(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
Someone told me once that a good place to meet single men is at grocery stores on a Monday night. Apparently men don’t like to take time out of their weekend schedules to buy food, and the crowds tend to be smaller early in the week as well. The next time I went grocery shopping on a Monday night I paid attention, and, well, this person was right. There were solo men everywhere, checking out the produce and pushing their metal carts around. But…(there’s always a “but”).
The problem is, just how easy is it to strike up a conversation with someone while grocery shopping? The answer: not easy. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen (a friend of mine met her now-husband at Wal-Mart), but I think it’s pretty rare to meet someone in this type of situation as opposed to other places. Just because men happen to congregate at a specific location doesn’t mean it’s easy to talk to them.
Certain situations are more conducive to random conversations than others, and grocery shopping isn’t one of them. Being approached while looking at cereal or choosing between different types of frozen vegetables just seems more…obvious. People generally don’t linger in grocery stores, so when their progress is halted, even temporarily, the act tends to stand out.
Another place where it’s possible to see people but generally you don’t talk to them? Public transportation. I ride the DC Metro pretty regularly, and the riders tend to be a pretty quiet bunch. It’s rare for a stranger to randomly start talking to you. It’s not that I never see any hotties standing just a few short feet away — we just don’t speak (plus, other people standing around would totally be eavesdropping on our conversation).
This may seem obvious, but one of the biggest hurdles I’ve had to overcome (and one that I’m still working on) is going out and doing new things even though I feel tired or unmotivated. Here’s a good example: even though I live right outside of Washington, DC and go there five days a week for work, I rarely hang out in the city after work unless I’m going somewhere directly from work, like a happy hour. It’s pretty rare for me to go home and then come back a few hours later.
Since there are several places in my immediate neighborhood where I enjoy hanging out, it’s a lot easier (and faster) for me to get home afterward. But if I go out in DC, I have to wait for the Metro, which (depending on the time of night) has sometimes taken up to 20 minutes for the train to arrive. Then, since I live a mile from my closest Metro station, I either have to walk that mile home or pay to take a cab (which I hardly ever do, but it’s an option).
Now, I’m not complaining. I made the choice to live in Alexandria rather than DC, and there are pros and cons to both locations. It’s just that, taking all these factors into consideration (especially this past Friday night when we were experiencing some of the coldest temperatures we’ve had so far this winter), I was feeling very unmotivated to leave my nice, warm, cozy apartment. But then I thought back to the previous weekend, where I was having the same doubts and ended up going out anyway — and I had a great time. I was thisclose on Friday to canceling my plans and foregoing the trek to Georgetown, but I decided against it. And once again, I had a great time and was glad I went.
Although most people I’ve talked to say they would prefer to meet someone in real-life (as opposed to online dating), for a lot of us it’s harder to go about it that way. Unless you’re going out and doing things in public on a regular basis, or your line of work puts you in contact with a wide variety of people, you’re just not going to have as many options.
People say that you should do what you love and you’ll have a higher likelihood of meeting someone with similar interests. I agree with that, and it’s also a good way to challenge yourself to check out new things — like a new sport, or learning a new skill, or something cultural like visiting a museum, or an art gallery, or attending a show.
What kind of offline ways have you found are good to meet people?
Related Reading:
DC Damsel contemplates “mating” via the Metro. Her question: “[I]s public transportation an appropriate venue for flirtation, and if so, how much can you accomplish in the time it takes to get to and from work?”
Ms. Single Mama did a video post, answering the question “Where Can I Meet Quality Men?”
French Kissed says she has yet to “meet a man that meets everything on my ‘must have’ list…The question I am asking myself is, ‘Is choosing one guy that may not have all the qualities you dreamed of the same as settling?’ And if so, is it really such a bad thing?”
MSNBC: 31 ways to meet a quality man
MSNBC: Want to get a date? Just volunteer. (New research suggests that women find altruism sexy.)
15 Comments
I went to the grocery store last week on a Wednesday night (by myself – which is a rarity) and there were men EVERYWHERE. Crazy, crazy.
Recently I’ve also been joining a lot of Facebook groups – representing my interests. So it’s not really online dating, more like online mingling. It has been a nice way to set up casual coffee dates and make new friends.
just dont date the ones that work there like I did i.e. satan
I really believe in the whole do what you love/what interests you and you will find people (men & women) you want to be around. My boyfriend and I met five years ago at a political meeting and became great friends, and finally, two and a half months ago, we became an item. I love that he and I share a passion for politics and that we can go to all the meetings/events together. :)
I like talking to the guys I sit next to in classes. It’s fun to randomly strike up conversation right before the class starts. Also just meeting guys through friends and friends of friends is good too (that way you can get some background details on them as well so you know they aren’t creepy!).
As a guy…
I find women that travel solo extremely sexy and intriguing! You know how people have deal breakers… well that is a deal maker.
Oh, and I’ve also had some awkward grocery store encounters – only after thinking about it did i realize that it was probably an attempt to “talk”.
btw, I dig DC Damsel’s writing! Great choice.
I’m kinda bummed you didn’t strike up any convos with the grocery store men! I mean, that has the opportunity for some seriously funny one-liners. Although that kind of chutzpah usually requires the presence of a good girlfriend so you can both laugh about it if it goes horribly awry;) As for meeting men? I’m sure I don’t have ideas you haven’t heard. Gym, church, book clubs, volunteer groups, school…
I had a guy stop me in the grocery store and ask me about what kind of sauce to use on pizza. As I was about to turn around and bat my eyelids while saying “Ragu, of course!” in a very sexy way, I noticed he was with his boyfriend. DOH! lol :)
Great post, as always!
I met my man in college. He sat behind me for a whole semester and never got an opportunity to talk to me (I usually rushed out after class to get to work). He spotted me in another class the following semester and used it as an opportunity to start a conversation. I don’t usually talk to people on the train but I remember one day during the summer when gas prices reached their peak and the train was packed, a good-looking guy started a conversation with me after I declined an offer to take a seat.
:)
at the bike shop…..
judi
I used to live a few blocks from this grocery store that is known to locals as the “Dateway”. I wasn’t single when I was living there, but it was pretty funny watching all the interactions between customers.
Depending on the characteristics of the guy you’re looking for, maybe try the gym, check out smaller local bands at coffeehouses, or singles nights at museums/sports events? Or go do “research” in the library at your local grad school; the age range varies widely and there might even be some cute younger post-docs around.
In my old city there was a supermarket that supposedly if you walked around with your bananas facing a certain way it meant you were looking. I used to stop in there a wee bit and I never met anyone. Though usually it was on the way home from the gym and I was probably sweaty…. oh well!
I can’t say I’ve found the “magic answer”. I’m always amused about the grocery store one. I’ve seen some cuties and had some talk to me as well, but I rarely get done up to impress for the grocery store, so don’t feel like that one is ever going to be the answer for me. I know the best way is really through friends, but when your girlfriends don’t have a lot of good guy friends to introduce into the mix, that’s sort of a dead end. *Sigh* Le sucks.
B and I were drunk on barstools at Fado.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you you can’t meet a nice man in a bar…
I’d like to meet a great girl, but I’m convinced it ain’t happening on the Metro. No one on Metro likes talking to each other. I’ve always felt meeting people at grocery stores sounded corny. I guess it would depend on what I was buying that night. But I just left the gym 10 minutes ago 9/10 of the time I’m there anyway.
Work? Almost everyone there is married and 15-20 years older. But that might not be a bad thing, as if things fall apart………but it does make it a lot harder to make initial social connections when co-workers really aren’t an option for that.
I’ll need to expand my horizons beyond run, gym, run, football Sundays, that may work.
Oops – forgot – I just wanted to give the other POV from the other side. We have many of the same concerns. :)