I saw a post on Relationship Laboratory called What you should always do at the end of a first date. The advice — kiss the girl — was written by a male. He says that if a date goes well and you want to know where you stand, all of your “doubts and insecurities can be solved with one simple action.”
The reasons he gives are these:
1. You are able to clearly gauge where you stand with the girl. If you reach in to kiss, and she pulls away, you definitely know you are OUT of the ballgame. [...]
2. The girl EXPECTS you to kiss her. That’s right. Every sane girl who likes a guy wants that guy to be masculine, aggressive and show initiative but going in for the kiss. By not attempting to kiss her, you most likely are giving HER the wrong signals by making her feel that you are not really that interested in her.
As a female who’s been on a number of dates over the past few months, I have to disagree with this advice. I don’t consider myself unapproachable or uptight, but I haven’t kissed any of the guys I’ve gone out with on the first date.
I’m not saying I’m vehemently opposed to it. If someone I was having a really good time with decided to lean in and plant one on me, I wouldn’t immediately write him off for being so bold and uncouth. But truthfully, I prefer not to be kissed on the first date and so far none of the guys I’ve been out with have made the attempt.
Why do I feel this way? I’m sure it just goes back to that whole “If they really like me, they won’t just want to get in my pants” mentality. (And jeez, it’s not like the second date is going to be all that far off.)
What about you? Do you kiss on the first date?
46 Comments
Ahh good post – if I really like the guy and want to see where it goes – no kiss on the first date. If I just want some action, then yes I will go in for the kill – but that hasn’t occurred since match.com disaster date 1000 back this summer.
Second dates – kisses are very welcome
Really good post -
Hm. Well, I have kissed on a first date a few times, but only once second dates were already set up. And obviously only if I really liked the fellow. I don’t have any hard or fast rules for this and it makes it more exciting for me. And holy crap, I’m back in the dating pool and have to think about this stuff again. Thanks for the post!
As a guy I don’t kiss on the first date.
I think kissing on the first date is not the rule but the exception. There were many first dates I did not kiss on and a few I did…guess it boils down to that moment of the date, but definitely not something I would say is expected at the end of a date.
~K
I do sometimes, depending on whether I like the guy. It’s a good, quick way to test out your chemistry.
And if a guy attempts to kiss me and I’m not interested, I don’t really hold it against him (though groping on the first date is a big no-no).
Generally speaking, no. But there are always exceptions.
Also, there are different degrees of kissing.
I really wanted to check out the people’s comments on this one
Well, I’ve slept with people on the first date so I’m probably the wrong person to ask (especially since some of those weren’t even dates). But I think it’s normal to kiss someone on the first date if you think they are into you. 2 caveats though:
1) the kiss should be DURING the first date, not when you’re leaving. why get her worked up, then put her on the metro home? when you kiss at the end of the date it seems like you following the cliche date formula and checking off all the boxes (kiss at the door: check).
2) you should kiss her when she’s ready for it. if you don’t know whether she wants to be kissed or not, she probably doesn’t.
No. Sometimes I might want to kiss on the first date, but I still prefer to not. I think it’s a sign that a man is a gentleman and that he respects me if he holds out and doesn’t try to kiss me right away.
If I really liked the guy, I’d kiss on the first date. Sure. I’m not really a “rules” girl. Of course, it’s been, like, 9 years since I’ve been on a first date.
No I wouldn’t kiss on the first date…but I am happily married and that was many moons ago!
Kissing on the first date for me is nice, but not required. But if by the second date I haven’t kissed you, then I’m going to assume there’s no chemisty and not call you for a third.
Generally no kissing on the first date, unless you already know the person. In the case of internet date, definitely not. A hug, a kiss on the cheek maybe, but I haven’t decided if I want to continue seeing you until the 2nd date. (This is me, though.)
I’m with you, it just depends on who it is and how the date went and all.
If a girl doesn’t kiss on the first date, its ridiculous to think that that means she’s not interested in him. Maybe she just doesn’t want to rush into it all.
Dating rules are silly. They change from date to date, so all that these “rules” really end up doing is screwing with all of our heads:)
kissing is the best part of a (successful) first date! but then again, i had to make myself a rule that i wouldn’t sleep with guys on the first date because the kissing too often led to more. yes i’m a slut. well, not now that i’m in a monogamous relationship, now i’m a former slut.
Now that I’m married, my husband frowns upon me dating. (haha – sorry, lame joke.)
But, I think that a hug or maybe a quick kiss on the cheek is almost nicer. And it gives a little more anticipation and excitement for the next date – and kiss.
I think it’s difficult to make generalizations about this sort of stuff. I’ve kissed on first dates and even gone much further. I’ve met varying degrees of success with this. I think a lot of this just depends on the people involved and the circumstances. No kiss on a first date doesn’t necessarily= no chemistry. However, kissing on a first date can = chemistry. But chemistry in and of itself isn’t a litmus for the potential of a relationship. I’ve kissed plenty of guys who have then interpreted my willingness to do so to mean I’m a raging slut and incapable of a relationship. I have found that many guys are extremely judgemental of women who do certain things that they themselves also do. All goes to show that there are no absolutes when it comes to dating.
I’m with HP.
I don’t have a rule.
I’ve kissed on the first date. And I’ve not kissed on the first date.
It all depends on the guy and on how I’m feeling at the end of the date.
Great topic.
I went out with a friend a few weeks ago, and I wasn’t sure if it was a date or not.
Then, no kiss at the end.
I concluded: Not A Date.
Or at the very least, not a very good one.
The only reason to kiss on the first date, in my opinion, is if it’s one of those amazing evenings that you never want to end; if it’s one of those connections that you just know is something real; if the two of you can’t stop talking and the chemistry is just…there. Otherwise, save the kiss for one of those dates.
Well, back in the day I didn’t have a problem with kissing on the first date. Until I met my husband. And he REFUSED to kiss me for, like, 2 months. No joke. And I ended up marrying him. Hmmmm.
I don’t think I had a rule for that. I asked FreezeM and he can’t remember if we kissed on our first date. (That means I can’t remember either) What a pair we make.
Looking back I rarely kissed on the first date, unless it wasn’t a date at all, but more of a hey, we both had too much beer and now we’re dancing. Those sorts of evenings always featured kissing.
I definitely don’t feel pressured to do so, as if I owe him or something. It totally depends on the chemistry. Not ruling it out.
I should probably be saying all this in the past tense now that I’m engaged… note to self…
It depends on the date. If it’s a date with someone I know well and am already friends with, I’d be happy to have a kiss at the end of the first date (sort of a “yes, this really is a date” sort of sign).
But if it’s a blind date or someone I met online? Definitely no kiss on the first date. I want to wait until I get to know the guy to decide whether or not I’m truly interested. Kissing on the first date implies a sort of commitment I’m unwilling to make when I’ve first met someone.
An official “date”….Yup! If I was attracted to him. Speaking from past experience of course….been out of the dating pool for many years. I would probably obsess over the date if he didn’t try to kiss me or at least get close…hand holding or something!
Personally, I never really cared. I didn’t read a lot into it, even if I did get a kiss. On our first date, my husband gave me a kiss when he walked me to the door, and it was a perfect closure to a great night out. In fact, it had confirmed for both of us how we felt about each other (we met at college and had been friends for a semester when we first went out). He did try to get into my pants on the first two dates, and finally succeeded on the third. Once we got married, he admitted that he was very disappointed about the first two unsuccessful attempts, but he respected me even more for it. It never fails to stay within your comfort zone.
I had a guy peck me on the cheek. I think that is sweet. I like to keep it classy on a first date and keep them wanting more
Wow, I’m shocked at the number of responses saying they wouldn’t kiss on a first date! Among my group of friends, we would generally assume that if we went on a first date and the guy didn’t lean in for a kiss, then he isn’t interested. I like to see some indication of interest, and I don’t think a quick peck on the lips is a big deal.
I promise I’m not trying to sound like an ass, but I’m so glad I don’t have to do the dating thing anymore. Situations and questions like that drove me nuts.
Totally depends… sometimes yes, sometimes no. I have to feel a really strong connection to the person, and I’m not too shy to pull away. I won’t usually be the one to initiate it though for sure.
I don’t think I kissed on any of the first dates I had either (pre-Dominic days). Hugs, yes, no kissing. Not even with Dominic, we hugged. We hung out several times before we kissed. He was a gentelman in every sense of the word.
Yes, I kissed on the first date. Also married him. Although, if I wasn’t in to them and they planted a sloppy wet kiss, I was totally turned off. Kissing is an art.
If the date is going well, I usually go for the kiss during or towards the end. I’m very surprised to read that even if the date went well and you want to see that person again, so many women are saying they don’t. I think they’re lying!
I just went on my first date and we didn’t kiss, the guy didn’t seem interested in me but asked me on a second date, what’s going on?
I prefer on first date , IF chemistry is present to let the woman make her wishes known.. a tiny hand hold, a hug, honest words. IF she wants to kiss me, she will let it be known, and remember the THIRD kiss is the most important one . each time spent together builds chemistry and IF there…thats the one that tells you..” here we go” I can kiss or NOT…but it all depends on the woman’s comfort level and desires. And the kiss is soft and not so full bore first time , lingering but just a very close, thank you and hello.
Kissing the first date is not necessary. this is coming from a guy. If it feels right go for it, but there are some things that just make a first date kiss not necessary. But I do think a least a hug is required or you (The guy) will look like hes not interested at all.
Come on is this for real? A kiss on the first date is standard practice for two people who like each other. If you’re attracted to someone and the date went smoothly what’s so wrong with a quick kiss? It’s not like we’re talking about a first date BJ. In all honesty, if I went in for a kiss on the first date and she “liked me” but wanted to wait so she pulled away…she would have most likely blown her shot with me because I would NEVER call a girl again after that kind of needless rejection for something so minor and cute. My advice for women is don’t pull away if you like the guy and he goes in for a kiss on the 1st date.
Yes I would because it would romantic but not if it went bad
I’m going on a first date tonight and wanted to know what the standard practice for this is. (Yeah…it’s been a while). I guess personally I think the man would think of a woman as too forward and not long-term material if she went in for it. BUT…if he goes in for one and the girl plans on seeing him again…it’s okay for her to return it. Make out sessions should be saved for a later date though. But flat out rejecting a mans kiss (when everything went well) will most likely hurt his feelings and lower the chances of him calling you back. Which is understandable.
I didn’t go for the kiss on my first date with the woman I’m currently dating. She did kiss me on the cheek when I hugged her and said goodnight at her door. Did I blow it?
I usually don’t kiss on the first date, but I went on a first date yesterday, but I knew him beforehand a little, and he kissed me (made out). I’m still not sure if that was a good thing or not. We’ll see, I guess.
I don’t kiss on the first date that’s because I don’t want to send him a wrong signal that I want him to get in my pants or i’m only interested in him sexually. I would prefer my kiss with the guy I like to be sorta special and a surprise cuz that’s when tension builds up and the kiss would be out of this world. I recommend holding it back, it will be rewarding but if he is ready to kiss then don’t be cold and turn him down if you like him too. I’m dating a guy right now also and we just went on a second date yesterday, all we did were hugging. I definitely not gonna initiate, he’s gotta try a bit harder.
I think it’s silly if a Gal writes a guy off if he attempts to or does kiss her. Us guys, especially us decent men whom happen to wish to give a gal a kiss if the first date went well will want to kiss the gal in most cases, and, in some cases not. Either is noble, but, gals see attempting or not trying differently. Some gals will see a good date not followed by a kiss as either a sign of respect, or, the guy isn’t bold and willing to take the natural lead.
If a good date is followed by a guy attempting to kiss or actually doing it, a weak minded gal will see it as a guy just wants to get into her pants. If a gal responds that way, DUMP HER! she is too immature, and, looks at you as a bad person and a horn-dog. If the gal enjoys the act, and, responds with the fact she’d like to date again, she will be intelligent enough to know that a kiss is a sign of affection and admiration and the guy digs the gal, and, not think he wants to get into her pants. There is a difference between a first date kiss and making out and getting hot and bothered where both the guy and gal’s hormones start escalating and maybe he might want to get into her pants, and, the gal may want this too. People need to grow up and separate a first date kiss from a lustful encounter. Get a grip!
In regards to this comment:
“If they really like me, they won’t just want to get in my pants” mentality.
That’s the addition of 1 and 1 and receiving a sum of 100.
Kissing on the 1st date is not getting in someone’s pants. Also, it doesn’t mean that the guy (or woman) will expect to get in your pants on the 2nd date. Kissing is something that every successful happy couple does. So who’s to say when it has to happen?
There is nothing wrong about someone not wanting to kiss on the 1st date. If you don’t kiss on the 1st date, then it’s important to communicate that beforehand. Any guy (or woman) who isn’t a jerk, wouldn’t write off a woman (or man) who doesn’t kiss on the 1st date.
Good luck to you!
Wow, all the people who are against 1st date kisses. I guess if it were a blind date or internet date. But if you knew the guy/girl before hand and spent months going through with the flirting stages in person, then yes, kiss on the first date. You already went through the torture of trying to figure out if the guy/girl liked you during all the flirting. Why deal with that again after a 1st date? To me, a hug means “Nice to meet you but I’m not interested.” A kiss is more sincere and honest.