(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
Some people live their entire lives in the town, or at least the state, where they were born. Other people choose to leave as quickly as possible. Some people move to a particular place because of a job opportunity, or because their spouse has to move. Sometimes it works out, other times the location is something we put up with only because we have to. But what if the choice to move is completely up to you? What factors are most important in that decision?
If I chose to leave where I am right now, my easiest and most obvious option would be to move back to Richmond, Virginia. I lived there for eight years, ‘97-’05, and most of my immediate family is there (my mom, two sisters, two brothers, nephew, and my stepfather and soon-to-be brother-in-law). After I graduated from college in the summer of ‘05, I spent a year in southern California, moved back to Richmond for a few months in the summer of ‘06, and then decided to move to Alexandria, Virginia, which is where I’ve been for almost three years.
When I moved to Alexandria (located a few miles outside of Washington, DC and about 100 miles north of Richmond) in the fall of ‘06, nobody tried to stop me. Even though I know my family would prefer for me to be closer, they’ve never pressured me to stay in the area just because they want me to. That’s something I’ve always appreciated — they let me make my own decisions.
(Also, compared to living in California — I only flew back to Virginia twice in the year I lived there — I guess being 100 miles away doesn’t seem nearly as bad. Thousands of miles, a five-hour flight, and a three-hour time difference is much more daunting.)
Since I live relatively close to my family distance-wise, why do I still think about moving back to the city where they’re located? Usually the thought enters my mind when I go there on a visit and have a really good time. (Not surprising.) My older sister lives in a fun downtown area; my little sister is planning a wedding; my brothers make me laugh. It can be really great.
The only thing is…there are also the not-so-good times, like the inevitable family drama. It’s never all that bad or all that often, but there have been a few instances I can think of where I was really glad I live where I do. I was far enough away that I didn’t feel like I was expected to intervene, or help “fix” things.
If I put aside thoughts of family and think about a move in terms of a “Would this be good for me?” standpoint, I can identify pros and cons there, too. In my case, the biggest factors are job opportunities and cost of living. And when I think in those terms, the metropolitan DC area wins in the first category while Richmond takes the second.
The reason I moved to Alexandria in the first place was because I couldn’t find a job I wanted in Richmond. I’m not saying it’s impossible — and if I looked harder I might be able to find something I loved — but in general, the number and variety of jobs offered in DC are much better.
(I guess I would say, ideally, that if I had a job where I could work from home, it wouldn’t matter where I was. In that case, I could live wherever I wanted — or even live in multiple locations. I’ve yet to find something that offers the benefits I can get by going to a physical workplace, though, and right now those benefits still seem pretty important.)
But cost of living? Richmond wins. If I made the same salary there as I do now, I could afford to buy my own place. Where I’m living now, that isn’t possible unless I want to move to an area of town I really don’t want to be in. And that certainly wouldn’t make me happy.
I do like where I currently live, and I certainly don’t feel like I’m settling by staying here. I guess I just wonder how my life would be different if I moved back to where I used to live. Would I like it better? Or would I end up wishing I’d stayed where I am? It’s impossible to say. I’m sure I’d have good times and bad times, just like I do here. Just like I would anywhere.
I don’t know what I’m going to do, but it’s on my mind.
Related Reading:
Purest Green is a Canadian who lives in Scotland. She writes about what it means to call a place home.
This is what I have learned: Home is the place that makes your heart lurch like the squeaky stair that betrays your presence to a silent household. That’s home. But it doesn’t have to be just one place. It can be two or even more. And it can be a person, someone with whom the world seems to be set to right. Someone with whom you would face any foe.
Elleda spent “22 desolate years being sun-beaten in Los Angeles” before she decided to move to Oregon.
When I finally got my shit together, as it were, and decided to move to Astoria, Oregon, my friends in L.A. were appalled. One of my best friends, Harry, finally called me on it, and demanded to know why the hell would I even think about leaving L.A. The answer that fell out of my mouth, unbidden and unexpected, was, “I don’t want to die here.” And that was the bottom line. I just didn’t know I had drawn it until that moment.
Jane Valencia moved back to a house that she’d vacated for eleven years.
9 Comments
I’m frequently torn about where I should live. For me, the boyfriend also factors in the decision. At times, I really wish I could be closer to my parents (and my dog!). I also miss Oregon and love visiting there.
I also like Minnesota just fine. I enjoy the seasons, and it’s a nice place. There’s stuff to do here, and I enjoy being close to my boyfriend.
But there’s definitely a part of me that yearns for something more. I’ve always been somewhat of a wanderer, and I’m hesitant to give up that lifestyle. The only way I seem to be making it work now is to move new places for short-term jobs. Ideally, I’d have a job that would let me save up money and take enough time off to trek around new places.
For me, I think home is where I am. As long as I can get settled in somewhere, I’m happy to stay for a little while. But I have no idea what combination of factors it will take for me to settle down and pledge allegiance to one geographic place.
PS the big issue with living all over the place? I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had to say “I wish I could be there, but . . .” This summer, I’m missing two weddings and some church things. People even called me personally to ask. That part is pretty gut wrenching.
I’m going with the cliche Home is where the heart is… Though I really would like to have to experience to live in another country.
I consider Takoma Park/the DC area to be my “Home” now. As much as I love Connecticut, I’d never go back there to live. Perhaps it’s because I grew up there, but Connecticut feels way too “small town” for me now. I could see myself maybe living in a small town someday, but if I do it would be some place less expensive and with more open space than the nutmeg state. If I’m going to put up with the downsides of living in a small town, I’d want more of the typical small town benefits.
I’m one of those people who has always lived in the same city (with the exception of college, only 1.5 hours away) – so boring! But my family is a huge factor in my decision to stay where I am.
I don’t live in the biggest, warmest, most exciting place, but home (to me) is where my family is. For some people it’s where their friends are, for others it’s where their job is, but I think it’s different for everyone.
The GOOD thing is that we both have the freedom to move wherever/whenever we want!
Heh, the same thing is on my mind lately. I’m pretty sure that within a couple years I’m going to buy a condo in Barcelona. The only reason that I’d live in my current city is because I grew up here… so I want to take advantage of the lack of things tying me here to go out into the world!
Good post! I always wondered how people I know could stay in the same suburban Detroit hometown I grew up in. It’s so….generic. But it’s right for them and they like it. They couldn’t imagine doing what I’m doing. And I think definitions of home change per circumstance. The first time I lived in LA, I hated it. I only lasted six months before moving back to Seattle which felt like, “home” to me. But when my job was relocated six years ago, and my boyfriend at the time and many close friends were moving to LA, I decided to give it another try. This time I chose to live closer to the beaches. When I almost moved back to Seattle with the ex, it didn’t quite feel right to me anymore. Now I love LA and couldn’t imagine leaving here. Things just change I guess.
The grass is always greener. I totally agree with you on the work-from-home thing. Would that be fab? The fact that some people are making a good living like this gives me hope. We don’t have to be confined to one city. Let’s explore!
It would be totally fun to have my friend back so close to me if you were in Richmond! It’s also natural to think about living in other places. I have thought about many different places over the past few years but always seem to feel like Richmond is home when I get back. Ultimely you need people close to you that like the same things you do…that you really enjoy spending time with…that’s home…