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(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

I have a number of really good friends who are males. I’ve known some of them for years (even if I don’t see them very often in person anymore), I met a few of them over the internet (I’ve seen them in person once or twice, but most of our contact is via blogs and email), and there are several guys that I hang out with on a regular basis. I don’t want to date any of these men; I place a huge value on their friendship and my life is better because they’re a part of it.

In fact, sometimes I disclose things to my male friends that I don’t talk about with my girlfriends. It’s not because I think the women wouldn’t want to hear it; I just like going to the guys for advice because I enjoy getting a male perspective on things. And you know what? A vast majority of the time, I receive terrific advice. I can think of one example in particular where I asked a male friend how I should handle a situation with another guy — but I didn’t follow the advice he gave me, and I regretted it afterwards. (Arrgghhh…hindsight.)

(I also wrote about a situation recently where two of my guy friends rescued me from boredom on a Saturday night. It really made me realize how lucky I am to know people who will go out of their way like that.)

I have another example that came up not long ago. I had dated a guy for a few weeks back in November, but we’d stopped seeing each other before Thanksgiving. Several weeks passed and I was thinking about emailing him — you know, just to say hi and ask how he was doing — but before I did, I decided to consult a few of my guy friends and ask what they thought.

Both of them said the same thing: since we hadn’t split on bad terms, it wouldn’t hurt to send this guy an email. But, they said…he knows how to reach you. If he really wants to talk to you, he’ll make the effort to do so. One of my friends wrote this line, and it’s stuck with me ever since: “On the whole, I know this — you’re too good for people who can’t be bothered to call you back.”

Isn’t that fantastic? It was written by an internet-friend who’s married and has a family. We never hang out in person. But I count him as a friend, and I love that I can email him when I have a problem (or when I don’t have a problem, of course) and he’s always there with a response.

I started thinking about my guy friends after I read the post Liz wrote on BlogHer: I Don’t Get Girls’ Night. As much as she enjoys her regular monthly get-togethers with her female friends, Liz said she would prefer if males were included as well. Unsurprisingly, I’m in complete agreement. There are definitely situations where I hang out with my girlfriends without a male around, but in my mind there’s no reason to specifically shut them out.

One of the things Liz touched on was that some of the husbands/boyfriends of the ladies in her group might not feel comfortable if the group was mixed-sex, which is one of the reasons they keep it women-only. While it could be easy to say, “These people are just friends! It’s dumb for their partners to get jealous!” I understand that it’s a very real issue.

I’ve dated guys who knew I have male friends that I hang out with, and while they haven’t specifically said they don’t like it, I’ve gotten some questions. One of the most popular questions (after I assure them I’m not physically attracted to my guy friends and we don’t enjoy “benefits”) is, “But they think you’re hot, right?”

What does that mean? Like, even though I’ve said that I don’t think of them that way, if my guy friends think I’m hot there’s always the possibility I’ll act on it? I’m sure that’s what they’re trying to infer, but…no. There have been plenty of situations where I’ve gotten intoxicated with a guy friend, and there’s never been one single instance where I’ve felt the need to rip their clothes off (or even, to a lesser extent, make out with them).

My response to that question is, “Maybe they do [think I'm hot]. But if so, it’s never a big deal because we don’t go around talking about it and they never try to act on it.” (Actually, one of my guy friends will sometimes make appreciative remarks about certain features of my anatomy, and a guy I work with always points out when I’m dressed especially nice, but it’s all in good fun — I probably wouldn’t mention that to someone I’m dating, though.)

In the past, I did find myself hanging out with my guy friends less when I dated someone who felt threatened by it. But that was when I wasn’t holding my head up with confidence the way I should have. And you know what? When I stopped dating that person, who were the ones that immediately stepped back into my life? Yep, you got it.

That’s when I told myself that I’m not giving up my guy friends for anyone. We have fun together. They support me. They’re important to me. They don’t deserve to be ditched just because someone doesn’t trust me. I’m a loyal and trustworthy person, and that extends 100% to my dating life. My friends are my friends, and my guy is my guy. If he doesn’t realize that, he doesn’t know me.

Do your male friends impact your dating life at all?

Related Reading:

While it’s good to have male friends while you’re in a relationship, there are certain factors you have to keep in mind. Mrs. Dub does a good job of answering the question, “Is it kosher to have good friends of the opposite sex after you’re married?”

[W]hat does a friendship entail? The occasional email or phone call? Meeting up for lunch along with your spouse or the guy’s spouse? Because all of that is kosher in my opinion. The more alone time and more secrecy involved, the more likely you are putting your friendship and marriage in jeopardy, or at least ticking off someone’s spouse.

Amelia at The Frisky says, Let’s Hear It For The Boys!

[W]hen word started to get around that my relationship was stalled or over…so many of my friends offered their support. I expected as much from my female friends — you can always count on the ladies to help you numb the pain of a breakup with wine and a little smacktalk — but I didn’t expect my guy friends to be equally as empathetic.

As a lesbian, Zoe thought it was strange when a heterosexual friend mentioned that she thought her husband needed to have more “guy friends.” (Zoe said, “The funny thing is, he seems to not really care, or find it as important as she does, for him to have ‘guy friends’ to do stuff with.”) She wonders if gay couples look at friendships and relationships differently than straight couples do.

Melissa writes about the types of Guy Friends Every Girl Needs.

The Bachelor Guy talks about why it’s good for guys to have female friends.