Yesterday my DC blogging-friend Tom Quixote wrote a post called 10 Things I Have Learned From Girls I Dated. I decided his “10 Things” needed a female response (his writing is in bold).
1. The girl on Sex and the City with the horse face is Sarah Jessica Parker (women like her because she has a horse face but wears nice clothes and dates lots of guys).
False. I like Sarah Jessica Parker because she seems smart, nice, and down-to-earth. I’m reading a book right now called The Perfect Scent: A Year Inside the Perfume Industry, and part of it follows the launch of SJP’s perfume, Lovely.
As for her character on Sex and the City, I liked her because she appeared both independent and vulnerable. She enjoyed life and liked to have fun. Her clothes? Some were nice, but most of her outfits were more outlandish than I could ever get away with.
2. If a woman sees you holding a baby and not looking terrified, it’s better than foreplay (the key is to wear your terror on the inside).
True. Not that I’m on the lookout for a Baby Daddy or anything, but — sure, it’s nice to see a guy who’s comfortable with babies and children in general.
3. If you ask a girl what’s wrong and she says “nothing,” she is lying (that’s why you should pretend not to notice).
Depends. Sometimes when I’m asked what’s wrong, and I say “nothing,” I really mean it. But yes, I’ve also responded “nothing” when there WAS something wrong and I just didn’t want to talk about it.
4. Girls like watching you do guy stuff, like fixing things (they like it almost as much as watching you hold a baby while not looking terrified).
True. It’s sexy to see a guy fixing something, or making/creating something by hand.
5. Girls are better drivers than men (they can drive and have conversations with full eye-contact at the same time while killing a suprisingly low number of pedestrians).
False. It totally depends on the person! There are tons of guys who are better drivers than women. I think of myself as a pretty good driver, but put me on a cell phone and I no longer pay attention to my surroundings. I’ve been known to miss my exits on multiple occasions, which is why I rarely talk on the phone while driving.
6. Yes, girls do need that many shoes (supposedly).
False. Not all women love shoes. I have way more shoes right now than I actually wear (but it’s still not very many), and I hardly ever buy new ones. If someone were to take all the shoes I don’t currently wear and throw them away, I’d never notice.
7. If a really attractive girl walks into a bar wearing anything remotely sexy, then she is a bitch, and where does she get off walking around with those hooker shoes and last season’s Dolce (and no, I was not checking her out…really…I swear)?
False. I’d look at her and say, “Wow, that girl looks hot. Good for her.” However, if she tried to steal a man I was there with, that would be a different story. Then she’d be a bitch.
8. For attractive girls, a cover charge is like a neutrino. It exists in theory, but no one has ever seen proof of one in person (same thing for speeding tickets).
False. I’ve never had a cover charge waived. (Maybe I’m just not attractive enough?) I don’t go to many places that require a cover, though, so my odds of having one waived are working against me. (As for speeding, I’ve been given warnings and received a ticket.)
9. If you do her a favor and wash some dishes or something and she says “does this look clean to you?” it’s a rhetorical question (and she’s a b1tch).
False. Unless I was really mad at that person for some reason, I wouldn’t pick up a dish after they’d washed it and say, “Does this look clean to you?” That’s rude…
10. Women who don’t like dogs can’t be trusted (they are those pygmies in africa who eat their babies and talk with that clicking sound).
Depends. I don’t love dogs so much that I have to have one for myself, but I wouldn’t mind if my man had one — as long as he didn’t let it sleep in the bed.