(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
I was asked to answer this question: If you could picture yourself in a relationship 10 years from now, what do you hope it looks like?
I’m a few months shy of my 29th birthday, so in ten years I’ll be approaching 40. It seems kind of crazy to think so far ahead, wondering what my life will be like and what kind of relationship I’d like to have, but I know it’s not really all that long in the grand scheme of things.
When I start this train of thought, thinking about what my future might be like, I first think about of the things I’ve done in the past ten years — all the places I’ve been, and people I’ve met, and words I’ve written, and emotions I’ve experienced, and especially how I’ve grown and matured as a person. When I think about my past, I feel a sense of anticipation for all the things that the future is sure to hold. I hope that when I’m in my late 30s, I’ll look back at Zan in her late 20s and be just as content with the choices I made in that ten-year span as I am right now, with the things I’ve done thus far.
When it comes to picturing myself in a relationship ten years from now, the first thing that comes to mind is a question: Will I be in a relationship? But this is an example of my rational side that perpetually claws its way through — because, sure, we all know there are no guarantees about anything. I know that I hope I won’t be in a relationship if it’s not making me happy. As I’ve said, I have no problem with reclaiming the word “spinster.”
But let’s say that I get to choose my ideal “best possible relationship scenario.” In that case, the word that immediately comes to mind is adored. I want to adore my partner, and I want him to feel the same way about me. I hope that when I reach my late 30s, we’ve already done all sorts of traveling, both domestic and abroad, and maybe even lived overseas for a while, and laughed a lot, and respected the other’s viewpoint even when we’ve disagreed. I hope, having known this person for years, that I’ll still desire to put my hands all over him at every opportunity.
When I reach my late 30s, I expect that I’ll have a child. I’ve had a feeling for quite a few years that I’ll have a child one day, but it won’t happen until I’m in my mid-30s. Thirty-five seems like a good age. I could be completely wrong about that, but whenever I think about it, it just seems right. Some women want to be a mother early, other women not at all — others, like me, just want to wait a while.
Over the past few years, I’ve written posts about my dating and relationship preferences: what I look for in a partner, how what I originally thought I was looking for has adapted, and my thoughts about the single life in general. It’ll be interesting, if I decide to look back at this post in ten years, to see what things have changed.
Here are some of the topics I’ve written about recently:
What does it take for two people to want to be exclusive at the same time?
Choosing to elope instead of having a huge wedding.
Looking back at dating experiences in 2008.
I refuse to ever go back to being in a position where I feel like my confidence is being stomped on.
My version of writing about a past break-up.
It’s important to take time to evaluate your life on a periodic basis.
Susan Mernit at BlogHer wrote about dreaming about her relationship ten years from now.
Her Bad Mother: 10 Things To Do Before You Become A Parent
Huffington Post: 5 Easy Ways To Serve Your Relationship