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(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

On Christmas Day, while spending time with family in the central Virginia county where I grew up, I was caught off guard when one of my family members expressed concern for the amount of alcohol I consume (not that day in particular — I wasn’t drinking — but in general). It turns out that this person, who is also a Facebook friend, tends to take note when I update my status saying that I’m going to a bar, or to a party with friends.

The question bothered me a little bit, but only because I don’t want this person thinking I have a problem. I’m proud of the fact that I take care of myself and I like to think that I do a pretty good job. I eat right, I’m at a healthy weight, I exercise, I pay my bills on time, and there are a fair amount of people who enjoy spending time with me. I think those are all things to be proud of.

The question came up because I happened to mention that I’d had a few drinks at my mom’s house the night before. “I’m glad you brought that up,” the family member said. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that I notice you have an awful lot of status updates about going out drinking. I think you drink too much.”

“I don’t have a drinking problem,” I said.

“That’s what anyone would say if they were confronted.”

“Maybe so,” I answered. “But in this case, you’ll just have to believe that I’m telling the truth.”

What is the truth? The truth is that, yes, alcohol does play a role in my social interactions. When I meet new people through online dating, bars are a common meeting place. When I go out with friends or co-workers after work and on weekends, we tend to consume alcohol.

However, just for the fun of it, I’m going to run through some reasons why I know I don’t have a drinking problem (all of which I could — and should — have listed in person the other day, but I tend to form more coherent thoughts when I’m writing rather than speaking).

1) I don’t drink every day, and just because I go to a bar doesn’t mean I’m getting hammered. I do have self control; I can stop at one or two.

2) I very rarely have a drink when I’m at home by myself (maybe once every few months).

3) I’ve never woken up and not known where I was, or gone home with someone because I was too drunk to know what I was doing — hell, I don’t think I’ve ever made-out in a bar with someone I’ve just met.

4) I have the same drink most of the time (rum and diet coke), because I know how much I can handle, and how I feel when I’ve had enough.

Do I think I’d know if I had a problem? Yes, I’m pretty sure I would. I imagine that all of the things I listed above would be the complete opposite — that I would lose control, that I would drink for the hell of it and not just because I was having fun. I appreciate that this family member cares enough about me to bring up a concern, but I also hope he realizes that I’m not the kind of person who would enjoy relinquishing control.

What kind of role does alcohol play in your social interactions?

Related Reading:

Telegraph: Professional women ‘more likely to be heavy drinkers than those in other jobs’

AV Flox on BlogHer: Drunk on You: Alcohol Disinhibits, But At What Cost?

Crazy Sexy Life: One of Terri’s recommendations to reduce family stress over the holiday season is to “know when to say when” to your alcohol consumption.

Banned in Hollywood: 10 More Signs You Drank Too Much (humor)

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

Should we handle dating around the holidays any differently than we would at any other time of year? I’m sure there are some people who might, but I don’t. I do the same thing I always do: I sign in to my dating site if I feel like it (which means I might sign in every-other day, or maybe wait a few weeks between visits, depending on my mood). I answer emails from new people if they strike me the right way, otherwise I delete them. I might meet 2-3 people in one week, or maybe I’ll go a month without meeting someone new. I’d have no problem meeting someone new on Christmas Eve, as long as I didn’t have anything else planned. Who cares?

I found a Holiday Dating Do’s and Don’ts article that recommends not logging into your dating account over the holidays at all. Umm…WHY NOT? I understand not logging in on a Friday or Saturday night (when you’re supposed to give off the impression that you’re away from home because you’re too popular and desirable to spend a weekend night alone). But refraining from signing-in at all is just silly.

I met a guy online in December of last year, shortly before Christmas, but because of the holidays and our conflicting schedules we didn’t actually meet in person until after January 1st. However, we were exchanging text messages on Christmas Day. Did I think I was breaking some kind of boundary or maybe giving him the impression that I was a loser? Not at all. A text takes a short time to send; it was harmless.

If you refrain from meeting anyone new around the holiday season, you’re putting too much pressure on dating. The purpose of dating is to have fun and meet new people – if you’re worried about whether you should buy someone a gift because you’ve only been dating a few weeks, you’re taking the fun out of it.

If I’d been on a few dates with someone in the weeks leading up to Christmas, there are a few things I might do: If we went out for a drink or dinner, I might grab the check and pay for everything, saying “Merry Christmas!” as I signed the check. Or I could hand him a bag of homemade cookies with a “Here, these are for you! Happy holidays!” Basically, I have no problem spending a little bit of money or a little bit of time, but I wouldn’t hand over a gift that was all wrapped-up, no matter how much it cost (even if the gift cost less than his dinner). I’m sure there are other good ways that people handle this situation, but that’s what I would do.

Are you dating during the holiday season? Pretend it’s spring, summer, or fall. Unless, of course, you feel like stressing yourself out unnecessarily — if that’s the case, have at it. As for me, I’ll be out having fun.

Related Reading:

Misadventures in Atlanta: Single-ish During the Holidays

The Frisky: Dating Don’ts: Dealing With Holiday Hell

StyleCaster: Unattached? 5 Reasons You’ll Be Thankful You’re Single During the Holidays

(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)

When I think about people who write memoirs, the first word that comes to mind is exposed. Even though you have the option to disclose as little or as much as you want, there’s still a certain amount of exposure involved. In an article for the Huffington Post, author Rebecca Walker (daughter of Alice Walker) asked, Why Write Memoir When Fiction is So Much More Respectable? Apparently, after Rebecca wrote her first memoir several people in her life disowned her.

After USA Today called [my first memoir] “stunningly honest,” people told me how much they loved the book, how it changed their lives, how gorgeous it is and so on. I heard all of that, I really did, but I also heard what they didn’t say. Like, how they would never write a book like mine. They would never describe their first blowjob to the world in thrilling detail, or admit to shoplifting from JC Penney. While they benefit from me doing it and pity the exorbitant price I paid, at the end of the day I don’t think they really respect me for it. And neither do my colleagues and critics.

Since then, people have recommended that she write fiction instead. When she hears this advice, Ms. Walker says that she’s “amazed anyone would think an artist can switch easily from one form to another, from first person to third.”

I completely agree. Other than the stories I wrote when I was young (up to age 10 or so), I’ve never been a fiction writer. And with very few exceptions, most of the books I read are nonfiction. I’m not saying that I read heavy, dry tomes of history and philosophy or anything like that — I prefer to read memoirs.

I like memoirs because they’re real. These stories and situations actually happened to someone. Sometimes these stories read like fiction because it’s hard to believe that someone could climb to the top of a forbidding mountain or survive a year living in disastrous foreign conditions. But that’s exactly why they’re so interesting to me.

I’ve given some thought to writing a memoir. And yes, of course I know what you’re thinking. What do I, at age 29.5, have to say that other people might be interested in reading? What have I done or experienced that I feel I’d like to share? The thing is, since I’ve read a fair amount of memoirs I’ve realized that you don’t necessarily have to write about an exciting or heroic event — it’s primarily about how you tell the story.

The realization that I might have material for a memoir came to me a few months back when I rediscovered a ton of notes that I wrote over the course of a year. Honestly, since I wrote them over such a long period of time, I had no idea that I’d captured so much detailed information.

I made these notes during a time in my life that was filled with quite a bit of drama — too much drama, actually, since I prefer for my life to be fun rather than crazy. And I certainly didn’t write them because I ever had a smidgen of thought that I might want to write a book one day. I guess I just realized that the situation was pretty intense and it made sense to keep some kind of record.

However, although I think I have a story to tell, I haven’t started any kind of formal writing plan. There are a lot of factors holding me back, one of the biggest ones being time. I understand that we make time for the things we really want to do, but there’s still a lot of doubt in my mind. The doubtful voice tells me, “What if you spend all of these multiple-multiple-multiple hours writing something and it turns out to be crap? You would have wasted your time.” And if there’s one thing I hate, it’s the thought that I’ve wasted my time.

The other factor is what Rebecca Walker said in her article: If you write a memoir, you’re inviting scrutiny. And you have to be ready and willing to accept scrutiny from anyone who reads your words.

To answer Rebecca’s original question, I would say that in most cases, a memoir is definitely less respectable than fiction. Why? Because with very few exceptions, memoir authors can’t help but disclose something about themselves that they never thought they would — some weakness, some embarrassment, something they did that they’re not proud of. Even if people think your book is awesome, they’re also likely to think to themselves, “Wow. I never knew that about her before.”

I don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe I’ll never get around to it. Maybe I’ll wait a few years before I start. Or maybe, one of these days, I’ll just sit down and start writing.

Related Reading:

Miss Move Abroad tells us about Sandy Shaw, who has lived in Costa Rica for over 20 years: “She pared away from her life all but the essential, so that she might, for a year, concentrate on writing the book she knew she was meant to write.”

On Writing Forward, Deborah Prutzman gives advice for writing a memoir with a partner.

At ADDer World, Bryan Hutchinson has 10 Simple Tips on Writing a Memoir.

The Rejectionist helps us out with Memoir Topics That Are Not, In Fact, of Inherent Interest, And Do Require Some Effort On Your Part In Order to Constitute A Successful Book.