; you want to feel like someone really wants to be around you. At these times you might ask yourself, “What are some fun things I can do to entertain myself and also meet new people?”
In the past, when I was single for a long period of time, it was because that’s what I wanted. I needed time to myself to figure things out in my head, and I didn’t want to be bothered or influenced by someone else. I didn’t make an effort, and I never put myself out there to be discovered, so it was easy to remain single.
So, obviously, if you are looking for someone, you have to make some kind of effort. Sitting around with your girlfriends and moaning about not having someone to hang out with doesn’t count. You have to go places (whether it be in-person, online, or both) to increase your chances of success.
Keeping in mind that I’m a relative newbie to this whole meeting-guys-on-purpose thing, I’ve read enough to know what I would and wouldn’t do if I were looking to meet someone. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve seen is to get out and try something new — something you’ve been wanting to do but have never taken the time to do before. I like this advice because it serves more than one purpose. You’ll not only be putting yourself into a situation where you can meet new people, but even if you don’t meet someone, you’ll still benefit by expanding your knowledge — whether you’ve decided to take some kind of class, or maybe trying a new athletic activity.
(However, you should keep in mind that certain activities are better than others when it comes to meeting men. For instance, I’m currently taking a belly-dancing class where all of the students are female. While the belly-dancing might be useful later if I ever want to show off my skillz — not to mention it’s good for the ol’ abdominals — for the short term, it’s definitely not something I’m using to find a date.)
There are, however, plenty of activities that are more unisex. For instance, I’ve been wanting to try rock-climbing. (And by that I mean a nice, tame, rock-climbing gym. Not a mountain.) I’ve also been talking about getting a bike for a long time. Both of these activities, while being fun (biking) and scary/exhilarating (rock-climbing) would be places where it might be possible to meet new people.
Something else to think about are the things you already do, or places you already go on a regular basis, where you have the opportunity to talk to people but maybe haven’t done so before. For instance, would I talk to a guy at my gym? Sure, as long as he wasn’t being sleazy (but that would be the case in any situation, not just the gym). And of course if you look like you don’t want to be bothered, they shouldn’t bother you. If I leave my iPod at home when I’m doing a weight workout, then I’m opening myself up to being more approachable (and yes, I have noticed that people talk to me more when I’m not walking around with headphones on).
While it’s good to take advantage of new and existing opportunities, there’s also such a thing as trying too hard. For instance, I don’t think it’s a good idea to go somewhere that you know in advance you won’t like, just for the purpose of meeting a guy. (Like those tips to “go to a hardware store to find men” or whatever. What are you supposed to do, just randomly roam the aisles, hoping you’ll be approached by a hottie? I bet if someone approaches you to ask if you need help, odds are it won’t be that hunk you’ve been waiting for.)
The blogger at SF Money Musings considers herself independent and enjoys doing things by herself, but lately she’s “finding [that] being single is sort of depressing.”
When I’m traveling I usually go to museums, sightseeing or eating by myself while others in groups seem to be having the most fun. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind traveling independently – it allows for a lot of flexibility to see what you want but the experiences seem sort of isolating.
How do all you single girls out there have fun without a significant other?
She mentions that she goes to a cafe to hang out sometimes, which is a good idea and one that other people have found to be effective.
Kelly Davis, writing for San Diego CityBeat, shares a press release that said coffee shops are the new pick-up spot. While a lot of people still go to bars to talk and be seen, they’re not really a great meeting place.
· Only 14 percent of San Diego girls met the last guy they dated at a bar.
· 31 percent would be embarrassed to tell their families they’re dating a guy they met at a bar.
Ms. Single Mama wrote about the “Top Spots to Meet Men” — advice specifically geared towards single moms, but I thought her advice was good for childless ladies as well.
1. Festivals or concerts – the men at festivals and concerts are one step above the men you’ll meet at a bar. They enjoy good music, culture and are active members in their community. [...]
3. The grocery store (on a Monday night) — if you haven’t noticed yet, grocery stores are FULL…FULL of single men on Monday nights. Not sure why. Probably because the stores are nice and quiet. Men hate shopping, so they often don’t put it on the top of their list over a weekend.
4. The bookstore or the library – conversation starters galore. “Is that a good book?” “Have you tried the coffee here?” Etc.
(Her advice about meeting men at the grocery store? It reminded me of when my roommate came home a few weeks ago and mentioned that she’d seen a few hot guys while she was out shopping. I asked her if she’d smiled at them and she said no. When asked why not, she said it was because whenever she has smiled at a guy in the grocery store, she turns around and there’s his cute little wife carrying a baby.)
Where have you had success (or not) in finding men?
12 Comments
I struggle with this a lot… because I don’t know where to meet good guys! I’m still in university, and it seems all I meet are sleazy frat boys. But I don’t like coffee and rarely have time to linger in libraries.
I meet some guys sometimes at improv shows, but only “meet” like talk to them for 5 minutes… your next post should be on “how to take the next step” because starting the conversation isn’t as hard as initiating more than banter.
I met my boyfriend at the gym. (Of course he originally started talking to me on behalf of his less forward friend, he and I totally hit it off *laugh*) I don’t go to the gym to pick up guys, but it gave us a chance to see each other regularly and get to know each other over time before we started going out. And, it was a great motivator on days when I was feeling lazy and not interested in going to the gym…well if I DID go I would get to talk to him!
When all is said and done, I seem to meet the most men at work. That’s where I met my last BF. But playing volleyball has been a great way to meet people in general…especially because they are like minded in that they like being outdoors and socializing. The bad thing I’ve noticed about that is that I started maybe a bit too late. It seems the guys my age are pretty much married, or if they are single seem to pay attention to the cute girls in bikinis.
I’m a little stunned at SF Money Musings’ question… I find it’s MUCH easier to find things to do, and people to do them with, when I’m single. Then again, I have no problem being the “third wheel” among my friends who do have significant others, but more often than not, I just call up a friend and ask if they’ll do something with me.
Having a variety of people to go see a museum, have dinner with me, or sightsee feels much more fulfilling…I get different opinions and points of view. After a while with a significant other, I know how they’ll react, or the news they have to tell me…it’s more exciting to do things with people I don’t see as often.
Good places to meet guys, though: I see a lot of local music shows. Many people go alone, and it’s not too hard to strike up a conversation, since you can always start off with the music angle!
Art gallery openings (we have a monthly open art walk here that’s pretty awesome) and sporting events are also really good places, from my experience. The Seattle Mariners even have a Singles Night, they have a whole section of seats set aside for it.
I picked up my husband at Walmart.
I was fed up with being single and ‘waiting around for Mr. Right’ so I set out to do things to improve myself and make ME happy. I started taking classes at my community college and Swing dance classes with my cousin. I didn’t meet my husband doing these things (we met online) but I feel that the confidence they gave me attracted him. Just get out there and try new things! Even if you don’t meet Mr. Right you’ve had a new experience.
i’m a big fan of online dating.
i know a lot of people hate it, but it all depends on how you approach it. you can’t blame the hammer if you are using crappy nails. or something like that.
I second online dating….I have had the most success with that. It’s great, especially if you are limited for time and want to search for someone with particular characteristics. :)
I met husband in college. When I went to freshman orientation, one of the speakers said, “You could be sitting next to your future husband or wife right now.” I thought, “Yeah right, I’d never date these losers.” I never in my life thought that I’d find my husband in a classroom of 100+ people, let alone at the tender age of 22 (now 25). School is definitely a great place because you’re more likely to find someone with similar interests and you get to know this person in a casual setting before you actually start dating. And best of all, no awkward moments when you do have that first date.
I actually met one of my previous three boyfriends at Mass, believe it or not. It was around Christmas time and the priest enlisted us to help with decorations. We started talking, et voila, coupled up. I met the other two (and my husband) using online dating–match.com and Yahoo Personals. I’m a HUGE online dating proponent!
I met my husband at a bar. At Halloween. And he was wearing a Jim Carey costume (you know the crazy pet detective one, with a tutu?)
so I always thought…If I’m a good person and I’m at a bar, there has to be other (male) good peeps here too? right?
I’m inspired now to check out Whole Foods on Monday night. If I don’t meet anyone that cool, as the bakery always has free samples at closing time so I can jones up my sweet tooth…lol…
I’ve been wanting to try kayaking. The cool thing is that there are also double kayaks so once you get to know a cutie you can go paddle in the same boat then go on a picnic. For some reason, that is my fantasy date of late.