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(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

Like a lot of people, my roommate and I have a local bar that we frequent. There are a number of them to choose from in Old Town Alexandria where we live, but this particular bar has many features that we like. The best part is, while we do recognize and talk to other regulars from time to time, there are always enough new people to keep things interesting. We’ve never gone in there and not talked to someone we didn’t know.

I have no immediate plans to move away from this area (my roommate and I have both said that Old Town is our favorite place out of all the locations either of us have lived), but one day when I do, O’Connell’s is one of the places I’d be the most upset about not having access to. What do I like most about it?

The bartenders. It’s an Irish bar, so all of the bartenders are Irish (I guess it must be a pre-requisite to get hired there). They’re nice, and they have cool accents. It’s nice to go to a place often enough where the bartenders recognize and greet you, and also remember what you drink. (For me? Rum and Diet Coke.) They don’t give us drinks for free, but they’re heavy-handed while pouring the alcohol so we don’t have to buy as many.

Smoke-free. Bars in Virginia aren’t required to be smoke-free, but this place has a smaller room (with it’s own bar) for the smokers that’s separate from the larger, main bar area where we hang out. This means we don’t smell like ashtrays at the end of the night.

The ambiance. It’s not ultra-noisy like a lot of other bars. They have music playing in the background, but it’s not at all difficult to have a conversation. (I hate having to shout.) Plus, it looks cool in an old-timey, historical kind of way (hence the location in a place called Old Town).

Proximity. This bar is only a mile from where we live. When it’s late and I’m ready to go home, it only takes a few minutes.

Our fellow customers. O’Connell’s attracts a variety of ages, and I’ve met an amazing cross-section of people (which is not uncommon in the metropolitan D.C. area). Everyone has a story. School teachers, FBI intelligence analysts, IT guys, law enforcement, a manager of a retirement home, a Marine who’s been on missions all over the world (he could tell me the countries he’s been to, but nothing about what he was doing there). I talked to a guy who was visiting from Johannesburg, South Africa — he told me he has to drive everywhere he goes because it’s too unsafe to walk around outside even in the middle of the day.

Having said all that, it is a bar, which means regular bar-type interactions take place (checking people out, buying drinks, asking for phone numbers that may or may not ever be used). In all the months I’ve been going to this bar, and taking into account all the people I’ve talked to, I’ve never gone on a date with anyone I’ve met there. However, I’ve seen and experienced enough bar behavior to know how I don’t like to be approached.

Don’t use a pick-up line. Also, don’t use a pseudo pick-up line (like asking what I’m drinking, or asking if you’ve ever seen me before when you know you haven’t). The best course of action is a simple hello. Introduce yourself. You should be able to tell by the person’s reaction if they want the interaction to continue.

Don’t interrupt. If I’m in a conversation with someone else, at least wait until we’ve finished speaking before you approach. If I’m not interested in talking to you, you’ll know because I’ll answer your question (briefly) and turn around and continue the conversation I was already having.

Don’t forget your ability to be perceptive. If I accidentally catch your eye, but then I look away and shift my body around so I’m facing away from you? That’s a good hint to stay away.

Don’t be creepy. There’s this one man in particular who I see every so often…he stares at me to the point that it gets disconcerting (but mostly just immensely annoying). I’m thinking about making a big sign I can hold up that says, “STOP STARING AT ME.”

Don’t wimp-out. My pet peeve is someone who will come and stand beside me without saying anything when I know they do want to say something. Either talk or walk away. I can understand being too shy to approach if you’re standing across the room, but if you get close enough for a conversation and then don’t say anything, that’s just lame.

What kind of “don’ts” would you add to this list? Do you have a favorite bar?

Related Reading:

Erika says every girl should have a great pick-up line that’s a “simple, non-cheesy icebreaker.” Her suggestion: “Hi. Having fun?” (See? Girls know how pick-up lines should be done.)

Lisa says the man who is now her husband approached her with the best pick-up line ever.

Lyn didn’t know how to react when she heard this pick-up line: “Excuse me, are you the daughter of fire? Because you make me hot!” (I can’t say that I blame her for not knowing what to say.)