Comments on: Coping With Conflict: How Do You Handle It?

By: classic jen

classic jen — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 13:54:49 +0000

I’ve often said that I don’t have a “flight or fight” instinct — my “flight” is broken and I only have “fight.” Surprisingly, that doesn’t result in as much conflict as you’d think it would. I’m pretty good at resolving or avoiding conflict before it gets to that point.

But this story isn’t about conflict. J said exactly what you had both agreed to be the truth = no conflict. Nonetheless you felt hurt. I don’t mean this in a rude way, but that’s not conflict that’s drama, pure and simple. When you clash with others, that’s conflict. When your feelings are conflicting with reality — that’s drama.

I know you’ve said you don’t do drama, but it’s pretty much inevitable in this situation you have put yourself in. Personally I wouldn’t do it. If it hurts me to hear a “friend” saying we are just friends, I’m realizing that this is a person I can’t be just friends with. I’ve seen how these things go and it’s never worth it. The BEST case scenario is ongoing drama, and I don’t do drama. For reals yo.

By: Nadine

Nadine — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:48:07 +0000

That can happen Zan. I’m sorry you felt that way! Hugs!

By: FatFighterTV

FatFighterTV — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:38:33 +0000

Sometimes, I just want to resolve things right away because it makes me feel better to know it’s done and resolved. But other times… when things get too heated… I know it’s better to just let it go for a bit first – but it’s hard for me to do that!

By: Julie @ Wearing Mascara

Julie @ Wearing Mascara — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 04:43:20 +0000

I think conflict is such a natural reation. My first instinct is to react and CHARGE full force to resolve it. I hate letting things go – even if they need to be. I’m working on this and know it will always be a struggle for me.

By: Alison

Alison — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:54:54 +0000

Yeah, this is a tough one – I think how someone handles it shows how well she/he’s in tune with hers/hiself. (frickin’ pronouns – feel free to edit my grammar..)
This took me a long time to figure out because I take EVERYTHING personally. But I sit on it, go through the emotions that are rational or irrational, and then once that’s over I talk it out until I can figure out the heart of it and then let it go or approach the issue directly.
I don’t think your flight mechanism is destructive by any means. At least you know what you’re doing. And I hope you and J-dude work it out!

By: Jackie

Jackie — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:08:39 +0000

I am very good at the silent treatment and will talk when I have calmed down. Hashing it out in the middle of something upsetting or angering is not my way of dealing with stuff. I definitely like to have time to think things through because I tend to overreact about things.

By: sparklytosingle

sparklytosingle — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:15:40 +0000

I don’t like conflict if it involves raised voices, cheap shots, insults and the like. But that’s not my initial style of managing disagreements, so I don’t really shy away from conflict as long as both parties handle it like civil adults.

If something is bothering me, I try to bring it up in a quiet, non-confrontational manner and hopefully it can all be hashed out without having a fight. That doesn’t bother me or stress me out particularly. But if one of these conversations morphs into a fight where emotions get heated and voices get raised, I often get the urge to leave, and sometimes I do just that and come back to the conversation when I’ve calmed down.

By: Sagan

Sagan — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:31:52 +0000

I’m pretty calm in general but can get really passive-aggressive. Something I’m working on!

By: Surfergrrl

Surfergrrl — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:54:26 +0000

I’m probably a lot like you. I walk away and process things, but I also get very quiet about it and since I have no poker face, people wonder what is wrong with me. Then I usually work it out in a calm matter. There are some times I wish I could just say what I wanted to say in the moment, but I don’t want to live with regrets that I might hurt someone. I don’t know. Who is to say which is better.

By: Holly

Holly — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:51:42 +0000

Growing up, my sisters and I always dealt with conflict the same way: we would sulk up to our bedrooms, hang out and let time pass, then act like nothing happened. Oh, and we bottled the incident down, so that it was sure to come up at a later point. Healthy, huh?

Thankfully we’ve since learned this is not the best way to handle things. While I dread confrontation like the plague, I’ve realized that if I “stuff it down” and ignore it, it will only get worse.

It really also depends on how close I am with the person. If it’s a co-worker, I probably won’t confront them about something minor. But I do with close family and friends. I just try to do it without sulking now. :-)