I was followed last Friday night when I was walking home from a restaurant in Old Town Alexandria.
I’d met my roommate and another friend for dinner. I left before they did because I was driving to Richmond that night to see my Mom for Mother’s Day weekend. It was after 8pm, so it was getting dark outside, but it wasn’t completely dark yet. I was on foot, because I only had about a mile to walk.
I turned from the main road onto a side road. About a block down, I passed someone sitting in a car on the side of the road. I heard him say something, so I slowed down – people are always asking for directions and such, so I thought he might need some help. It was this Indian guy (as in “from India,” due to his accent), and when I heard him say, “Hey, cutie, what’s up?” I turned around and continued on my way. He pulled the car forward and kept asking me to stop, and asking if I’d have a drink with him. I ignored him and continued walking.
I got to the next major intersection, where his only option was to turn right, but I could continue on foot straight across the highway to the other side (this is the route I usually take when I’m walking, so I knew the intersection would do that). I figured at that point that I’d lost him.
Little did I know. I got a few blocks down, and when I was passing through another intersection (a smaller one this time, since by then I was in a residential neighborhood) I saw headlights approaching on my left. I knew before he even got closer that it was him.
The thing is, I know the route he would’ve had to take to get into my neighborhood, and it’s not simple: a right at that intersection where I’d lost him, then a U-turn, then back up the street, another right, and then a zigzag through a few more roads to get to where he’d found me again. (My neighborhood is weird because some of the roads are blocked off to keep out through-traffic. It can be a pain sometimes, but the alternative would be majorly busy roads during rush hour, so I’ll deal with the inconvenience.)
I thought about pulling out my cell phone and calling someone. I could’ve called my friends at the restaurant, but I knew it would take them a few minutes just to get back to their car. I thought about calling someone I know who I thought might be working in the area that night. I literally had my phone in my hand and was contemplating what to do when the car pulled up beside me again.
“Hey, cutie, I just want to take you out for a drink!”
So then I responded with something along the lines of “G** d*** it, leave me the f*** alone!” And luckily he did. He stepped on the gas and drove off. (Why he didn’t do that before he chased me down, I don’t know.)
The thing is, I wasn’t scared (at least not until the point when he pulled up beside me the second time). And even then I didn’t think he’d actually do anything – I just wasn’t getting any kind of scary-vibe from him. He was just being ultra annoying. (I think my roommate was more freaked-out about it than I was when I told her about it.)
But since this is the first time something like this has happened to me, where I was purposefully followed, it did make me stop and think. Should I start carrying mace in my purse? Is it time to take a self-defense course? Would any of those things make a difference if the guy really had malice in mind? I do live in a safe neighborhood, but at the time this happened…there wasn’t anybody else in sight.
28 Comments
WOW. I don’t know what to say. I am so glad you are OK. I wish I had some good advice, but I don’t. Self defense is always a good idea, although I never did it. You know, my first thought was “don’t walk home alone anymore!” but that is so infuriating – to think that a woman would need to limit herself because there are dangerous men in the world.
take a self defense class, everything else can be used against you. my choice: Krav maga. It’s really hard, but my other half does it.
OMG – It happened to me once when I was 16 (and looked older, obviously) but luckily on a saturday afternoon, so I entered a shop and asked again that he left me alone, which he did because of the people there
I think self defense would be nice for all of us, been thinking about it as well.
A self-defense course isn’t going to be useful unless you take it for awhile. Learning how to fight takes time. You have to build up strength, learn technique and learn how to get hit. Its not easy if you want it to be realistically effective.
Carrying mace is a great idea. It can catch an attacker by surprise and give you time to run.
I would have been SO scared!!
Did you know carrying mace is illegal in my country? You can cary pott, a small amount of any drugs like cocaine. But mace to protect yourself? Nope.
I would like to learn self defense. But I have to agree with Arthur, I think it takes a LOT of classes to learn. In the mean time? Mace. But try not to worry. I mean, you live in a good area.
i think you handled it just right.
nadine, mace is illegal in a lot of states in our country too. i doubt it is in virginia, but if you do end up buying mace, zandria, you should check and see if it’s legal in dc before you just stick it in your bag and hop on the metro.
both are a good idea. start taking self-defense now and carry mace in the meantime.
and don’t worry about legal/illegal. if you ever have to use it, getting fined for macing an attacker is a small price to pay.
Good suggestions. I doubt I’d be carrying mace around during the day, though — just when I was going to be outside in the dark.
Mace can be enough to stun them for you to get away. It would make it hard for them to be quick enough to be a threat (assuming, of course, you don’t inadvertently spray yourself instead!).
No comment about carrying weaponry… though self-defence training is always good. My comment, though, is one of puzzlement: What are people thinking when they do this sort of thing? Do they really think it’ll get them somewhere? Did the guy really think he’d have any success with you by being creepy?
I’ve always wondered about that. I had a college friend who would get drunk and say crude things to girls, on the order of, “MAN, you’re HOT! Come home with me!” How, um… alluring.
But at least he had the excuse that he was drunk, and that’s why he was being a moron.
I’d avoid the mace, personally. In self defense classes I’ve taken, they often recommend not having a weapon. Using a weapon of any sort can escalate the situation, and there’s always the possibility that your weapon can be used against you.
Self-defense classes are actually pretty awesome, and I think every woman should take one. Chances are that this was an isolated incident, but it’s better to be prepared. (side note: did you know that most incidences of rape are date rape and not stranger rape? But, even then, self-defense can come in handy.)
Yikes! That is really scary, Zan. Good thing he didn’t intend any harm (other than harassing you). Next time, if it were me, I would get a friend on the phone (if only to fill them in on the situation in case things take a turn for the worse) and get myself to a populated area, stat.
I always make a point to be talking to someone when I’m walking around at night.
Even if I fake it. Thankfully, my Blackberry I just have to hit a number for the police to be dialed.
I thought about carrying mace but I’m not sure if it’s legal in Georgia.
I do take kickboxing more for the physical aspect, so if anything, I know I can land a swift kick!
I am so sorry..a little shameful too..spoiling Indian name I guess
WOW Zan..that’s scary!!! How bout this: http://www.safetygearhq.com/runt350.htm I know your area as well and I’d say he’s been casing it, maybe not for you, but for someone. I’d report him to the police and would of gotten his license plate number. You never know if he’s a murderer/rapist or what. He might be on the police list for criminals.
Since you work with some, ask them.
Ack. That’s frightening. You should totally take a self defense course (it would be fun to learn, even if you never need it:)).
I live in a pretty sketchy area but there’s generally always lots of traffic and people walking around, even late at night, so I don’t ever really get worried about that kind of thing.
Please take a self defense course (totally worth it) and carry some mace. I’m glad you’re OK.
Get a stun gun. I know it’s legal for me in Ohio, better check DC. I bought a talan mini (google it) and take it with me to kep loose dogs away or off my dogs. And keep your cell close by always and the next time this happens, call the non-emergency police and let them know someone is following you. They can send a cop out to you.
Don’t fuck around with this. There are some crazy mother fuckers out there, don’t ever forget it.
This kind of shit happens to me ALL THE TIME – it used to be worse until my therapist taught me to be more aware and less smiley-at-anyone-who-passes. I was just in NY and a guy called out to me for directions and like an idiot (who isn’t even FROM NY, mind you), I bent down…turns out he really just wanted directions but how stupid was I – he could have reached out and grabbed me. I’ve taken self-defense and it’s empowering and all, but (while I HATE to even write it), I can’t help feeling that if a guy attacked me physically, how could I not be overpowered? A groin kick would be amazing, as would a key to the eyeballs, but you have to be able/willing to do it. In general, men disgust me because of crap like this. There are about five men in the world who I trust wholly – the rest, I believe just look at women like you and I as pieces of meat.
Whoa, where did all this venom come from?
Good post, Xandria.
Argghh, why do some guys have to be like that? Do they really think that’s a good way to pick up women?
It sucks when you can’t even feel safe in your own neighborhood.
I have pepperspray that has a purple dye (that way the guy can be ID’ed easier). Also, I think it legal everywhere. That’s what they used in the jails and prisons my husband has worked in (although they have more concentrated spray).
Wow…I would have pulled out my phone, walked around to read his license plate, and loudly made a call to 911. And I understand how you were acting in the moment. Still disturbing though.
I’m really sorry, Zan, and very happy you’re ok. Self-defense would be good…and I think we all have to be more self-aware. There are a lot of weird-to-bad people out there. What the hell is wrong with some guys, *sigh*…
My question for guys who do things like this is, what did you think was going to happen? Did you honestly think that it was going to end in sex or even a date? Were you TRYING to be creepy? Geez! So glad you got out of it OK!
This is scary. I think fear is something you should listen to, not brush off. I wouldn’t be scared to call 911, personally. Worst case you scare the guy off with law enforcement — that’s what they are there for!
I think a class is worth it. I’ve learned to pay more attention to my surroundings when I’m out running, but I’ve been thinking about a class as well.
I’m glad nothing more happened, but I think I know what you mean about the “scary vibe.” In all the times I’ve been alone all over the U.S., in Canada, in Paris and London too, I never had anything like that happen. Friends in the same areas had some creepy occurrences, but I guess I was lucky. I really think a big part of it is being aware and not sending out an “I’m afraid” vibe. And not being in sketchy places alone after dark. I had mace with me when I drove around the country alone, but I never had to use it.
The only time I had a guy who wouldn’t leave me alone was in my condo’s pool in New Mexico. He kept making inappropriate comments and saying we should hang out sometime. I finally told him off—then wondered why I didn’t do it sooner. Stupid boys.
you say you thought that he might want direction’s or help? that you live in a safe neighborhood? that you drove around for how long and did not call 911? and that you never called the police after the fact and at least describe the guy or his car or whatever? i think that i missed something in the translation. it must be me.
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