I spent a few hours hanging out with my friend Stasia not long ago. It had been over a year and a half since I’d last seen her, but she had a good idea about what I’d been up to during that time — she’s a long-time reader of my blog. (In fact, we initially met via the internet. She’s one of the first bloggers I ever met in person, although she’s currently on a blogging hiatus herself.)
We were sitting in my living room when she (unknowingly, I believe) gave me a compliment that I wasn’t expecting. I think I might have even sat like a zombie for a few seconds while I processed it. You see, Stasia told me that I am deliberate.
Is “deliberate” a funny word to take as a compliment? I don’t think so. Stasia has seen me go through quite a few changes in my life, having read my blog for so long (I’ve been writing online for six years as of September 1st), so she had good examples for why she thought that way.
She’s read about all the big decisions I’ve made: Returning to college in my early 20s after taking a break partway through. Studying abroad in the Netherlands. Driving cross-country by myself. Moving to the west coast. Moving back to the east coast a year later. She even mentioned my recent job position change at work, and how — instead of telling them “yes” right away when it was offered — I took the weekend to think about it first.
Stasia’s point was that, unlike some people who do things without thinking them through, I look at a decision from various angles, take all the time I need in order to feel comfortable with it before moving on, and make sure it’s the right choice for me.
I thought it was an awesome compliment. Yes, this is the way I am, and it works for me, and I like being deliberate — but until somebody points it out, I don’t think about the fact that other people might notice it, too.
Being deliberate really helps with not feeling regret later, even if your choices don’t turn out the way you expected. The big decisions I’ve made? Every single one of them has changed who I am in some way. And I like making changes. I hope I always continue to seek them out.
10 Comments
That is a great compliment. I’m going to strive to be more deliberate in my decisions, especially the big ones.
I got back and forth sometimes I’m impulsive other times I go at a snails pace. It is a very nice compliment, more people should go through life like you.
That reminds me of a joke:
Bob: The boss paid me a nice compliment this morning.
Joe: Really? What’d she say?
Bob: She said that I’m pedantic!
Joe: Um. And you consider that a compliment?
Bob: Well, it is a compliment, to a pedant.
Great lesson..nice post!
This is interesting… I usually associate deliberate with cautious (like deflecting or mitigating potential threats), but it sounds like you and Stasia associate deliberate with openness and reflective thinking. Cool.
Deliberate IS a compliment!
I didn’t know you spent time in the Netherlands. My dad was born there. Speak any Dutch?
That is an excellent compliment!
I think it’s a great compliment–coming from someone who has suffered the consequences of being impulsive and very un-deliberate! I could have saved myself a lot of time and heartache if I had stopped to think once in a while when I was younger!
That is a great quality to have.
not to rain on your parade, but as with all of our strengths, they are usually our weaknesses as well. being deliberate is a great quality and you should take stasia’s comment as a compliment, but i think you are a bit too deliberate sometimes.