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(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

Don’t you love when you read something that actually makes you stop and think? I like this feeling because I read a lot of different stuff, in all kinds of different places, and I’ve mastered the art of skimming. So it’s generally impossible to spend a lot of time reading something — whether it’s a news article or blog post — slowly, in its entirety.

But there are times when you come across something that makes you slow down; maybe even causes you go back and re-read the preceding paragraphs to get the full gist of what that person is saying. Whenever I come across blog posts like this I save the title, web address, and usually a paragraph or so of the piece (to remind myself why I liked it) in a designated place, just in case I want to use the topic in a post of my own at a later time. (Many of these posts I save tend to make their way into what I write for BlogHer.) If I don’t save them, with so much new stuff coming at me every day, I know I’ll quickly forget about them otherwise.

Sometimes I have so many good posts sitting around that I want other people to know about them — even if it doesn’t seem like there’s a central theme tying them together. But you know what? There’s enough of a theme that I feel like these posts make sense. The theme is that these posts are all written by strong, smart women. And I think that’s the best theme of all.

I’ve previously written about why I don’t want to change my last name if I get married. Kerrianne got married last year and she’s currently thinking about this question of What to do?

During month three and four of living as both a Ladish and a Jernigan I started to make a list in my head of everyone I knew and didn’t know who had decided to change their names upon taking vows, and a list of those who had not. I started to wonder if it was a betrayal to not want to take my own husband’s last name. I started to wonder, too, why anyone does.

I’ve also talked about how marriage isn’t for everyone, so I liked this post by Ms. Single Mama. She says, “Married people are weird (for the most part).”

Maybe it’s because I already have the child, the job and the house — minus the husband — but married people mystify me. And why do so many single women want to get married so badly? I can understand why us single moms want to get married — it might be easier. [...] But single, childless women. Seriously. What gives? Am I missing something? Why do they want to find a man so badly? I look at young single women and all I think is god — you have the world in front of you. You could do everything…and be with someone — but do you have to marry him? Why this crazy desire for a ring?

I really enjoyed the post Ariel (aka Electrolicious) wrote about how she and her husband have made their relationship work after being part of each other’s lives for over 10 years.

Lovingly call your partner on their weird bullshit
When Dre and I first started dating, I had some bad habits I’d learned in my previous, completely dysfunctional relationships. Really awesome mature stuff like sulking and giving the silent treatment. The first time I tried to do this with Dre, he looked at me and said, “Wait, are you sulking because I’m not paying attention to you?”

I was like, “Gah! No! Jeez! Um…Kind of? Ok, yes.”

His response was, “You know, it’s way easier if you just ask me for my attention. It saves me the trouble of having to figure out that what you want.”

And so now I say things like, “I’m tired and whiny. Will you pay attention to me and pat my head and tell me it will be alright?”

And he does! It works out awesome for both of us.

But remember, like Kat says, you need solitude in your relationship for it to thrive. It’s not required (or healthy) for you to be around each other every possible minute of the day.

I don’t remember my parents spending every second together having “quality” time or mulling over their feelings. In fact, I remember them trying to get away from each other…my mom to her poker games with the ladies and my dad to his AM radio talk shows. They didn’t take vacations together either. My dad would join us for a few days wherever we vacationed — usually visiting family — and then return to work, happily, and to a quiet, empty, woman-free home, where he’d drink soda and eat steak, two no-nos under my mother’s house rules. I know they loved each other, in their own often confusing way, and they each threw their talents into the mix, but my mother didn’t hand over her self-worth to my father and vice-versa.

Remember the study that said singles have higher blood pressure than married people, so this must mean married people are happier? Author and blogger (and Visiting Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara) Bella DePaulo looked closely at the details and said singles should only be worried about their blood pressure if they believe this study.

Anyone who has taken a course in psychology or research methodology probably knows why [this study doesn't make sense]. If married people differ from single people in blood pressure (or anything else), you cannot know, on the basis of this sort of study, whether they differ BECAUSE they are married. Maybe the people who got married already had lower blood pressure even before they married, and getting married made no difference. [...]

CONCLUSION

If you are single, I don’t think you should decide to get married in order to lower your blood pressure. Just relax and get a good night’s sleep.

Unfortunately, that probably won’t work for me. I’m single, and media reports like these make my blood boil.

Lisa is engaged and living in DC. While mentioning her various allergic reactions, she made this great statement:

It would be so convenient to be allergic to liars or men with huge issues. Wouldn’t it be great to start sneezing or itching when you’re around someone who is going to be bad for you? You’d be on a date and get a rash and know it was time to say goodbye.

(Amen, sister.)

Janet (aka Love is Blonde) — a happily married, childless home-owner — wrote about her questions of “What do I want to do with my life?” I’ve written about this subject many times in the past, and I know it’s something a lot of us can relate to.

Now that I am approaching my late 20s, married and settled down, I wonder if maybe I’ve waited too long to find my dream or my passion or what I want to do with my life. [...]

Aside from having kids at some point down the road, I just can’t imagine what’s in store for my life. I don’t want to fritter away my 20s and find that it’s too late to find a passion. I can’t just start over and go back to school and try again. Even if I could, I just don’t know what the heck to pursue. What is my destiny and please, please tell me it’s more than writing grant proposals, making really good quesadillas, and blogging on the side.

Who else has come across something lately that made you stop and think?