(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
I’ve always thought that if I’m interested in a guy, he should at least be my height, if not taller. It’s just…easier, you know? People don’t think twice when they see a shorter woman with a taller man, but when it’s the other way around it tends to create chatter. I would say that most women I’ve ever heard from about this subject have said they have this preference, too.
Some people would ask, well, what about guys who are a little shorter than usual? Is it unfair for someone like me, being 5’9″, to eliminate a guy from romantic consideration if he’s, say, 5’6″? What’s my hang-up?
On an online dating site, if you do a search for people and attempt to narrow the number of results (in addition to searching for something obvious like geographic proximity), one of the many filters you can use to eliminate people from your search results is minimum height. I haven’t used this search feature for a number of months, but I remember what I originally set as the minimum height — 5’10″, which is an inch taller than me.
I have a hypothesis, though. A guy would probably say it’s unfair for a taller woman not to give him a chance (if a height difference is the only thing holding them apart from mutual attraction), but I think there are many guys who specifically look for shorter women. This doesn’t hold true all the time, for sure — there are always exceptions to any rule — but, well, here’s the thing. I’m basing this assumption on personal experience. I’ve dated a few guys who weren’t substantially taller than me and the subject of height has always come up, usually sooner rather than later.
Sometimes it’ll be a comment, like the guy will say, “I’ve never dated a woman as tall as you before.” Or when we’re standing face-to-face, they’ll straighten up as tall as they can, just to make sure the top of their head is above mine. (To the other tall ladies out there, have you noticed that when someone does this and you’re wearing shoes, they automatically look down to see how much height your shoes are adding?)
And, really, come on — it’s not like I’m an Amazon. What must it be like for women who are 6′ or taller?
(And yes, certainly, sometimes there are positive comments as well. Like the tall guys who say it’s nice not to have to bend down so far when they come in for a kiss.)
I’ve thought about what it might be like to go out with a guy who’s shorter than me. I know there would be absolutely no difference in the person — it would all come down to how comfortable I felt about having him be the one to tip his head back when it came time for a kiss. I’m not sure how I’d feel about that. And on the flip side, I think there are a lot of guys who wouldn’t know how they feel about that, either.
I don’t know what made me start thinking about this recently. Maybe because I’ve now gone out with men who were older than I said I’d go out with, and I’ve gone out with people who had a different overall look/body type than my “normal” preference. I guess it just makes me wonder what other things I thought were what I wanted may not really be the case.
Ladies, have you ever dated someone who was noticeably shorter than you? Guys, have you dated someone taller? If you haven’t, do you think you’d be okay with that?
Related Reading:
At The Frisky, 6’1″ Susannah Breslin has some advice for How To Date A Tall Chick.
When other guys see a guy with a woman who’s taller than he is, they assume one of two things: A) He has a lot of money, or B) He’s really good in bed. Bagging a six-footer is big-game hunting. If you land one, everyone will assume you’re a baller. Now, get out there, and find yourself a tall woman. I bet she’s waiting for you — with her heels on.
Double X: Julia Childs’ Height Was Not a Handicap
Tall women’s struggles are more subtle. You’re not aware of this unless you’re tall, but there’s a vortex of silence around tall female public figures, and a total dearth of tall female role models. Sure, there are lots of very successful tall women out there. But you probably don’t know who they are. Because they don’t talk about it.
Kaye Dacus published a novel with a plus-sized heroine who also happens to be 5’11″. She said she wanted to address the stereotype of tall men and short women, women “who are short enough the top of their head barely reaches the hero’s shoulder.”
18 Comments
At 5’9″ myself, I’ll admit to liking taller guys in general (6’3″ is my ideal), but I’ve dated a couple of shorter guys. I felt awkward, but I think it’s because of my own self-consciousness with my height rather than resenting their shortness…if that makes sense.
On the flip side, I have two female friends who are very vocal about liking guys shorter than themselves. Neither of these two are taller than 5’6″, at best, and they both do date fairly short guys regularly.
To each their own! I really like Susannah’s bit, by the way.
I’m 6′ and my current boyfriend is about 1½” shorter than I am. My previous (and first “real”) boyfriend was almost 2″ shorter than I am.
Honestly, I don’t really care. But I admit to missing the feeling of being totally embraced while we hug (my head is always over his shoulder…) and that spooning is a bit awkward.
Btw, I laughed at your comment about poeple looking down to see how much length your shoes add. :)
At 5’9″ myself, I understand the dilemma, but I’ve never limited myself to dating guys that are taller than me. And honestly, I’ve never cared. Yes, some people might comment. I’m sure when I was dating the guy that was 5’2″ people commented. And yes, I had to bend down to kiss him. But he was a great great guy, and is still one of my best friends, and he’s married to a woman who is quite a bit taller than him, so why worry?
Honestly, if you’re going to date shorter guys it comes down to two things…you don’t care, and they don’t care. I dated one guy who was shorter than me and hated the fact and that got really annoying. He didn’t want me to wear high heels, he didn’t like hanging out places where we had to stand the whole time…he didn’t last long.
Then again, I’m marrying a guy who is 2 inches shorter than me, and I don’t think I’ve dated anyone taller than me since I was in college, so at this point I think I’m biased!
I’m 5’4″, so it’s rare that I meet a guy shorter than me. I did once date someone who was exactly my height, and that was pretty awesome; it was great to be able to look him in the eyes and just kiss him without any tip toes. I have noticed that while I don’t date guys shorter than me, I do tend to date shorter guys. Matt’s 5’9″, and that’s perfect for me. Guys over 6 feet . . . well, I usually have to find a curb or a stair for anything more than a quick kiss, and it just doesn’t work as well for me. I’ll leave all the tall guys for women who will appreciate them more than I do ;-)
Also, I want to comment on the attractiveness part. People are always offended that someone might judge a potential date on height, but I think it’s a reasonable part of evaluating attraction. Liking someone is a complicated business, and there’s all sorts of stuff going on in the subconscious. As long as you don’t exclude someone purely for their height (as in, you meet a really cool guy but later break up with him just because he’s too short), it’s fine to follow your impulse. For me, tall guys might seem attractive, but they have to be mighty awesome for me to get over the annoying differences in height and what all that means for every day little shows of affection.
I dated a guy that was my height once, but never anyone shorter than me. I don’t think it is so much because I was against it, but because I’m not that tall and there were never many opportunities to date someone shorter. Anyway, my MIL is a few inches taller than my FIL and although I noticed it initially when we met, it doesn’t strike me as strange now…unless someone points it out.
I’ve gotta be honest… I miss dating taller women! When I can’t reach something on that top shelf, all I have to say is, “Honey, can you help me out here?” Let’s not forget about those long, sexy legs. Grrrrrrrrrrr. And sometimes, you know, it’s just nice to feel protected…
… ;) …
(In reality, as long as we work together, it doesn’t matter how tall or short you are.)
Another 5’9″ gal here. :-)
This is the one way in which I feel a little superficial, because I don’t care so much what guys look like, their weight, etc. – but it is REALLY hard for me to be attracted to shorter guys. And also, since I’ve had body image issues in the past, I think there is something about feeling “bigger” than my boyfriend, ya know?
However, if I met a guy who made me laugh and smile, and really made me feel whole – well, I’m hoping I would look past the height thing and be attracted to a guy like that. Plus, it seems (along with all the “good ones”) they’re running short of tall ones here. :-)
I’ve dated some serioulsy short men who were fun, funny, educated and sexy as hell. Don’t limit yourself, you never know what you’ll miss out on.
this has always interested me..what if I date a girl who is few inches taller to me..well I think i would not really bother because its difficult to find an emotional connect..all the physical concerns just vanish once you find someone who you like for their mind
It would be weird for me to date a woman who is taller than me. i don’t know if I could do it. Then again, I’m also 6’7″… so there’s that.
My girlfriend is about an inch and 1/2 taller than I am. We met online and she now claims that she thinks that I mis-represented myself. I went back and checked my profile, and wasn’t true!
But she has admitted that in the past she wouldn’t date anyone shorter. Now she says that she is glad she didn’t stick to that or else she would have missed out! I am glad that she took the chance…
The only time it is really awkward is when she has big heels on, but that’s not often. And 1.5 inches isn’t really that much.
I dated a guy who was about an inch shorter than me (I’m 5″6″, him 5’5″) and it wasn’t any big deal. We are both confident people, regardless of our heights. I was dating him because of the person he was, not because he had or didn’t have a couple inches on me.
You’re maturing. That’s why you’re more willing now to look at the overall person than you were previously.
As for me, I’m only about 6’1″ and yes, I once dated a girl that was 6’4″. I had no problem with it. I mean, the LEGS!!!! Oh wow!!! But, she decided she had a problem dating me since I was shorter. That’s the only time it ever happened to me.
Like Leah, at 5’4″ a guy would have to be really short to be shorter than me. I tend to date guys that are short but taller than me (5’6″ – 5’9″).
I actually think that with the really short guys (the ones that would be shorter than me) there IS often a “difference in the person.” It seems like a lot of times the short guys try to overcompensate for their height with what they think is “personality” but actually comes off as obnoxiousness.
I’m 5’7 and I think the average guy height is around about my height here, maybe its 5’6. So with heels I can be quite a lot taller than a lot of guys. I prefer heels to make my legs look longer so I’m not going to stop wearing them.
I’d definitely prefer a guy taller than me. I think that is one of the issues with internet dating, you can be really superficial. I’d never search for anyone shorter than me for example. Though in real life I’ve had two boyfriends who were probably 5’8 and if someone was really cool I’d give them a chance for sure. Though I have to admit, with my last boyfriend I loved it that he was 6’3 and huge – it made me feel so tiny and I didn’t mind the neck crink from kissing him!
I had this come up on the online dating front. I actually dated this one guy last summer who claimed to be my height. Whatever. I’ll admit I’m not usually a big fan of guys a lot shorter than me. And my dad was so tall growing up that I think I default to taller guys. But I’m not too short for a girl myself.
Anyhow, I found guys just lied. This guy was more like a half of an inch shorter than me. Not a *big* deal, but in the grander scheme of things, it ended up saying a lot about other things. I think you should feel confident to be yourself everywhere, be it in person or online. And to me lying there doesn’t get you anywhere. Last time I checked, my two eyes were working. Honesty goes a long way, especially when you’re dealing with STRANGERS!
“A guy would probably say it’s unfair for a taller woman not to give him a chance (if a height difference is the only thing holding them apart from mutual attraction), but I think there are many guys who specifically look for shorter women.”
Yes for me. I don’t look for midgets to date, but for some reason a woman taller than me isn’t a turn-on for some reason. I’m guessing it’s some sort of ‘caveman id’ thing where I want to feel dominant physically, and height can be a big component of that.
“it would all come down to how comfortable I felt about having him be the one to tip his head back when it came time for a kiss. I’m not sure how I’d feel about that.”
I’m sure it would be as comfortable for him as it would be if you two went dancing and he was the subordinate partner, or if you owned a motorcycle and he had to hold onto your back (i.e. not at all comfortable).
I’ve dated women close to my 6’2″, but not quite as tall. I have to say if she were as tall or taller it wouldn’t bothered me. In fact it’s kinda sexy.
At my brother’s wedding, where he was wearing the normal kind of shoes you’d expect a guy to wear at a wedding with about an inch of heel making him about 6’2″. His wife, who was wearing ballet slippers – is that the right term? – was still looking down on him by about an inch.