Monthly Archives: July 2008

Living Abroad: It’s an Option

28thJuly2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

What would you do right now if you could change your life? In my case, I seem to have gotten it into my head that I might want to modify my living location once again. This could mean moving to another U.S. city…but it could also mean going to an entirely different country.

There are no definite plans; no city or country identified; no job. I have an apartment lease and a brand new gym membership. This isn’t something that would happen in a matter of months — it’s just an idea that hatched in my mind and won’t go away. I’ve felt for years, ever since I did a semester abroad in college, that I might end up leaving the U.S. again for a period of time. It’s an option, and I like having options.

I’ve always enjoyed reading memoirs written by people who have moved to foreign countries — they write about their experiences, both good and the bad; what they learned; how their lives were changed. When I read about these people, I always think, “I could do that! I want to do that.” It almost scares me to admit it publicly because I usually make definite plans before I let other people know what I’m thinking. But I have a feeling that, this time, this is the best way to go about it.

At this point, I’m thinking another year would be the minimum amount of time I’d need before I was ready to make another move. There’s plenty of stuff that can be done in the meantime though, and I’ve identified some steps I can take.

Most importantly, I’m going to make sure I’m ready to welcome change into my life by being ready for that change to occur. How will I know which city or country I want to move to if I don’t know enough about these places to make an informed decision? I have to do research; I have to explore. Visiting a number of locations would be an ideal option, but that would be prohibitively expensive. I have a few places that I’d really like to see in person (an option for one overseas visit just presented itself last night), but for the others I could at least start doing some research online.

Another part of being ready for change is getting rid of unnecessary clutter so I don’t have to deal with it later. The apartment I live in doesn’t have a ton of storage space, but there are still things that could be weeded out from my closet: old paper files, clothes that are too small, shoes I don’t wear. On top of that, I have boxes of books and mementos stored at my mom’s house, and also in my little sister’s attic. It’s not a ton of stuff, but if it isn’t anything I really love or I’m positive I’m going to use again, there’s no reason for me to keep it (or ask other people to do so).

The thing is, I really like the fact that I’m contemplating this change while I’m happy with my life as it is right now. I like living in Alexandria; my job situation is good; I live close enough to immediate family members that I can reach most of them within a few hours. But I also like that I’m being proactive. I don’t want to wait until I’m tired of how things are, and get to the point where I’m miserable, before I start looking for alternatives.

I’m not 100% sure this will happen. I could always change my mind. A year from now I might say, “Hell, no. No way. Look at how fabulous my life is right now; I’m staying where I am.” And if that’s the case? That’s wonderful. It means I’ll have made an informed decision to stay where I am — and if I do that, it must mean I’m happy and that’s where I should stay. But if I continue to have this nagging thought in the back of my mind that maybe, just maybe, I should do something else? If I don’t explore it, a year from now I’ll still have all those months of research and decision-making in front of me. It’s best to start now.

What do you guys think?

Related Reading:

Mandi at No Apathy Allowed moved to Germany not long ago. This post talks about how impressed she is that Germans are so environmentally friendly and she gives examples of how “energy conservation is integrated into everyday life.”

Wayward Elf talks about the big transitions in her life — one of which was deciding to go to graduate school in Zurich, when she didn’t know how to speak the native language.

Rachel at Small Notebook has been thinking about the importance of preparation, which is her key to staying organized. Her goal for August is to “spend a few minutes each day taking simple steps to be more prepared and organized.”

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer | Comments (23)

6 Ways to Hold Yourself Accountable to a Fitness Routine

23rdJuly2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

A lot of good things can be said about motivation when it comes to sticking to a regular fitness routine. Motivation makes us feel mentally pumped-up; it energizes; it’s about seeing physical results and wanting to go even harder and faster. But motivation is impossible to sustain 24 hours a day, every day. When your alarm goes off before the sun rises and the very last thing you want to do is get out from under the covers? Enter: accountability.

Accountability is what gets you out of bed at 5am for a morning run when you know your friend is waiting for you. It causes you to do things like fill out exercise and nutrition logs, so you can go back and look at your progress and make sure you’re staying on track with your goals.

People are much more likely to stick with something if they hold themselves accountable in some way. For some it can be as simple as making a decision and telling a friend they’re serious about sticking to it — but could that friend please check in once in a while, just to make sure they’re staying on track? Other people need something more structured. Me? I can go both ways, depending on the goal. With certain things, I have no problem sticking to my plan — but with other things I do much better if I have backup.

A good example of something I need to hold myself accountable to is my 101 Things list. (Maybe because it’s a long-term goal, and not something I work on every day or a certain amount of time per week?) I hold myself accountable to completing the things on my list by posting monthly updates, no matter what.

When a goal is more short-term and I’m not holding myself accountable, I tend to get into trouble. I announced last month that I’d like to be able to do at least 10 standard push-ups by Labor Day. I can do 5 of them at this point, but I only have a month to go — and last month I could already do 3-4. That’s not a lot of progress. But I’m sure a big part of it is due to the fact that I haven’t been following any kind of specific plan.

Here are 6 ways to hold yourself accountable:

1. Use a website like SparkPeople or Traineo to track your exercise and food intake.

Advantages: It’s convenient and easy to use. It’s also helpful to see changes made over time.

Disadvantage: Having to remember what exercises you did (or what you ate) once you get back to a computer — either that or you have to write it down and then transfer it to the computer later, so you may be duplicating your efforts.

Other electronic options: track your activity using Twitter; commit to posting regular before-and-after photos on your blog; start a new blog that’s specifically set up to track your activity and progress.

Ali at The Office Diet describes the benefits of keeping a food/exercise diary.

2. Use a paper journal (like one of these free downloads from FitSugar)

Advantage: You don’t have to go online if you don’t want to.

Disadvantage: There could potentially be a lot of paper to keep track of.

Maria Kang gives 6 Tips to Start Running in the Morning, one of which is to “Keep a running calendar on your wall.” Maria says she’s “a very visual person who constantly needs to see reinforcement of what I am doing. I hate to see blank spots so it motivates me to have none!”

3. Hire a personal trainer
Knowing that someone is going to meet you at a particular time, kick your butt, and you’re paying them to do it? Sounds like a great way to hold yourself accountable!

Legally Heidi wants to hire a personal trainer to get her back on track.

4. Sign up for a class
How about trying boot camp for 6 weeks, or an 8-week dancing class? A recommendation — if you’re just starting out, try a class that lasts a certain period of time rather than something that goes on indefinitely. If you don’t care for it after the time is up, you can always try something new.

5. Work out with a friend or partner
I don’t currently work out with a friend, but there are certain situations where it’s nice to have company. I had a great time with my sister when I took her to my gym last month when she came for a visit. It would also be fun to have company when I go out to ride my bike.

That’s Fit: Working Out as a Couple

Isaac at Got Strength?: The Pros and Cons of Group Exercise

6. Establish your own “fitness rules”
I hadn’t thought of it this way before I read Jacki’s post at That’s Fit about her five fitness rules, but I tend to adhere to this more than anything else right now. I don’t want to carry paper around with me; it can be annoying to me to track my activity online; I don’t have a personal trainer; I don’t work out with a friend.

The “fitness rules” that I follow are making sure I work out with weights three days a week (unless I’m out of town). I don’t stay on a strict schedule for the other stuff, but it’s pretty much guaranteed that I’ll find time for walking, running, and biking throughout a typical week.

What helps you stay on track?

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer, Fitness | Comments (15)

Online Dating: I’m Going For It

21stJuly2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

If you’re curious about online dating, the easiest way to ease yourself into such a situation is to ask people who have already tried it for themselves. What did they think? Did it work for them? Would they recommend it? At the age of 28, I’ve never participated in what I would consider to be full-fledged online dating — that is, I’ve never been a member of a site that I had to pay for.

As a social media user, I did sign up with MySpace a number of years ago. I’ve met and talked to a number of men through that site, but it doesn’t have the best reputation for being a go-to site for dating. (I’m sure there are plenty of quality men who use MySpace. It’s just more difficult to pick through their profiles since they aren’t typically set up very well with “let me describe myself”-type information.)

I recently got it in my head that I’m ready to try something new, so I started asking questions. I let it slip to several people that I’ve been thinking about venturing into the online dating world, and the responses have been largely encouraging.

The general consensus? As long as I choose the right photos, there’s a good chance I’ll get a fair number of responses. People have said it will likely be a good ego boost. (Interestingly enough, I just realized that nobody said anything about choosing the right words to describe myself. Maybe because the text itself isn’t the most important factor in an online profile?)

Like pretty much every big decision I make, I realize I’ve been putting a lot of advance thought into this whole thing — as opposed to just jumping in, creating a profile, paying a fee, and seeing what happens. It’s funny. I’ve been encouraging to other people who wanted to try online dating, and I don’t have anything against it personally, but I’ve never been wild about using this particular method to meet someone.

It’s hard to explain why that’s the case, mainly because I don’t have one, good, concrete reason why I’ve been putting this off. It’s not like I think online daters are weirdos, and I’m not worried about being stalked. (I do know that people tend to misrepresent themselves, though, and attempting to weed through that nonsense won’t always be fun.)

Some of my reticence is simply due to the time factor. I have to be willing to devote the time needed to look at profiles, read and respond to emails, coordinate dates and — at some point — meet these people in person. I also realize that doing this could change my life, and that’s one of the reasons I’ve waited so long to try it. (I don’t mean “change my life” in terms of “I’m going to meet my soul mate tomorrow!” It has more to do with voluntarily introducing emotions back into my life that I haven’t had to deal with in a while. Happiness, sadness, excitement, nervous stomach fluttering — and those inevitable dashes of insecurity.)

Despite all that, I’ve decided that I’m ready. Now the decision turns to which dating service I should use. I’ve heard good things on separate occasions about Match, Yahoo Personals, eHarmony — even Craigslist. I’ve also heard the advice about signing up for all of these services if you really want to be successful, but…baby steps, people. I think I’ll start with one and see what happens.

Any recommendations?

Related Reading:

Julie isn’t having a lot of luck with online dating so far.

Michelle says that online dating is old hat. The new way to find true love is through a DNA test.

Velvet in Dupont did a lot of dating before falling in love with a friend.

Sue Mittenthal and Linda Reing at the Huffington Post: 10 Dos And Don’ts Of Online Dating

Judy McGuire at TheFrisky.com: Dating Don’ts: How Not To Get A Second Date

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer | Comments (44)

Feeling Like an Adult (and Relating to Them)

14thJuly2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

It’s only been in the past year or so that I started thinking of myself as an adult. Until I reached my late 20s, even though I’d been making big, life-altering decisions on my own for years, I never felt like I was completely in the mindset of being a grownup. All the things I’d done up to that point, although they shaped me into who I am, weren’t quite enough.

The reason I didn’t feel like a grown-up didn’t have anything to do with feeling — or acting — irresponsible. I’ve been taking care of myself ever since I graduated from a rural Virginia high school a few days after I turned 17, and the following month I moved 60 miles away from my family, to Richmond, with a friend. I went to college for a year, then I took a break from school for a few years while I worked. I stayed at the same company for seven years, between the ages of 18-25. During that time I made the decision to go back to school, and while I was there I studied abroad in Amsterdam for a semester. I bought a brand new Civic when I was 19 years old, and I used it to take several cross-country trips across the U.S. by myself.

But while those things were happening, there were other factors holding me back from feeling like an adult. I always lived with other people, for instance, so I never felt like I was handling things completely on my own. I lived with my older sister for a number of years, and then my younger sister was my roommate for a while. When I moved to California for a year after graduating from college, I lived with my aunt and uncle. There was always someone to fall back on if I needed it.

I was also struggling with my raging quarterlife crisis — I always thought I should be doing something different from whatever I happened to be doing at the time. I didn’t date anyone at all for a number of years, and even though that was my choice, I felt separate from other people my age who had boyfriends, and that whole “I’m sharing my life with someone else” experience.

In addition to all that, I had an eating disorder. I’ve heard this theory that says one of the reasons certain females develop eating disorders is because they’re scared of growing up. If you weigh less, you don’t have womanly curves. Your breasts shrink; your body is more childlike because you’re straight up-and-down and not filled out in all the places where women tend to be filled out. If you lose enough weight, you’re likely to stop menstruating (over the course of a few years when I was underweight, I had my period about three times). While I wasn’t scared of growing up (it was more a feeling of powerlessness about my future), I can see how not feeling like an adult could have played a role in my body issues.

Being an adult, or feeling like one, doesn’t lend itself to neat age categories. You can’t hit 21, or 25, or 30, and automatically put a checkmark in the “adult” box. It’s based on your life experiences; your mindset; all kinds of factors. If someone gets married at age 22 and has children while they’re young, they might feel more adult than someone ten years their senior who made different choices in life.

I started thinking about all this when I read a post on BlogHer not long ago. It was written by myrnatheminx, a single woman who is almost 40, called BlogHers of A Certain Age Who Aren’t “Mommies”. But what stood out to me was a comment that QuirkyEconomist left on that post. She’s a 30-something single woman who said she often finds it hard to relate to fellow single ladies who are still in their 20s.

I think many of the blogs that talk about being happily single are written by 20-somethings, so while I often find individual posts I love, there are many that reflect that younger stage of life and are less relevant to me now. Maybe all the single not-quite-middle-aged women bloggers are writing about things like politics or social activism, rather than life as a single, not-quite-middle-aged woman?

I started thinking about all this — feeling like an adult versus not feeling that way — after I read that comment. I’m not saying that older women see all females in their 20s as non-adults, but I do think it’s harder for them to relate. And that makes sense. Women in their 20s tend to struggle more with questions about their life and where they’re going than women who are in their 30s and above. Age differences will always be a factor, even if you have other interests in common. I can already see examples of this myself at age 28. Even though it doesn’t mean I don’t understand them and what they’re going through, it’s easier for me to relate to bloggers who are closer to my age than those just recently out of high school.

But the nice thing is, regardless of age, we’re always going to be able to relate to people who have similar interests. For instance, my blogroll expanded once I became interested in reading fitness-related blogs last year — I add new ones all the time simply because we share an interest in that topic and I like reading what these people have to say.

I’ll be at the BlogHer conference next week. I’m looking forward to seeing people whose ages span a wide range — there’s 19-year-old Sagan and 56-year-old Deb, and I feel a commonality with both of them because of our interest in health and fitness. Next week it won’t matter whether Sagan considers herself to be an adult, and it won’t matter that Deb is a few years older than my mother.

When did you start feeling like an adult? And if you still don’t, what do you think has to happen in your life first before you do?

Related Reading:

Christine Hassler at the Huffington Post describes the term Adultolescence, and how it relates to women just as much as men.

20-year-old Dar looks at her mother, who got married at age 21, and realizes how young that really is. She asks, “I wonder if as you get older the ‘kid’ feeling goes away and you feel like an adult?”

Even as a mom with two kids, mamastoff sometimes feels like she’s not quite an adult. She says, “When I was younger I always thought there would be some magical age that I would begin to feel like an adult. I’m beginning to think that age doesn’t exist!”

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer | Comments (20)

Ready to Kick Some Butt? Try Krav Maga.

8thJuly2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

The arms of my female co-worker were covered in bruises. I was walking down the hall and stopped when I saw her holding them out, a proud look in her eyes as she moved her arms this way and that, displaying her wounds from multiple angles. The bruises studded her pale skin from wrist to elbow. Was it an unfortunate accident, or a drama-filled fistfight? Hardly. She’s been practicing krav maga.

What is krav maga? It borrows certain techniques from martial arts, but it’s not technically a martial art. It was originally developed in Israel as a self defense and military hand-to-hand combat system. (Is that too obscure? Watch this video on YouTube.)

After talking to my co-worker and hearing her enthusiasm, I decided to take an introductory class. The first thing we did was warm-up — but don’t let that modest term fool you. The warm-up kicked my butt, but in a good way. I was literally dripping sweat all over the mat (along with everyone else, I might add). We started out by jogging forward, and then backward, around the room. We did push-ups, and burpees (which I’d seen but never attempted), and squats. (And let me tell you, I was rockin’ those squats. Most of the time I do squats with weights, so doing them with just my body weight was easy. When I get on one of those squat machines at the gym, I’m using weight-plates that add up to 140 pounds — roughly my own body weight.)

I did have an embarrassing moment. I’m not used to jogging backward, so I was having a little trouble keeping up. I felt like I was going to fall, and it was awkward trying to run while holding my head at an angle so I could see behind me. The guy who was running in front of me wasn’t paying attention, and he ran right into me as we rounded a corner of the room — his back collided with my chest, and his foot landed directly on top of one of mine, causing both of us to land in a heap on the mat. Luckily we were able to recover quickly and jump back up, rejoining the line of backwards runners.

After the warm-up we went over the correct way to stand in a fighting position, and practiced different punches and kicks. We worked in groups of two — I was partnered with another female — and we took turns holding hard, black punching bags while the other person beat the crap out of them.

We’d call out to our partner which punch they should throw (“jab” for a right-hand punch; “cross” for the left, and “combo” for one of each). While we were punching we were also moving around, and we had to shuffle our feet to stay in a fighting stance. Sometimes it was hard to remember to do everything at once: stand in the correct pose (or the instructor would come by and correct you), punch with the correct fist, don’t forget to twist your body with each punch (and make sure you’re holding your fist in such a way that you won’t injure yourself!). But it was fun and the time went by quickly.

We also practiced kicking. One person would bend forward and hold the punching bag a little lower than waist-height. The other person would kick straight up, with their shin hitting the bag on the way up. I was good at kicking. My lower body is pretty strong.

(This is completely unrelated, but just in case anyone’s curious…yes, about 3/4 of the class consisted of males. I didn’t feel self-conscious — I’ve gotten used to being around men when I lift weights at the gym — but it was nice having all that eye candy whenever we stopped to rest.)

I didn’t have bruises on my arms once the class was over, but I did bust up a few of my knuckles from hitting the punching bag so hard with my bare fists. (The regular students came prepared with gloves or hand wraps.)

My worst injury was a knuckle on my right hand. The skin was completely torn away — even though it looks a lot better now, it’s taking a while to heal (bending my fingers so much doesn’t help the healing process). I had two scraped knuckles on my left hand as well, but they didn’t look quite as bad as this one:

Injured knuckle

Am I going to continue with these classes? Not right now. It was fun, and a great workout, and I’m glad I tried it, but I’m not ready to commit to the time and money involved. If it was something I could do once a week, or pay on a per-class basis, that might be a different story. But this studio in Washington, DC (just a few blocks from where I work) charges $150 per month for unlimited classes. If I signed up and only went once a week, I’d be paying almost $40 per class. Right now I have too many after-work commitments — including the extra work I do in addition to my regular “9-to-5″ — to take classes multiple times a week.

Now, true, I realize that fitness, and how much we’re willing to pay for it, is all about our priorities. If I truly loved krav maga, I’m sure I’d be happy to hand over that $150 every month. I’d either cut back on some of the extra work I’m doing, or I’d cut back on social activities and the other forms of exercise I do, like running and biking. But that’s not what I want to do.

I don’t feel like I’m doing so much right now that I’m overwhelmed, but at this point I’d rather continue to try new things (like going rock climbing — that’s next on my list!), until I find something I love so much that I feel like I’m ready to focus a lot of time and energy on just one activity.

But, you know, maybe I’ll never focus on just one thing — and I’m perfectly fine with that. I’m a Gemini, and Geminis are characterized by their love of change. If I take krav maga, and then go rock climbing, and then take a cardio striptease class, and then yoga, and ballet, and boxing? Oh, my Lord, how fun does that sound? I’ve never been an expert in any one subject, and that used to bother me quite a bit — but it bothers me less and less each day. The fact is, I like trying new things, and I like being able to say, “Yes, I’ve tried that. Now let me tell you what I thought about it from my non-expert perspective.”

Sacha Chua started taking krav maga in early 2007, and started back up again a few months ago. She’s experienced bruises on her arms and knuckles, but she seems to be enjoying herself. In April, Sacha made this observation about her hands:

The middle knuckle of my right hand is a little darker than the others, and a bit sensitive to the touch. It’s an interesting sensation. I’ve never bruised my knuckles before. Heck, the krav maga folks had to teach me how to punch.

But it’s so much fun!

And in June:

In…krav maga class, we practiced groundwork, side kicks, back kicks, and getting out of side head-locks. I’ve got a long way to go before I can kick as well as the others do, but the guys make it fun. We often warm up with a shoulder-tapping game, which I like. I sometimes forget to breathe, though, and that makes me tire faster! Gotta work on that.

Lil Leya said she couldn’t wait to go back after her first krav maga class.

Yesterday’s combat instructions were geared to teach you to get out of a situation where someone has you in a bear hug. The instructor gave us techniques like slapping your hand on the back of the attacker’s neck where their nerve ending are, or grabbing their nose and twisting their face until they have to drop. My favorite is gouging our fingers into the attacker’s eyes and pushing them onto the floor! At one point we were practicing (on each other’s foreheads, not our eyes…I just got laser surgery thank you very much!!!)…anyway..we were practicing and the instructor praised my eye gouging technique! They have officially created a monster! I can’t wait to go back!!!

Attackers…watch out!!! I may be little, but I am fierce!!!!!

Kimber is taking krav maga with a friend.

We are finishing our second week of Krav Maga and love every pulse rising, sweat inducing, limb extending moment of it. We often partner up for drills and being the shy introverted types, we spent the first week glued to each other partly in fear of the unknown and partly out of our survival instinct. We have now reached a more comfortable level of acceptance among the group and are forging new partnerships with our classmates.

Has anyone else tried krav maga? If so, what did you think of it? If you haven’t, would you?

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer, Fitness | Tagged | Comments (21)