(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
I was washing my hands in a public restroom not long ago when I saw a woman standing at the row of sinks along the opposite wall. Her back was to me, but I noticed she was wearing a sleeveless shirt — and what stood out to me were her toned arms. Her muscles weren’t immensely large, but they were well defined and I could tell she’d put in some effort to have them look that way. I made the split-second decision that I should tell her what I’d noticed: “You have nice arms,” I said. And you know what? By saying what I did, I made this woman’s day.
A huge smile appeared on her face and she walked over to stand next to me. She told me she’d always had muscular arms, but up until recently they were just thick — she’d been putting some extra work into their appearance and she was proud of them. “As you should be,” I said. “You look great.” She must have thanked me two or three times.
I had a smile on my face when I left the restroom, too. It wasn’t just because I felt good about giving this woman a well-received compliment. It was because I knew how she felt. I know how awesome it is to receive a compliment when someone notices a positive change in your appearance; something you’ve worked so hard to achieve. I had a similar experience late last year, after I’d been working out regularly with weights for about six months. I had met up with a friend who I hadn’t seen since the previous summer, and her reaction (“You look great!”) made me feel like a superstar.
Sure, we work out for ourselves. But when people actually notice…and tell you so? We are human creatures and we tend to enjoy a good compliment. In addition to doing exercises for our arms (and chest, and shoulders) so we can easily lift heavy boxes, we also do it so our upper bodies will look good in a tank top. We do squats, leg presses, and lunges (among other things) to form shapely legs. And why else would we suffer through core exercises unless we cared about flattening our midsection?
Some people really love working out with weights. Some people hate it. Sometimes people think they hate it until they get someone (like a friend, or a personal trainer, or even a staff person at a gym) to show them how things are done. As for me, up until this time last June I’d simply never worked with weights at all (unless you count a few sporadic, half-hearted attempts at bicep curls with a 5-lb dumbbell).
Working out with weights has done more to transform my body than anything else I’ve ever done. I do cardio as well, but unless you’re specifically trying to lose a lot of weight by burning extra calories, you’re just not going to see the same kind of physical transformation that you will with regular weight training. I like being able to feel the muscles in my legs. I like being able to squeeze my arms and not have them go squish-squish — there’s an actual mini-muscle there now, which I’ve never had before.
But in addition to the benefits on the outside, I’m absolutely certain that becoming physically stronger has made me mentally stronger as well. I feel more confident. It doesn’t bother me to be the only women in a weight room filled with grunting men. If someone tries to help me carry something heavy, I feel awesome when I’m able to say, “No, thank you. I’ve got it.”
Noel Figart agrees that we should do weight training to help us feel better on the inside, and to feel physically stronger — not just because you’ll notice a positive difference in how you look on the outside.
When I see articles about how someone’s life has become so much better since they got thin and look great in a bikini I want to scream, “You’re missing the point!” I mean…of course I want to be found attractive. But ya know, that’s a lot of work to go to get approbation from the outside. And the idea of finding life validation in terms of how sexy I’m seen is kinda scary to me, because it puts my life worth in someone else’s hands. No thanks. See, when I work out, I do it to be stronger. Would I like to look hot in a bikini? Sure. But honestly that’s years away if it ever happens and isn’t much of a motivator to get my ass into the pool or a bar loaded across my shoulders. At this stage it’s the energy to do my day. It’s having physical options.
Kelly from Fitness Fixation says there are four types of commentary she generally gets about her (muscled, tattooed) arms — some is positive, some not so much.
[M]ost of the people who disapprove of the guns are coincidentally not people I have even one tiny bit of interest in impressing. I mean, it’s uncanny how often it coincides. [...]
At the end of the day, I’m just glad I found the sporty life and it makes me happy. And I don’t care about the haters.
One of my all-time favorite quotes came from MizFit when she was interviewed by Workout Mommy.
When I was a personal trainer I would *always* try and talk my clients out of wanting to be skinny. “You want to be BIG” I’d admonished them. “Muscular. You want to take up SPACE in the world. Be noticed.” To me skinny is weak and I’m not about the weak woman.
Erin from Lose the Buddha lost a fair amount of weight, but it’s weight training that she attributes to her increased feelings of self-confidence.
At some point I’m going to have to stop saying that I hate weight lifting because it’s the majority of what I’m doing in the gym and I, well, I love it. Lifting weights, and seeing how it’s transforming my body, is giving me an appreciation for what my body can do in a way that losing all that weight didn’t do. [...]
Lifting weights has shown me something new to try and love about my body, as opposed to hating or feeling self-conscious or apologetic for not taking up as much room anymore.
I feel strong. I am strong.
Weight training: love it or hate it? If you’ve been working with weights on a regular basis, have you noticed a positive difference (either internally or externally)?
Related Reading:
BlogHer Contributing Editor Deb wrote a great post about how she got started at the gym — and gained confidence in the process.
Taylor Ryan gives us 10 Reasons Every Woman Should Lift Weight, as well as tips for Weight Lifting for Beginners.
SparkPeople: Why strength training is a must for everyone
Fit Sugar: Five Reasons You Should Be Lifting Weights
16 Comments
I never thought I’d say this (and especially after only 3 personal training sessions), but I think I might actually LIKE strength training! Up until now, I’ve been an admitted cardio (running) junkie who thought weights were boring, but I’m seeing things in a whole new light these days…
Throughout my illness I did 100% cardio. When I started recovery, I started doing weights. Now I honestly would not be without it – how did I go to the gym for so long and not pump iron? It gives me an appreciation of what my body can do, I am strong, I am toned, and the results are SO QUICK compared to any other type of exercise. It’s so satisfying. It’s how exercise should be.
And I always used to slouch. But I reckon it’s physically impossible to slouch after a year and a half of resistance training. Your body and your brain just won’t allow it.
TA x
I LOVE working out my legs and I can’t stand working out my arms. Which might be why my arms are my least favorite body part…
Speaking of complimenting…I told a coworker of mine that I liked her shirt yesterday. It was a green button up short sleeve shirt with really nice button detailing. She gave me a huge smile back with a delighted “Thanks!”. Noticing does make a difference!
I really agree with the physical strength = mental strength. And that was good of you to let the woman know you noticed! I must be sure that I do that today.
I LOVE strength training – I think it gives you such a feeling of accomplishment, like “yeah, I can do that,” then you feel like you can do just about anything.
*blushing*
thanks so much for the shoutout it is appreciated on a level you dont even realized.
and that’s all Im gonna say and we’ve previously established Im all about being an Iron Sister.
Miz.
You really inspired me to try some weight lifting, now… I never did it!
(BTW! Hi, I’m Filipa and I’ve been following your blog for some months now (and I love it!), although I’d never introduced myself.)
It’s great you told her.
I always try to tell people when I notice something I like about them.
That’s so awesome that you noticed the woman’s arms, and complimented her.
I love working with the weights. It definitely helps with the toning up.
Exercising in general is a love-hate relationship for me. While I am lifting I just wish it would end! Sometimes it just hurts so much. I usually dread going to the gym, but am so happy I went when it’s over. AND I love having muscles! I’ve been lifting pretty regularly for the past year and a half, but have always been more muscley than not. It was so wonderful to feel myself getting stronger and actually seeing the muscles appear as the layer of fat thinned out. I’ve also been able to keep the weight off that I lost a year ago because I of weight lifting. It also helped me when I decided to start rock climbing. You definitely need upper body strength for that!
P.S. I love your posts! I just noticed your cute little picture up on my browser’s address line thingy!! I really like your new page!
I as a guy find women who lift hot. I know it makes everyone healthier and provides strength and endurance.
Sometimes lifting sucks but its worth the end results.
I’ve been weight lifting the last several months with a female co-worker and she is PSYCHED because her arms have transformed from being big and kind of loose to tight and defined. She looks great and loves wearing sleeveless shirts. And its not just her arms, her whole upper body is tighter and more defined than before.
http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i58/oboe-wan/Miscellaneous/100_0525-1.jpg
Enjoy the photo – it’s from a gig back in November where we had to dress are Roman Goddesses for a performance at Caesar’s Palace. My best friend from high school focused on my arms which have even changed shape more since this photo 7 months ago.
I don’t train w/free weights or equipment, as you know I do yoga. So the “weight” I’m slinging around is my own body weight. I’ve seen a noticeable change in the shape of my body in the 10 years I’ve been practicing, but it’s always nice when other people notice.
I have to admit that I go completely sleeveless all summer because I love showing off my arms & shoulders. :)
good for you for complimenting her…I absolutely KNOW it made her day. Women need to be nicer to each other in general.
On another note, I can’t lift weights right now because of my neck injury and it is killing me. I fel like I’m slowly melting… waaa.
That’s great you gave the woman a compliment and she felt really proud of that.
Surprisingly, I used to life weights when I was like 7 years old! I could easily lift 40-50 lb dumbbells and later could bench press my weight. However, over the years, I’ve kind of gotten out of weight lifting.
Maybe one day, I’ll get into it again.
Weight lifting can definitely bring good results though, so keep up the good work with it.