(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
was out with two girlfriends on Saturday night, and before I knew it the conversation had turned — well, “deep” is a good word. See, one of the girls is my roommate, and she just found out she’s been approved to do a volunteer vacation (she’s flying out to the Grand Canyon next month to spend a week repairing some trails). Jen was telling us how she’s wanted to do something like this for a long time, but kept putting it off. She recently decided she couldn’t put it off any longer, that now is the time. Before I knew it, that phrase had become the theme of our conversation: Do it now.
I haven’t always subscribed to the “do it now” mentality. When I was in my early 20s, for instance, I wouldn’t pursue any kind of dating relationship. I was moving around; I knew I wasn’t going to be in one location for a long period of time. I didn’t want to meet someone who might potentially hold me back. I don’t necessarily regret doing it that way, because I know that everything I’ve done in my life has made me into the person I am today, but I know that’s not how I want to live my life going forward.
Sometimes I see other people living this way, though, and that bothers me. For instance, I know this guy who I’m pretty sure is putting off being in a relationship because he’s planning to go overseas to work for six months. But there’s a good chance his departure won’t be for at least another six months, maybe even a year. Which makes me wonder, what are you potentially missing out on if you’re holding yourself back from getting close to someone?
Another thing is, I’ve been dating this guy, D-. We’ve been out at least six times over the past few months. He’s successful in his career, and he’s athletic, and nice, and respectful, and all that. But there’s one glaring thing that bothers me about him: he doesn’t ask me questions about myself. Pretty much everything he knows about me is information I’ve volunteered. I don’t have a bad time when I go out with him, so there’s no reason not to keep seeing him. I keep thinking that if I go out with him just one more time, maybe he’ll suddenly realize he wants to know more about me — but in reality, he’s had multiple chances to do that and hasn’t taken advantage of it. So now I’m asking myself, why am I going out with this person if he doesn’t add anything to my life?
Really, the premise behind “do it now” could answer all of these scenarios…
To my roommate: don’t put off doing this volunteer vacation. I know you made this decision when you’d broken up with your boyfriend, and now that you two are back together, I hope it doesn’t have an effect on your decision to go away for a week. Do it now.
To my going-overseas friend: What if the person you’re supposed to be with is here — right now? You can’t put off living your life because you’re afraid of what might happen when you’re away for a few months. Do it now.
To myself: On Saturday night, my friend Mary asked me what it is that I like about this guy, D-. When she’s asked me this question in the past about other guys, I’ve been able to rattle off a list of reasons why I thought that particular person was great. But that night, I paused. I stuttered something about him being a nice guy, and…and…yeah. That should be my answer: it’s time to find someone who makes me excited to be with them. Do it now, Zan.
You can’t always do everything you want to do right now. But I bet if you think about it, there’s something you’ve been putting off doing, or maybe something you’ve been keeping in your life that shouldn’t be there. What is it?
Related Reading:
According to Christine Hassler, sometimes happiness is about letting go — removing things from your life that aren’t working for you.
To truly fly, a woman must risk giving up all her preconceived notions about who she “should” be and what life is “supposed” to be like. She has to be willing to give up the job, relationship or any other circumstance or expectation that is distracting her from living an authentic life. What is so tricky is that often things can look really fantastic from the outside which makes them challenging to transition out of.
Gretchen Rubin: The Secret To Happiness: Don’t Care!
Sophie Keller: 5 Ways To Live Your Life Without Regrets
8 Comments
I live a very do-it-now kind of life. I’m not nearly as scared to “just do it” as I am of living with teh “what if.”
The guy who doesn’t ask questions bothers me. I dated a guy who was the same way and he kept saying it was because he figured I would volunteer the important stuff. In the end I finally realized he was the most self-centered person I ever met. You definitely deserve someone who is sincerely interested in learning about you.
definitely ditch the guy — life is too short for guys who want you just because you like them. blegh.
I very much love the ‘do it now’ conversation. I have it with myself all the time and although I can’t claim 100% success, I can say that in some cases, I’ve not gotten in my own way. And that was very much worth it. You are right; do it now.
Hi Zandria- I saw the nice mention of my blog, The Happiness Project, here. I very much appreciate you shining a spotlight on my blog. Thanks and best wishes, Gretchen
Sounds like you’re just passing time with him (not a bad thing) and you’re getting clearer about what you want and don’t want. Good for you!
Such a good reminder! Needs to be said every now and then.
And I’m with the others: ditch the guy!
I’m currently trying to remember this type of motto to “do it now,” as opportunities arise. I tend to hold out due to fear and anxiety and too high expectations. I am constantly reminding myself that nothing in life is a guarantee and that we all have to take some risks.
I agree with everyone else about the guy. You deserve more than just a “nice guy.”