Comments on: The Attraction of Opposites

By: classic jen

classic jen — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:51:33 +0000

ii don’t find similar interests to be that important either but i think there’s a huge difference between having different interest levels in football and vegan vs. omnivore or democrat vs. republican. i couldn’t be in a relationship with someone if i didn’t (at least for the most part) share their values. i wouldn’t be in a relationship with an omnivore for sure. it’s theoretically possible i could share values with a republican but quite unlikely.

By: April

April — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 20:11:42 +0000

I’ve noticed in many friends’ relationships that their significant others tend to be more like me than the friends are, in terms of personality. I think the opposite attraction also works with friendships, so when my friend-opposite finds a partner-opposite, the partner is usually more like me. Does that make sense? It’s not quite that simple, but it does seem to be a pattern.

By: spindiva

spindiva — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:01:25 +0000

My husband of 18 years and I are so opposites it amazes me we are still together with 4 kids no less :-)

I think the bonding agent has to be understanding, honesty, patience, tolerance, the ability to step out of our own box and into theirs and the ability to agree to disagree now and again.

That has worked in our relationship very well. We have had our fights–all too often– but then there’s making up and that’s good too.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:18:59 +0000

I agree and I disagree, most people I tend to date tend to not be like me at all.

Sometimes it work, sometimes it doesn’t. I personally don’t mind the opposite traits but it seems the people I end up dating seem to mind.

I couldn’t date a carbon copy of myself (no matter how GREAT I am – ha!), it would drive me crazy.

By: well-intentioned heartbreaker

well-intentioned heartbreaker — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 21:11:22 +0000

i agree, 100%. you can often find a nice balance when you date someone who is the opposite of you, and end up having less fights than you would with someone who shares the same ideas as you regarding EVERYTHING.

By: michelle

michelle — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 21:04:47 +0000

So refreshing to find a blog that I can relate to! (Most of ones I read center on stages of life beyond my own.) I believe my boyfriend and I are pretty opposite in outward personality — although people are saying we’re starting to look alike … EW WEIRD.

By: Lullaby

Lullaby — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:59:02 +0000

I once read a very studious paper by a sociologist, who explained that this is a reason why online dating often fails: you tend to look to profiles that look very much like yours. When, in real life, it doesn’t matter if you love the same movies or singers, you need to have complementary qualities.
So it’s good for you you’re not looking for your “twin” online!!

By: Jen

Jen — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:46:14 +0000

My husband and I are TOTAL opposites on so many levels. He’s a software engineer; I can’t figure out how to update my Firefox. He is calm, cool, and mellow; I’m a somewhat neurotic Type A. I love fantasy & sci-fi; he reads nonfiction. I have a huge appreciation for the absurd and can be a giant goofball; he’s easily embarrassed.

I think the fact that we’re not carbon copies of each other brings a lot of balance and (good) tension to our relationship that wouldn’t otherwise be there. It definitely works for us…

By: StacyDesigns

StacyDesigns — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:40:25 +0000

I totally agree with you. Some of my best relationships have been with men who on the surface seemed like my opposite. I am looking for interesting conversation not someone to agree with me all the time.

By: tulips4me

tulips4me — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:38:01 +0000

i agree with what you said about being open to meeting someone that might not look like a “match” on paper, but that ends up exposing you to new things that you may not have considered otherwise. it took me awhile to do that, but when i did, i found that the “must have/be” list in my head wasn’t really all that much of a “must” any more. and it also showed me that what i thought i wanted wasn’t necessarily what i really needed.