If I Were Anonymous

(I wrote this post over a week ago, but I just decided to publish it. The fact is, I’d like to be able to speak more openly — at least when it comes to my thoughts about work. I almost decided not to post this at all if I couldn’t be more open about things, but…here goes.)

When I started this blog in September 2002, I slapped my name in the web address and it’s been there ever since. I don’t regret that, but sometimes there are topics I don’t write about in detail because my name is uncommon and you can easily find a photo to confirm who I am. When you don’t have an anonymous blog, the major things going on in your life are often the very things you don’t feel comfortable sharing with an unknown audience.

If I were anonymous, I would tell you about my recent performance review at work. Don’t get me wrong; it was not negative. There were “Suggestions for Improvement,” of course, but those are normal and expected. These days I’m supposed to have a performance review every four months, with the Big Annual Extravaganza Review taking place in April — a recap of the four previous reviews, a comprehensive self assessment, meetings with my coach, conversations about goals, and questions like “Will you be going for the such-and-such certification this year?” Although I realize they serve a purpose, I kind of hate performance reviews.

If I were anonymous, I would go into detail about why this post speaks to me. Instead, I’ll share a few quotes:

Do you want to follow the masses, affording yourself an even-keeled, average, run-of-the-mills life? Yes, you will most likely see your next paycheck, the one that comes every 2 weeks. But what you give in return is your life. [...]

What if your life ends sooner than when you’re ready for retirement? You cannot outline the course of your life, as much as you try. No amount of 1-year plans, 3-year plans, 5-year or 10-year plans will ever account for the sudden happenings of life as it was meant to occur.

Good grief, I know it’s cliché to say “I don’t want to be on my deathbed and regret not taking chances in life.” But fortheloveofgod…it’s true.

If I were anonymous, I would tell you about my boyfriend. I would tell you how, even after we decided to become an “official” couple, several months went by before I felt comfortable referring to him as my boyfriend in front of other people. Not because I felt any hesitation about us being together…I simply was not used to it. The spoken word felt strange on my tongue. I am almost 31 years old, and there has only been one other guy I referred to as my boyfriend. However, I am getting used to the term again. And honestly, I feel so lucky to be with this guy who is…totally unlike anyone I’ve ever dated before…encourages me…puts a goofy smile on my face…someone I don’t get tired of, no matter how many days in a row we see each other.

When I sit down and think about writing a post, those are the topics that come to mind. Work. (It’s a corporate job. Don’t screw it up, Zan.) My relationship. (While I talked extensively in the past about my online dating adventures, something longer-term deserves more privacy.) My future: Where I see myself in a few years, what I want to be doing.

It’s all there. I’m sorting it out.


  1. I feel the same way. I try to blog, but then I think “omg, I’m going to be a teacher. Forget corporate — parents will probably read my blog!” And then I can’t blog about anything, even my opinions on news articles, because I am paranoid.

    There’s a significant part of me that wants to move my blog somewhere new and completely unattached to my name.

    Posted April 18, 2011 at 7:25 am #
  2. I know exactly what you mean! I have two unusual last names and I’m really trying to keep them off the Internet so that I feel free enough to be more private in my postings. (But then I have a craft blog and I’m not very private in it, but still…)

    Congrats on feeling good about having a boyfriend. It makes me happy to read!

    Posted April 18, 2011 at 8:14 am #
  3. You have a boyfriend?!?!? Kidding. I feel the same way sometimes. There are many things I want to talk about, but as a grown-up it might not be the best idea.

    Posted April 18, 2011 at 3:03 pm #
  4. I can’t really relate to the distinctive name problem, but I know what you mean about discussing work-related topics. For a lot of reasons, I can’t (and won’t) discuss anything related to my work in my blog, as well as those very private topics that need to remain between a husband and wife (or boyfriend and girlfriend)…fortunately, there’s plenty of stuff out there to blog about, and as long as Congress is in session and people act stupid, I’ll never run out of material. Good luck sorting it all out to your level of comfort. Whatever you write, I’ll continue to enjoy reading. Best wishes, Bilbo.

    Posted April 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm #
  5. I’m so sad I didn’t make it to Seattle so we could catch up in person!

    Posted May 3, 2011 at 4:16 pm #