My Relationship, Ten Years in the Future

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

I was asked to answer this question: If you could picture yourself in a relationship 10 years from now, what do you hope it looks like?

I’m a few months shy of my 29th birthday, so in ten years I’ll be approaching 40. It seems kind of crazy to think so far ahead, wondering what my life will be like and what kind of relationship I’d like to have, but I know it’s not really all that long in the grand scheme of things.

When I start this train of thought, thinking about what my future might be like, I first think about of the things I’ve done in the past ten years — all the places I’ve been, and people I’ve met, and words I’ve written, and emotions I’ve experienced, and especially how I’ve grown and matured as a person. When I think about my past, I feel a sense of anticipation for all the things that the future is sure to hold. I hope that when I’m in my late 30s, I’ll look back at Zan in her late 20s and be just as content with the choices I made in that ten-year span as I am right now, with the things I’ve done thus far.

When it comes to picturing myself in a relationship ten years from now, the first thing that comes to mind is a question: Will I be in a relationship? But this is an example of my rational side that perpetually claws its way through — because, sure, we all know there are no guarantees about anything. I know that I hope I won’t be in a relationship if it’s not making me happy. As I’ve said, I have no problem with reclaiming the word “spinster.”

But let’s say that I get to choose my ideal “best possible relationship scenario.” In that case, the word that immediately comes to mind is adored. I want to adore my partner, and I want him to feel the same way about me. I hope that when I reach my late 30s, we’ve already done all sorts of traveling, both domestic and abroad, and maybe even lived overseas for a while, and laughed a lot, and respected the other’s viewpoint even when we’ve disagreed. I hope, having known this person for years, that I’ll still desire to put my hands all over him at every opportunity.

When I reach my late 30s, I expect that I’ll have a child. I’ve had a feeling for quite a few years that I’ll have a child one day, but it won’t happen until I’m in my mid-30s. Thirty-five seems like a good age. I could be completely wrong about that, but whenever I think about it, it just seems right. Some women want to be a mother early, other women not at all — others, like me, just want to wait a while.

Over the past few years, I’ve written posts about my dating and relationship preferences: what I look for in a partner, how what I originally thought I was looking for has adapted, and my thoughts about the single life in general. It’ll be interesting, if I decide to look back at this post in ten years, to see what things have changed.

Here are some of the topics I’ve written about recently:

What does it take for two people to want to be exclusive at the same time?

Relationship Habits: Do You Repeat the Same Mistakes?

Choosing to elope instead of having a huge wedding.

What Do You Look For in a Partner? (Hint: It May Change.)

Looking back at dating experiences in 2008.

Do Your Male Friends Impact Your Dating Life?

I refuse to ever go back to being in a position where I feel like my confidence is being stomped on.

My version of writing about a past break-up.

After National Singles Week, My Thoughts About Being Single

It’s important to take time to evaluate your life on a periodic basis.

You’re a Single Female? You Can’t Possibly Be Happy.

I Would Rather Be Single Than…

Related Reading:

Susan Mernit at BlogHer wrote about dreaming about her relationship ten years from now.

Her Bad Mother: 10 Things To Do Before You Become A Parent

CNN: Four reasons why online dating is recession proof

Huffington Post: 5 Easy Ways To Serve Your Relationship


  1. Interesting! It sounds like you’re a girl who know what she wants. Hopefully you’ll still be blogging in 10 years so the rest of us can find out what happened! I predict you’ll be just where you want to be!

    Posted March 23, 2009 at 7:16 am #
  2. The word “adore” (and the passive form) is so rare to be thought by most of us when talking about a relationship, I guess; yet that word is (now I just realized) wanted and needed and simply ‘correct’.

    Thank you for the ‘reminder’ :)

    Posted March 23, 2009 at 7:16 am #
  3. I am 41 (going to be 42 in May) and my life is not near what I imagined in my 20′s. I still have so much I would love to accomplish but I think having goals and keeping a vision of your life in the future is a great tool. Keep on track Zan and you just might reach your perfect relationship before you know it.


    Posted March 23, 2009 at 9:00 am #
  4. Its funny, 10 years ago when I was 25, my life isn’t what I expected it to be. I figured I would be married with a few kids at 35. Yeah not so much haha. I think you will be good to go – you are a positive person who is defintely on the right track!!!!

    Posted March 23, 2009 at 9:10 am #
  5. We are the same age so this is very interesting to me to think about, too. I guess at this point, I’ve learned I can’t make any plans – and I’m such a planner! I guess I’ve learned to let go and let things happen….incredibly difficult to do, but very fulfilling.

    I’d like to think the next ten years are going to be the best. I’m excited for 30! :-)

    Posted March 23, 2009 at 12:54 pm #
  6. That’s one of the reasons I’m so glad I started when I did… it is going to be SO COOL 2, 5, 10 years from now and have a record of the whole journey. Honestly, that’s the main reason I write at all. :-)

    Posted March 23, 2009 at 4:02 pm #
  7. You know, I thought I would be married with child by now, but I’m not sweating it. I would like to say that I see it happening before I’m 41 (10 years from now), but if it doesn’t happen, it’s okay.

    I’m happy just living my life and enjoying doing what I do. Finding “someone” is easy, but I want to make sure I find “the right someone”.

    Posted March 24, 2009 at 9:46 am #
  8. Well I’m almost exactly 10 years older than you. Here is what changed for me. Although I never wanted kids, I did have expectations of my future when I was 29. Now, i don’t look so far ahead. Plus, thinking 10 years ahead would put me at almost 50! Holy Crap!!! I’ve scaled my “future goals” to almost not go past a year. Actually, I’ve gotten pretty good with just enjoying what’s going on right now. My mail goal is to live a happy and fulfilling life…whatever comes as a result of that, well, that’s great too!

    Posted March 24, 2009 at 10:49 am #