(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
Every so often in my blog reading, I’ll come across a post about the ending of a romantic relationship. If the post is especially good and/or thought provoking, I’ll save the link for later. I figured that at some point, since I do write about single life for BlogHer, a post about break-ups would fit right in.
The only thing is, it’s a little difficult to write about break-ups if you’re not currently going through one yourself. I mean, the topic can be a little depressing — why would you want to bring up those memories if you don’t have to? And if you’re like me, maybe you haven’t had enough break-ups to be able to talk about the subject only in general terms (indeed, maybe there have been so few break-ups in your life that the people close to you will know exactly who you’re talking about).
If I really wanted to, I could write a doozy of a break-up post. It has drama and unexpected plot twists (including a visit to a tattoo shop — something my protective friends had a hard time comprehending). And you know what? A lot of it has already been written. I wrote the post months ago.
I wrote the post with the intention of putting it up on my blog with password-only access so it wouldn’t be available for the entire world to see. But when I was finished, something unexpected happened: I found that the writing itself was cathartic. All those thoughts that had been churning around in my head were finally out in black and white, and I no longer felt the need to post the story for other people to read.
I’m not saying that I would never post it (with password protection intact, of course). It’s just that, if I posted it now, I’d have to deal with the comments and I’d have to respond to them. These events are in my past, I’ve moved on, and I don’t feel the need to re-live it.
When writing a break-up post, some people use the phrase “broken heart” to describe how they’re feeling. I never used that phrase myself. Maybe the feeling of having a broken heart will apply to me (God forbid) in the future, under different circumstances — but it didn’t apply in this case. My heart was, however, cracked. And once a heart has been cracked, nothing is quite the same after that: you’re more wary; you’re less likely to trust as easily.
Here’s the short version of my break-up post: I had good times, I had bad times. I loved, I lost, I learned. I’m a different person than I once was, but I’m happy with who I am.
Would the short version of your break-up post sound anything like that?
(P.S. Sassymonkey commented on this post at BlogHer, where she shared the wise words of author Margaret Atwood. When Margaret was challenged to write a 6-word story, she wrote: “Longed for him. Got him. Shit.”)
Related Reading:
Stefanie: Top 20 Superficial Reasons I’ve Broken Up With Someone and More Superficial Reasons for Breakups
Surfergrrl wrote about the first anniversary of the end of a five-year relationship — how hard it was to force herself not to contact him, and how difficult it was to go through holidays and birthdays as a newly single person.
Hey Pretty ended a relationship not long ago — she called the experience “undeniably sad…but also strangely exhilarating.” I know exactly what she means.
Shine: 10 Dating Red Flags
Yahoo Personals: Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig
11 Comments
I’m not friends with any of my exes. I think that pretty much says it all, lol!
My biggest regret when I wrote a break-up post is that I clicked “publish.” I should have stuck with just writing it, because the one thing to know about the Internet is that it can be a really small place and people (in particular one person) that you don’t want reading it often do….
I went through a breakup over the summer. I didn’t post about it, moreover, I took a week off from blogging because I knew I was feeling a little too raw to post about anything. I think it’s better to write a post, shelve it, and see if you feel the same way in two weeks.
love margaret atwood.
i honestly haven’t had a bad break up since i was in college 15 years ago and i don’t think it’s possible that it would ever happen again, so i guess i can’t relate.
this probably sounds smug but i feel like i’ve outgrown broken hearts — if one goes into a relationship knowing oneself well and knowing the other person well, what can happen to break (or crack) one’s heart?
The short version of my break up post would sound *exactly* like that!
Break-ups just really suck. And when I mentioned my recent one on my blog it was more to spread the word than anything. I was so tired of discussing the details in-depth with people. When it’s a bad relationship, you really don’t want to re-live it verbally over and over. And additionally, I felt like an idiot for staying with him so long. But anyways…
I wrote a post about a breakup too, and the effect it had on my body image and disordered eating. When I finished it I realized I didn’t need to post it. Maybe in the future, but it isn’t necessary right now. And yep, that’s the short form of mine, too!
I had the exact same experience. The best stuff I kept to use and build upon for a longer piece I’m doing rather than air out on my blog. But writing it somewhere somehow definitely helps!
Awe, thanks for the shout out! I think the notion of maybe having cracks in your heart vs having a broken heart is a good one. Broken almost means not fixable, and I think every heart is fixable. :) Cracks just mean that you have a tiny notch in your heart of experience. it won’t kill you, but it will make you stronger.
I figure that every break up just makes you know better what you want in the “final” one…so, they aren’t all bad…although I’m psyched not to have to deal with them anymore!
I’ve personally never had a terrible break up (knock on wood). Before hubby, none of my relationships were serious. However, in one case, a friend and I had been dating for a month when he got cancer. Three months later, he was dead. That’s sort of a break up. It shattered all of my hopes, and dreams, and plans. I fell into a state of confusion, depression, and loneliness. And I came out a better person in the end. That’s the short story. I loved, I lost, and then learned. Funny how life works out