(This is cross-posted at BlogHer.)
On Christmas Day, while spending time with family in the central Virginia county where I grew up, I was caught off guard when one of my family members expressed concern for the amount of alcohol I consume (not that day in particular — I wasn’t drinking — but in general). It turns out that this person, who is also a Facebook friend, tends to take note when I update my status saying that I’m going to a bar, or to a party with friends.
The question bothered me a little bit, but only because I don’t want this person thinking I have a problem. I’m proud of the fact that I take care of myself and I like to think that I do a pretty good job. I eat right, I’m at a healthy weight, I exercise, I pay my bills on time, and there are a fair amount of people who enjoy spending time with me. I think those are all things to be proud of.
The question came up because I happened to mention that I’d had a few drinks at my mom’s house the night before. “I’m glad you brought that up,” the family member said. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that I notice you have an awful lot of status updates about going out drinking. I think you drink too much.”
“I don’t have a drinking problem,” I said.
“That’s what anyone would say if they were confronted.”
“Maybe so,” I answered. “But in this case, you’ll just have to believe that I’m telling the truth.”
What is the truth? The truth is that, yes, alcohol does play a role in my social interactions. When I meet new people through online dating, bars are a common meeting place. When I go out with friends or co-workers after work and on weekends, we tend to consume alcohol.
However, just for the fun of it, I’m going to run through some reasons why I know I don’t have a drinking problem (all of which I could — and should — have listed in person the other day, but I tend to form more coherent thoughts when I’m writing rather than speaking).
1) I don’t drink every day, and just because I go to a bar doesn’t mean I’m getting hammered. I do have self control; I can stop at one or two.
2) I very rarely have a drink when I’m at home by myself (maybe once every few months).
3) I’ve never woken up and not known where I was, or gone home with someone because I was too drunk to know what I was doing — hell, I don’t think I’ve ever made-out in a bar with someone I’ve just met.
4) I have the same drink most of the time (rum and diet coke), because I know how much I can handle, and how I feel when I’ve had enough.
Do I think I’d know if I had a problem? Yes, I’m pretty sure I would. I imagine that all of the things I listed above would be the complete opposite — that I would lose control, that I would drink for the hell of it and not just because I was having fun. I appreciate that this family member cares enough about me to bring up a concern, but I also hope he realizes that I’m not the kind of person who would enjoy relinquishing control.
What kind of role does alcohol play in your social interactions?
Related Reading:
Telegraph: Professional women ‘more likely to be heavy drinkers than those in other jobs’
AV Flox on BlogHer: Drunk on You: Alcohol Disinhibits, But At What Cost?
Crazy Sexy Life: One of Terri’s recommendations to reduce family stress over the holiday season is to “know when to say when” to your alcohol consumption.
Banned in Hollywood: 10 More Signs You Drank Too Much (humor)
7 Comments
wow, that was a really lame thing for your family member to say. I can understand someone forming that opinion based on what they may read in FB, but it’s really none of their business. Unless there was some obvious destructive behavior going on that they are witnessing first hand, then for them to interpret that and throw it in your face is being nosey.
That being said, I think the same thing about my brother. He writes about going out drinking every night and then writes about his hangover the next day. Knowing his history, I think he does have a problem. But I’m not going to say anything to him about it.
I think that’s just how things go in this day and age. FB is so open to interpretation. People sometimes “see” what they want to “see.”
You clearly don’t have a drinking problem, and I’m surprised anyone would even think that from your blog/facebook, etc. (Though I’m not in the lucky group that gets to be your facebook friends!)
I wonder, is it possible what this person meant was not to suggest that you have a drinking problem but more a comment on how you spend your free time and with whom? Could it be an implication that, for lack of a better phrase, that you are too “Sex in City”? Because whether justified or not, I feel sometimes that people look at me that way when I talk about going to bars and clubs with co-workers and friends. I never feel like it’s a comment on how much I drink; like you, I’m there to socialize, not to get drunk or even buzzed. Rather, I feel judged on how I spend my time, like I should be home with my (nonexistent) kids or singing in a church choir or at a couple’s supper club or something instead.
My mind is kinda blown here. I’m wondering what your family member would think of me! Well, no, I’m not wondering, I know. They’d have me committed.
I grew up in a family where a drink or two with dinner is standard. Even when we were kids. Not excessive, or abnormal, just…we have a glass of wine–or two–every night with our meals. Sometimes a cocktail (we’re Irish, whiskey is a must). If I’m eating out, which I often do, I always order a drink.
When actually out in a “bar” (I don’t frequent bars that often, unless they’re attached to a restaurant), I am usually the soberest and most responsible. I can’t remember the last time I deliberately drank to get drunk. It happens three or four times a year, but that’s it. Never black-out drunk. Never, ever, do I go home with a stranger, let alone kiss them.
And I drink pretty much every day, including at home. Your relative would be giving me flyers for AA, I’m sure. I’m offended for you!
Ha! B’s mom always gets worried about him if he has more than two beers. The other problem is reading too much into tweets or status updates… like you said, just because I was OUT doesn’t mean I was DRUNK. Socializing and getting blitzed are in no way the same thing.
Alcohol DOES play a big part in our social interactions. Every time I don’t drink, people demand to know why. If I’m DD, then it makes sense, but if not, then people just don’t “get” why I wouldn’t want to drink. It’s frustrating.
On the other hand, having ONE drink doesn’t cause people to ask questions at all! So even if you tend to go out a lot “drinking”, you’re right, it doesn’t mean you’re getting completely wasted. I think that if you’re drinking by yourself, then that’s an indication that there could be a drinking problem.
I think it tends to play more of a role when you are in a big city, like DC, NYC, Boston, etc. It’s a place for people to meet up after work. It’s easy for someone living somewhere else or at a different stage in life (married, kids, etc.) to think what you’re doing is excessive.
I like your list of things you considered as they apply to yourself. I agree – I wouldn’t think you have a problem at all.
Call me the only nut in the bunch, but I find it really creepy that this relative is following your activities closely enough to form this opinion, let alone to take you to task for it and try to change your behavior.
If you’re single, you can afford it, you are social about it, you don’t puke or have blackouts on a regular basis, and your main goal is to socialize, not to get drunk, it’s nobody’s freaking business what you do on your own time.
That being said, you might want to defriend the relative, and you might want to be a little more circumspect about what you put on your facebook account.