(I wrote this post over a week ago, but I just decided to publish it. The fact is, I’d like to be able to speak more openly — at least when it comes to my thoughts about work. I almost decided not to post this at all if I couldn’t be more open about things, but…here goes.)
When I started this blog in September 2002, I slapped my name in the web address and it’s been there ever since. I don’t regret that, but sometimes there are topics I don’t write about in detail because my name is uncommon and you can easily find a photo to confirm who I am. When you don’t have an anonymous blog, the major things going on in your life are often the very things you don’t feel comfortable sharing with an unknown audience.
If I were anonymous, I would tell you about my recent performance review at work. Don’t get me wrong; it was not negative. There were “Suggestions for Improvement,” of course, but those are normal and expected. These days I’m supposed to have a performance review every four months, with the Big Annual Extravaganza Review taking place in April — a recap of the four previous reviews, a comprehensive self assessment, meetings with my coach, conversations about goals, and questions like “Will you be going for the such-and-such certification this year?” Although I realize they serve a purpose, I kind of hate performance reviews.
If I were anonymous, I would go into detail about why this post speaks to me. Instead, I’ll share a few quotes:
Do you want to follow the masses, affording yourself an even-keeled, average, run-of-the-mills life? Yes, you will most likely see your next paycheck, the one that comes every 2 weeks. But what you give in return is your life. [...]
What if your life ends sooner than when you’re ready for retirement? You cannot outline the course of your life, as much as you try. No amount of 1-year plans, 3-year plans, 5-year or 10-year plans will ever account for the sudden happenings of life as it was meant to occur.
Good grief, I know it’s cliché to say “I don’t want to be on my deathbed and regret not taking chances in life.” But fortheloveofgod…it’s true.
If I were anonymous, I would tell you about my boyfriend. I would tell you how, even after we decided to become an “official” couple, several months went by before I felt comfortable referring to him as my boyfriend in front of other people. Not because I felt any hesitation about us being together…I simply was not used to it. The spoken word felt strange on my tongue. I am almost 31 years old, and there has only been one other guy I referred to as my boyfriend. However, I am getting used to the term again. And honestly, I feel so lucky to be with this guy who is…totally unlike anyone I’ve ever dated before…encourages me…puts a goofy smile on my face…someone I don’t get tired of, no matter how many days in a row we see each other.
When I sit down and think about writing a post, those are the topics that come to mind. Work. (It’s a corporate job. Don’t screw it up, Zan.) My relationship. (While I talked extensively in the past about my online dating adventures, something longer-term deserves more privacy.) My future: Where I see myself in a few years, what I want to be doing.
It’s all there. I’m sorting it out.