Monthly Archives: August 2008

Does Astrology Play a Role in Romantic Compatibility?

25thAugust2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

I admit it. It’s one of the things I make sure to look at when I’m scrolling through someone’s online dating profile. It’s not the first thing I look for — photos, height, and the way they describe themselves come first — but yes, I do take note of a person’s astrological sign. I don’t live by my daily horoscope and I wouldn’t entirely discount someone with an incompatible sign if I liked everything else about them. But I do take a look.

On the online dating site I use, I’ve noticed that some men choose not to display their astrological sign. I don’t think it’s a matter of being ultra-conscientious about identity/privacy issues (are they worried about someone guessing their birth date within a 30-day range?). I can only hypothesize that some people choose not to display their sign because they don’t want women factoring it into their decision-making process about whether to make contact with them or not.

As a Gemini, the only astrological sign I’m opposed to dating is a Scorpio. Read any romance/compatibility report — our signs don’t work well together. I also happened to have a huge crush on a Scorpio during my junior and senior years of high school. He consumed my little teenage heart — I would stare at him longingly during the one class we had together; I convinced myself when he occasionally met my gaze that he was doing so because he secretly liked me. I think I even called his house and hung up on him a few times. (This was ’96-’97, when you could still get away with these things, before Caller ID. Or at least before Caller ID had reached rural Buckingham county, Virginia.)

I was dismayed when I borrowed a book from a friend on astrology, and learned of mine and my crush’s romantic incompatibility. I didn’t let it stop me, though! I knew — just knew — that if given a chance, we could beat the odds and make it work. (Ah, the idealistic logic of a 16-year-old.) I was never given that chance, and I’m sure it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he was a popular, good-looking basketball player and I…well, I wasn’t in a corresponding clique.

So basically, Scorpios are out. It’s a holdover emotion from my tender high-school years, coupled with the fact that our signs are not known to work well together. It has happened a few times — especially when I’m not blown away by someone’s online profile right away — that I’ve noticed someone is a Scorpio and I felt entirely justified in clicking away, never to return (poor Scorpios).

I know there are exceptions to every rule, and I’m sure there are plenty of people with incompatible signs who are living happily ever after — but it does make me wonder. I wonder if a couple who has issues because they aren’t compatible astrologically would get along better with someone who has a more compatible sign. It seems to me like it would play a part. A woman who is fun-loving and chipper might not match very well with a man whose temperament is dark and brooding. A man who loves to travel might clash with a woman who can relate to her sign’s tendency to stick close to home.

I wonder how many people think about this. I wonder if there’s ever been a study about people who are married or in long-term relationships, whether they stay together or separate, and what their astrological signs are. It would be interesting to see if there’s any correlation.

Do you take someone’s astrological sign into consideration before you date them? Are you currently with someone that you know is a compatible or incompatible sign? If so, do you think it plays a role in how well you get along (or don’t)?

Related Reading:

At Dating Scene, Karina talks about sign compatibility and asks, Is it for you?

Urban Panther is a Gemini like me, and asks the same kinds of questions in her post: Do you put any stock in your zodiac sign? Would you look up a potential partner’s sign to see if your signs are compatible?

Miss March says she has a “dating website addiction.” One of the things she makes sure to check on a person’s profile is their astrological sign.

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer | Comments (19)

The Attraction of Opposites

20thAugust2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

When I think about men I might want to date, I don’t look for someone who necessarily shares the same kinds of interests I do. Don’t get me wrong; I have preferences when it comes to physical build, looks, and personality. But individual interests like political preference, or how much (or little) they read? Not so much.

Having the same political preference is a non-negotiable for some people, and I could see it being a bigger factor if I had really strong opinions about such things. Even though I tend to relate to one party more than the other, I usually try to listen and understand both sides of an argument. I can understand why someone might prefer certain things about the opposite political party, so I don’t mind if the person I’m interested in has a preference for a different candidate.

The same premise applies to factors such as someone’s interest in travel, and whether or not they like to read. I enjoy both of those, but it wouldn’t be a huge deal if the person I’m with doesn’t care for either those things. As long as he’s okay with me going on trips from time to time, and as long as he’s okay with the fact that I may travel with friends or meet friends once I get to my destination, we’ll be just fine.

Is it possible to have a relationship with someone that you may outwardly seem incompatible with? I say yes, even though there’s nothing wrong with sharing the same interests. I just like the fact that even though I might not have considered looking for a particular type of person, it’s possible that once I find them they could end up changing me for the better, or inspiring me to try something I’ve never done before.

(Warning: I’m about to say something really cliche. Yeah, I know. Gag me. But it’s true.) If you and your date/partner have respect and understanding for each other, you’re golden. Those are much more important factors than being a meat-eater vs. vegetarian; or if you’d rather be engrossed on the computer while he watches football; or being a Democrat or Republican (although some of you would probably disagree with me on that one).

I believe opposites can attract and work out. Do you?

Related Reading:

Lit Chic is serious about books and picky about what her potential date reads.

Revolution Health: psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum answers the question, “Should people with different political persuasions date?”

Maiden Metallurgist asks “Just How Much Do Opposites Attract?”

That’s Fit: Vegetarians, vegans, omnivores and love. (“Can differing dietary habits drive a wedge between relationships?”)

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer | Comments (15)

Strip Aerobics: Shake it Like it’s Hot

19thAugust2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

Although I can put on a brave front, I must admit I was a little apprehensive about taking Strip Aerobics. I was picturing this big, brightly lit room with ultra-fit women parading around in skimpy clothing. I was afraid the students would laugh at me and critique my moves. I feared the class might involve removing my clothes.

Another misconception: I’ve read various reviews of cardio striptease DVDs, and a few people have commented that it wasn’t a good cardio workout. I actually went to the class thinking, “Oh, I’m not expecting this to wear me out.” Now that the class is over, what would I like to say to those people? Throw out those DVD and get yourselves to this class, or one that’s similar in your area.

Strip Aerobics at The P Spot not only busted the myth that striptease isn’t a real workout, but there was never a single moment where I felt self-conscious. “Never?” you ask. NEVER. How can that be? I was too busy trying to keep up! And so was everybody else. We were too busy trying to do the moves correctly to worry about checking each other out (much less worrying about critiquing each other).

So what did we do? There were a lot of squats. We did squats with and without the use of a pole (there were a number of poles scattered throughout the room because they also offer Pole Fit classes there). We would hold a squat as we bounced our booties back and forth and up and down. We would squat, then open our knees wide and bring them back together again (this is called a “butterfly”). Stand up, repeat. Hurt.

In addition to the squats, there were various shimmying moves and also an ab component at the end. (Who knew you could work your abs in a sexy way? It’s all in the way you flex your toes, reach with your arms, and trail your hands oh-so-seductively down your legs.)

Whenever we had a short break, my fellow students and I would look at each other in sweaty amazement. Oh my God, we mouthed. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

The P Spot is located on the bottom floor of a row house in DC, an unassuming place directly across the street from a large church. In order to read the small sign posted on the door that lets you know you’ve arrived at the right place, you have to climb the flight of stairs that leads to the front porch. (My friend Jen took the class, too. She writes for the DC Examiner and wrote an excellent article about her experience with the class, including a profile of our awesome and ultra-fit instructor, Michaela.)

(Edited to add: Jen also featured me in a post on her DC Examiner site this morning.)

Michaela wore a pair of clear stiletto heels with tiny lights inside that blinked on and off. She also had a selection of red heels for rent (which a few ladies were brave enough to try), but I decided to forego that option. Other things to note: only women are allowed inside while classes are taking place and the doors remain locked.

If you’re still skeptical about the cardio aspect of the class? Here’s photo evidence of Jen and me (ultra-sweaty!) after the class was over.

Semi-Charmed Jen and me

Have you tried strip aerobics? Or would you?

Related Reading:

Charlotte at The Great Fitness Experiment has taken Zumba and TurboKick, both of which include provocative moves.

Fit Bottomed Girls reviewed Carmen Electra’s Aerobic Striptease: Vegas Strip.

Chaos Noir disagrees with teaching pole dancing to young kids. (I totally agree with her.)

Jezebel: Pole Dancing Workout Stories Will Not Die

CNN: Pole Dancing Helps Strip Off Pounds

NY Times: From the Erotic Domain, an Aerobic Trend in China

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer, Fitness | Comments (14)

Online Dating: Do’s and Don’ts

11thAugust2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

I recently made the decision to try online dating. With the combination of my past dating experience and what I’ve read and heard from other people, it quickly becomes apparent what turns me on and what turns me off, what makes me click on a profile versus clicking quickly away, and what has to happen for me to take time to respond to someone’s indication of interest.

Assuming someone has passed the initial general-attractiveness test, the rest of it comes down to simply making an effort, not misrepresenting yourself, and not being sloppy. Here is my list of dating Dos and Don’ts for guys:

DON’T:

Don’t stick to stupid timeframes. A guy waiting 3-4 days after a date is over before contacting the woman to tell her he had a nice time? Dumb. If I didn’t hear from a guy for multiple days after a date, I would assume he wasn’t interested. This is not the olden days of telephone-contact only, when we didn’t want people to think we were sitting at home, breathlessly waiting for it to ring. We know you have a cell phone, we know you have email. Use it.

Don’t talk about sex too soon. If we haven’t met in person and we decide to “talk” through IM, do not bring up the topic of sex. A certain amount of flirting is okay. I can do flirty. But this one guy shared how he wants his next bed partner “to know what she’s doing, because I don’t feel like being the teacher again.” You know, if you want to talk about sex, at least have the courtesy to wait until we know each other a little better. Some girls might not care, but it turns me off. Subsequent IM requests from him were ignored.

Don’t have a too-close relationship with your ex wife. Being separated or divorced isn’t a deal breaker for me. But if you’re divorced, you and your wife shouldn’t be living in the same house.

Don’t misrepresent yourself by using an outdated photo. I can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to do this, but I’ve heard about it enough times that I know it happens. Why would anyone post a photo of themselves that was 10 years old, or showed them 50 pounds lighter? Do they hope you’ll fall in love with them via email first and not care what they look like in real life?

DO:

Do ask me out on short notice. If a guy doesn’t contact you before Tuesday (or is it Wednesday?), there’s some “rule” that you’re not supposed to accept a date for the next weekend because he didn’t give you enough advance notice. That’s a stupid timeframe. If it’s Thursday night and some guy I like calls and asks if I can hang out the following night? I wouldn’t break my plans if I already had something else set up, but if I were free? Sure, I would accept. It’s better that than sitting at home by myself because I was trying to follow “the rules.” How boring.

Do send emails and texts, especially if you happen to work a wonky schedule and it’s hard for us to get together. I like knowing that you’re thinking about me. You’ll know if I return your interest and want it to continue because I’ll answer your emails and texts in a timely fashion. If I didn’t like you, you wouldn’t hear from me.

Do have a driver’s license. If you’re over the age of 18, I expect you to have one. I tend to look for guys who are my age or older, so this means I expect anyone I date to have a license. This doesn’t mean you have to own a car — some people live in cities and don’t find it necessary to own a vehicle — but you should at least have the knowledge (and legal ability) to drive one if the situation presents itself. (Yes, there was one guy I talked to for a short time who was in his late 20s and had never had a license.)

Do live in my general vicinity. Say, 20-30 miles away at the most? Men in Pennsylvania and Newport News, VA? You are too far away. Unless there is something ultra-compelling about you, you’re not going to be my first choice to date. That may limit my options, but right now I live in an area that has enough people living close by that I’m not worried about being too picky.

Do take the time to write something. Depending on the site (even if it’s a free site like MySpace), you can choose to send an email to someone you’re interested in, or you can send a “friend request” or a “wink.” If I receive anything other than an email, I’m much less likely to respond to you — unless you’re really hot. I might make an exception in that case.

Do think about what you’re writing. I’m not expecting greatness, but even if you’re cute, sending me something like this won’t get a response: “nice pics/profile…sup w/ u?”

DC Damsel wrote a great post called Online Dating in the District. She’s specifically referring to her dating experience in Washington, DC, but she takes apart Match.com profiles with ease. Here’s a preview:

Income

The unspoken rule is, don’t list it. Especially if you fall in the “25K-a-year or under” category. I really don’t want to know ahead of time I’m going to have to spring for your Starbucks latte. And if you’re in the “150K or higher” category, don’t brag about it in your profile, only assholes with penis envy have to point it out that they’re richer than the majority of the unwashed masses.

LJ at City Grits has advice for men on their online dating profiles, too.

DO NOT TYPE YOUR PROFILE, PARTS OF, OR HUGE CHUNKS IN ALL CAPS. THIS IS WHAT WE IN THE “ONLINE WORLD” LIKE TO REFER TO AS YELLING. GENERALLY, NOT A GOOD WAY TO MAKE FRIENDS AND DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD WAY TO GET A DATE – UNLESS YOU HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES. IF SO, POINT NOTED!

General comment: profile names such as hottie, stud, ILUVBEER, and DrOLuv should be avoided. They’re trite, boring, and quite frankly look very desperate.

If grammar is not your forte, I recommend you take the text of your profile and paste it into word and click the little “spell check” button. It does wonders. MAGIC.

Surfergrrl had a conversation with a friend who was trying to set her up, but she knows better than to take on someone who’s deemed “a project.”

Friend: Well, he’s in his 30′s and he’s still living with his parents…

(again, stop right there)

Friend (continuing)…you know he’s had some money problems and then his fiance dumped him and…

(at this point I tune out until he finishes listing off this guy’s reasons, ahem, excuses)

Needless to say, I politely declined. Projects are for Ty Pennington, not for me.

From Yahoo Personals: The Worst Dating Mistakes by Men and Women

What are your dating do’s and don’ts for guys?

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer | Comments (13)

The Power of Determination

5thAugust2008

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

This Friday, the opening ceremony of the Olympics will kick off in Beijing. Over the next few weeks, impressive athletic feats will be on display, records will be broken, and medals will be handed out. While the high level of talent and athleticism on display is undeniably impressive, the thing that stands out most to me in these Olympians is the level of discipline and determination they possess. That’s how they got to where they are today.

I really am awed by it. The relentless training, the strict nutritional guidelines, the single-minded focus required so that nothing gets in the way of their goals. I think the reason I’m so impressed by it is because I don’t quite understand it. It’s impossible to relate unless you’ve experienced something similar yourself. You may have the physical capability to be the best in your sport, but reaching the performance level of most Olympic athletes would be impossible without the determination required to make it happen.

Although I find it commendable that someone could be so completely dedicated to a goal, I don’t know if I’d ever want to be able to relate to Olympians to that extent. While it might be nice to feel so strongly about something — to love something and be really good at it — a lot of that success is due to other things having been given up. Relationships. Free time. The sacrifices are worth it to some people, but I don’t love any sport or hobby so much that I’d want to devote a majority of my waking hours to it.

I would, however, be okay with a stronger level of determination than I have right now. I’ve often thought that if I were more determined, it would be easier for me to set more difficult fitness goals for myself. Maybe I wouldn’t still be struggling to complete 10 standard push-ups in a row. Maybe I’d be closer to my unassisted pull-up goal.

A friend of mine who reads my personal blog told me not long ago that I seem almost surprised when I accomplish a goal that I’ve set for myself. In her words:

You still seem somewhat surprised at yourself when you accomplish goals, but the kind of goals you have set for yourself are entirely within your control. You just have to plan what you need to do reach your goal, and then do it. There’s no magic to it. “Plan your work and work your plan” — best advice I ever got.

She’s right. Although I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far, I’m not doing anything extraordinary. I’m physically healthy, so — within reason — I could be doing a lot of things right now that I’m not currently doing. At this point, I know I don’t feel like I do enough — not nearly as much as I’m capable of doing, at least. I’m not saying this because I want people to prove me wrong by listing all the things I currently do that maybe other people don’t do. That’s just the way I feel.

Those Olympic athletes? They’re hardcore. They set their sights on something and don’t give up. Even though I’m okay with never reaching the same mental level, they have a lot to teach us about the power of determination.

Related Reading:

Melissa has been looking at profiles of female Olympians in magazines and finds them inspiring.

Spin Diva loves watching the Olympics, and shares a link to a website that shows athletes preparing for the big event.

Maria Kang talks about how to get back on track when you’ve strayed from your regular training plan.

Women’s Health: Get in Olympic Shape (the Q&A pages are really interesting)

BeliefNet: Top 15 Most Inspirational Olympic Moments

By Zandria | Posted in BlogHer, Fitness | Comments (7)