(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
When I think about men I might want to date, I don’t look for someone who necessarily shares the same kinds of interests I do. Don’t get me wrong; I have preferences when it comes to physical build, looks, and personality. But individual interests like political preference, or how much (or little) they read? Not so much.
Having the same political preference is a non-negotiable for some people, and I could see it being a bigger factor if I had really strong opinions about such things. Even though I tend to relate to one party more than the other, I usually try to listen and understand both sides of an argument. I can understand why someone might prefer certain things about the opposite political party, so I don’t mind if the person I’m interested in has a preference for a different candidate.
The same premise applies to factors such as someone’s interest in travel, and whether or not they like to read. I enjoy both of those, but it wouldn’t be a huge deal if the person I’m with doesn’t care for either those things. As long as he’s okay with me going on trips from time to time, and as long as he’s okay with the fact that I may travel with friends or meet friends once I get to my destination, we’ll be just fine.
Is it possible to have a relationship with someone that you may outwardly seem incompatible with? I say yes, even though there’s nothing wrong with sharing the same interests. I just like the fact that even though I might not have considered looking for a particular type of person, it’s possible that once I find them they could end up changing me for the better, or inspiring me to try something I’ve never done before.
(Warning: I’m about to say something really cliché. Yeah, I know. Gag me. But it’s true.) If you and your date/partner have respect and understanding for each other, you’re golden. Those are much more important factors than being a meat-eater vs. vegetarian; or if you’d rather be engrossed on the computer while he watches football; or being a Democrat or Republican (although some of you would probably disagree with me on that one).
I believe opposites can attract and work out. Do you?
Related Reading:
Lit Chic is serious about books and picky about what her potential date reads.
Revolution Health: psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum answers the question, “Should people with different political persuasions date?”
Maiden Metallurgist asks “Just How Much Do Opposites Attract?”
That’s Fit: Vegetarians, vegans, omnivores and love. (”Can differing dietary habits drive a wedge between relationships?”)
15 Comments
Yeah, as long as the opposites can move in opposite directions.
I’m not sure. My bf and I are going through a bad time and it’s because we are complete opposites of each other – it makes it very difficult for us to understand each other. But my one example definitely doesn’t set any type of precedence.
I am definitely attracted to opposites in guys that I date. I don’t really care too much about compatible interests as long as we get along and our personalities and big life philosophies match up.
I’d have to say yes, opposites can attract however I think there has to be more in common with someone rather than more differences for it to last. I like being my own person separate from my husband which is why having differing interests works well for us, but fundamentally, we both share a love of many of the same things.
I want a partner, not a twin.
~K
I think it is possible that opposites attract but it is rare. You can have the attraction but when it comes to the long term relationship that is where it can fall apart. I think as long as you love and respect each other anything is possible. Nice post.
Mara
http://24stepstogo.blogspot.com/
i agree with what you said about being open to meeting someone that might not look like a “match” on paper, but that ends up exposing you to new things that you may not have considered otherwise. it took me awhile to do that, but when i did, i found that the “must have/be” list in my head wasn’t really all that much of a “must” any more. and it also showed me that what i thought i wanted wasn’t necessarily what i really needed.
I totally agree with you. Some of my best relationships have been with men who on the surface seemed like my opposite. I am looking for interesting conversation not someone to agree with me all the time.
My husband and I are TOTAL opposites on so many levels. He’s a software engineer; I can’t figure out how to update my Firefox. He is calm, cool, and mellow; I’m a somewhat neurotic Type A. I love fantasy & sci-fi; he reads nonfiction. I have a huge appreciation for the absurd and can be a giant goofball; he’s easily embarrassed.
I think the fact that we’re not carbon copies of each other brings a lot of balance and (good) tension to our relationship that wouldn’t otherwise be there. It definitely works for us…
I once read a very studious paper by a sociologist, who explained that this is a reason why online dating often fails: you tend to look to profiles that look very much like yours. When, in real life, it doesn’t matter if you love the same movies or singers, you need to have complementary qualities.
So it’s good for you you’re not looking for your “twin” online!!
So refreshing to find a blog that I can relate to! (Most of ones I read center on stages of life beyond my own.) I believe my boyfriend and I are pretty opposite in outward personality — although people are saying we’re starting to look alike … EW WEIRD.
i agree, 100%. you can often find a nice balance when you date someone who is the opposite of you, and end up having less fights than you would with someone who shares the same ideas as you regarding EVERYTHING.
I agree and I disagree, most people I tend to date tend to not be like me at all.
Sometimes it work, sometimes it doesn’t. I personally don’t mind the opposite traits but it seems the people I end up dating seem to mind.
I couldn’t date a carbon copy of myself (no matter how GREAT I am – ha!), it would drive me crazy.
My husband of 18 years and I are so opposites it amazes me we are still together with 4 kids no less
I think the bonding agent has to be understanding, honesty, patience, tolerance, the ability to step out of our own box and into theirs and the ability to agree to disagree now and again.
That has worked in our relationship very well. We have had our fights–all too often– but then there’s making up and that’s good too.
I’ve noticed in many friends’ relationships that their significant others tend to be more like me than the friends are, in terms of personality. I think the opposite attraction also works with friendships, so when my friend-opposite finds a partner-opposite, the partner is usually more like me. Does that make sense? It’s not quite that simple, but it does seem to be a pattern.
ii don’t find similar interests to be that important either but i think there’s a huge difference between having different interest levels in football and vegan vs. omnivore or democrat vs. republican. i couldn’t be in a relationship with someone if i didn’t (at least for the most part) share their values. i wouldn’t be in a relationship with an omnivore for sure. it’s theoretically possible i could share values with a republican but quite unlikely.