Comments on: Expectations: It Depends on the Person

By: Anna

Anna — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 07:59:53 +0000

I spent a year in Canada as an exchange student and I have to say that it drove me nuts that no man/boy/guy would take my “I’m fine walking on my own” seriously. I was used to walking or biking or taking the bus/train on my own at any hour of the day. Or night. I felt limited in my independence. I wrote it up as cultural differences…

That said, I’d love to go to a fancy party at a museum. Sounds cool! :)

By: Kate

Kate — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 04:33:37 +0000

I’m with Debbie (and others, it seems!). I’m a little disappointed with your female friends for being appalled at B for not walking you to the Metro. Feels kinda sexist to me! I know I personally would be very annoyed with (any gender) friend insisting on walking me to the Metro. Who’s gonna walk the friend back to where they’re going? Why is my friend so much more “safe” than I am?

If I had a friend who wanted to be walked somewhere, I’d do it in a heartbeat, but you weren’t asking for that. I always make sure to check in on friends (male or female) to make sure they got home okay, or I drive them to their cars if mine is closer, etc. But to just expect a walk somewhere because I’m female? Ugh.

I’d probably be annoyed at a male date/boyfriend who insisted the same thing. He should absolutely offer, but if turned down, calmly accept that I can handle my own.

By: Holly

Holly — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 16:36:33 +0000

I don’t know….this day and age, I get a little nervous if guy friends don’t walk me to my car (or wherever) in the dark. I KNOW that seems high maintenance, and I’m such an independent person that I hate to be like that, but I just think a *true* gentleman should WANT to do that. Not saying your friend isn’t one, but I always make sure my girl friends get to their car/cab safely.

I agree about the expectations. I completely expect a guy who I am dating to do things like that – because that is the kind of man I want to be with. If I’m dating someone and he isn’t worried for my safety, well….I have my answer!

By: john

john — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 01:02:45 +0000

hey zan, sounds like this guy could be the one? he should have, at least, made sure you knew how to get home but i see where you are comin from. i’d give him another date. he did sleep on your couch!

By: classic jen

classic jen — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 14:42:08 +0000

This seems sexist to me. You made a point of saying you are just friends. If B was a female friend, I doubt anyone would be saying she should have made sure you got to the metro safely.

Though I definitely would have asked my friend if he or she would be ok getting back home, if he or she assured me it would be fine I’d accept that at face value and go on with my evening. And I’d expect to be treated the same way by a friend of either gender.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:02:39 +0000

Even though it wasn’t a romantic situation, you were still his guest, and he still had a responsibility to see you home safely. If he wanted to continue his evening, he should have hailed a cab for you and paid the driver on your behalf. I mean, really, no matter how comfortable you felt, it’s less of a gender thing, and more about his needing to be a more gracious host.

By: Surfergrrl

Surfergrrl — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 16:21:35 +0000

I agree that he should have walked you to the Metro at the very least. No one HAS to do this, but since he is a guy it just boils down to manners in my opinion. It would have shown that he has a lot of character, and to me letting you walk alone, even if it is a safe neighborhood is not right (in my opinion). It definitely shows what great character YOU have though for letting him stay the night.

It was an inconvenience and hassle for you, yet it was the RIGHT thing to do.

By: Debbie

Debbie — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 16:13:01 +0000

Nice post! And, as with everything, not only do expectations change based on the role of the person being judged (B, in this case) but also by the person doing the expecting/judging. Because I would be annoyed if I told someone to go on with their evening, that I was fine to go find the metro on my own, and they instead chose to treat me like I couldn’t make valid judgments and must be accompanied. When I’d just specifically said I didn’t need to be! Of course I probably also wouldn’t have been drunk (not that I never drink, but only a couple times a year and in circumstances that are home or like-home to me), so adding that to the mix probably also makes a difference.

I lived in DC for 4 years and walked to the metro by myself at night many times. If I didn’t feel safe doing so, I asked someone to come with me. If I told them I could do it myself and I was wrong, that’s on me, not on them.

But all of this just perfectly makes your point, that each experience helps us to see what we want/need from a partner, and we all want something different. Doesn’t that work out nicely! :)

By: Katharine

Katharine — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 14:38:18 +0000

And impressed you should be! I love the title of this post because it’s so true. You expect certain things of people depending on who they are and where they fit in your life. He definitely should have made sure you got to the Metro safely, but I understand him wanting to carry on his night. You seem like you have such a good head on your shoulders!