Random Friday

Random Friday, Ver. 119

I was hit by a car last month. I was crossing an intersection on foot (in a crosswalk, at a green light), and was struck by a vehicle making a left turn across my lane of traffic.

I experienced a number of bumps and bruises, but the worst injury was to the left side of my head (the impact knocked me to the ground and I hit my head on the asphalt). It’s been over four weeks since the accident and I still have a lump on my head underneath my bangs. Most noticeably, the trauma of the head injury caused a black eye, which is much better but not completely gone.

Head Injury

Black Eye

The experience was quite disconcerting, and even though I wasn’t in the wrong, I’ve been a bit over-careful while crossing the street since then (for instance, waiting for drivers to fully stop and acknowledge my existence before I proceed).

***************************************

A new activity in my life that makes me happy is cycling. I bought a bike in 2008 when I lived in Alexandria, VA and rode regularly for a while, but the habit died off when I moved into DC in 2010 and then to Buffalo in 2013. I told Paul he needed to get a bike so we could ride together, so we picked up a used Cannondale for him at a local bicycle shop.

He embraced the cycling habit right away and we’ve been on our bikes most Saturdays and Sundays for the past few months. Paul is great with maps and navigating, so he plans our routes for us in advance. We’ve explored a bunch of trails already and it’s been a really fun way to experience the area (we travel much slower than a car, but a lot faster than we would on foot).

***************************************

Currently Reading: All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation, by Rebecca Traister

Currently Watching: Mostly documentaries, like Lisa Ling’s This is Life, GasLand, and Chasing Ice.

***************************************

Favorite Links:

I Love the Victorian Era. So I Decided to Live In It. This is amazing! How had I never heard about this woman, or her books, before last week? I don’t want to take her lead and live in a recreated Victorian era, but I love that she and her husband enjoy it so much and go to such efforts for authenticity. (They use a period-appropriate icebox instead of an electric refrigerator, which they stock with block ice and empty melted water from the drip tray 1-2 times a day. There’s a wind-up mechanical clock in their parlor, and she writes in her diary using an antique fountain pen that she fills with liquid ink using an eyedropper.) She’s written two memoirs, both of which my library owns, so expect to see them pop up soon in my monthly reading roundup.

Quitting Your Job To Travel Isn’t Brave. It’s Lucky. This post is spot-on. I get annoyed with travel writers who proclaim that everyone can do what they do. No, everybody cannot — or should not — do what you do. Even if you’re single and childless, it’s irresponsible to quit your job to travel if you have debts to pay off. Fulfill your obligations first. And when you’re debt free and everything is lined up for your departure, don’t forget you’re lucky to be taking advantage of this opportunity. Unless you’re traveling to a war zone or something similar, traveling is not brave.

The Patronizing Questions We Ask Women Who Write. “Let me say this: I am embarrassed and worried all the time, and that is why I am a writer. You do not need to bring up hypothetical consequences of my work as if in an effort to trap me, to surprise me, to make me turn red and throw my laptop in a river. I go through all of that every damn day, in the hour or so it takes me to work myself up to open a Word document.”

When It’s Time to Detach Yourself From Your Things. Do you have a collection, or something else you’re particularly attached to? J. Money discusses his coin collection, but his thoughts can be applied to pretty much anything.

Hoarding is a Serious Disorder and It’s Only Getting Worse in the United States. This reminds me of the book on hoarding I read a few months ago.

If You Are What You Eat, America Is Allrecipes. “The nation’s most popular recipe site reveals the enormous gap between foodie culture and what people actually cook.”

Are Farmers Markets Really as Expensive as Everyone Says? “The prices of the goods you buy at the farmers market are a lot more complicated than the numbers on the placards read—and those numbers shouldn’t be the only thing we take into consideration.”

***************************************

From the Archives:

One year ago: I Conquered My Eating Disorder. “My recovery wasn’t quick or linear, but since 2007 I’ve never returned to a calorie-restricting diet. I spent too many years counting calories; I will never do so again. I focus instead on eating foods that won’t harm me. In the past I never cared how many unpronounceable ingredients were in my prepared foods, or how much artificial sugar I consumed, as long as it was low calorie.”

Six years ago: A Farewell of Sorts. After writing weekly posts for BlogHer for three years, I decided to quit. Here’s why.

Seven years ago: Marriage? I Could Take It or Leave It. This was written a year before I met Paul.

Eight years ago: Nobody Asked Me If I Was Okay. The day I almost passed out on the Metro.

About Me

Turning 36

Today I am 36 years old.

When I turned six in 1986, I had just finished kindergarten at Buckingham County Primary School in Buckingham, Virginia. I had one older sister and one younger sister; my two brothers had not yet been born.

When I turned 16 in 1996, it was the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. My mom left my dad a few months later and a great life upheaval began, which in some ways continues to affect my life today.

When I turned 26 in 2006, I had been living in southern California for a year and was preparing to return to the east coast. I had taken the GRE and considered applying to several graduate programs, but couldn’t find anything I loved enough. I ended up moving to DC that fall, where I stayed for the next seven years.

On the surface, my life is very similar to last June when I turned 35: I have the same job, own the same car, live in the same house. I still read a lot, and try to live as minimally as possible.

Some things have changed in the past year: I have two additional nephews (which makes five total). I became a pescetarian (my husband and I eat entirely vegetarian at home but occasionally consume seafood in restaurant/social settings). I joined a CSA last summer and renewed our membership this year, so our veggie consumption rises pretty dramatically when those deliveries arrive. I bought a compost bin and plan to set it up in the backyard (I’ve been composting since last summer but previously took all the waste material to my in-laws’ house – their bin is getting full so we’re starting our own).

I wouldn’t say I have any grand goals for the next year, nor have I made a new list of things I’d like to accomplish. I’d like to take a vacation outside the United States, as I haven’t traveled internationally since 2010. (Well, I’ve been to Canada. But that doesn’t really count, because I live in Buffalo, which means I can leave my house and cross the Canadian border in about 15 minutes.)

Also, I know I talk all the time about getting rid of stuff in my house, but there is always more I could do. My goal is to be able to look at my possessions and say, “I only own things that I need or love.” I’ve come a really long way, but I’m not quite there yet.

IMG_20160401_093903872_HDR

Books

Books Read in May 2016

I read 5 books in May (one was an audiobook), which brings my 2016 total to 42.

I started reading this book in May but decided not to finish it:

  • Amsterdam: A History of the World’s Most Liberal City, Russell Shorto
    I lived in Amsterdam for five months in 2004 while I did a college semester abroad, and I’ve held a soft spot for the city ever since. The American-born author started out talking about his personal experience living in Amsterdam, which I thoroughly enjoyed, but then he delved into stuff that happened back in the 1500s and 1600s and I was like, “Ahhhh! Too much dense history!” So I stopped reading it. But it does make me want to explore books about the Netherlands that maybe aren’t so history-focused.

I rank my books with these categories: Highly Recommended, Recommended, Okay, and Not Recommended.

twelve

Recommended

1) Twelve by Twelve: A One-Room Cabin Off the Grid and Beyond the American Dream, William Powers

Description: Why would a successful American physician choose to live in a 12-by-12-foot cabin without running water or electricity? To find out, writer and activist Powers visited Dr. Jackie Benton in rural North Carolina. A creek gurgled through Benton’s permaculture farm, and she stroked honeybees’ wings as she shared her philosophy of living on a planet in crisis. Powers, just back from a decade of international aid work, accepted Benton’s offer to stay at the cabin for a season while she traveled. There, he befriended her eclectic neighbors — organic farmers, biofuel brewers, eco-developers — and discovered a sustainable but imperiled way of life.

There aren’t many people who want to spend so much time in solitude — at least not in a tiny house without the comforts of electricity and running water. Powers would spend hours upon hours walking through the woods or sitting by a creek. He had visitors and sometimes spent time with neighbors, but he was by himself a majority of his stay.

You’d think that wouldn’t leave a lot to write about, but you would be wrong. Now I’m interested to read his followup book, New Slow City: Living Simply in the World’s Fastest City (where he sets out to live a similarly minimalist life in the heart of New York City instead of rural North Carolina). Since I just finished reading Green Metropolis, I know it’s possible.

2) Street Smart: The Rise of Cities and the Fall of Cars, Samuel I. Schwartz

Description: In this clear and erudite presentation of the principles of smart transportation and sustainable urban planning—from the simplest cobblestoned street to the brave new world of driverless cars and trains—Schwartz combines rigorous historical scholarship with the personal and entertaining recollections of a man who has spent more than 40 years working on planning intelligent transit networks in New York City. Street Smart is a book for everyone who wants to know more about the who, what, when, where, and why of human mobility.

I enjoy reading about smart cities and what kinds of things cities are doing to make their locations more desirable as places to walk and cycle. There are huge environmental and health benefits to limiting automobile use.

3) Witches of America, Alex Mar

Description: Mar explores Paganism and the occult, from its roots in 1950s England to its current American mecca in the Bay Area; from a gathering of more than a thousand witches in the Illinois woods to the New Orleans branch of one of the world’s most influential magical societies. She takes part in dozens of rituals, some vast and some intimate, alongside all sorts of people. Throughout, she asks the central question: Why do we choose to believe in anything at all?

I’m not interested in witchcraft on a personal basis, but reading about other people’s level of involvement was pretty eye-opening. The author, a self-described “overeducated liberal, a feminist, a skeptic long suspicious of organized religion” immersed herself in the subject for years — the original purpose was to make a documentary, which she did, but she continued exploring the occult for years afterward and gives a good overview of the branches she came into contact with. (Apparently there are a lot of branches, more than I ever would have guessed.)

4) Alligator Candy: A Memoir, David Kushner

Description: David grew up in the early 1970s in the Florida suburbs. One morning in 1973, David’s older brother Jon biked through the forest to the convenience store for candy, and never returned. Every life has a defining moment, a single act that charts the course we take and determines who we become. For Kushner, it was Jon’s murder—a tragedy that shocked his family and the community at large. Decades later, David found himself unsatisfied with his own memories and decided to revisit the episode a different way: through the eyes of a reporter. His investigation brought him back to the places and people he once knew and slowly made him realize just how much his past had affected his present.

When you’re only four years old when your brother is murdered, it makes sense you wouldn’t remember many details of what happened. Kushner conducts interviews and extensive research to recreate the story in a very personal, interesting, and heartfelt way.

Okay

5) Paris: A Love Story, Kati Marton

Description: In this honest and candid memoir, award-winning journalist and author Kati Marton narrates an impassioned and romantic story of love, loss, and life after loss. At every stage of her life, Marton finds beauty and excitement in Paris.

This was a nice story but not one I was particularly interested in. I couldn’t help feeling animosity toward her when she admitted to cheating on both of her husbands (news anchor Peter Jennings and ambassador Richard Holbrooke). Even though it was a small part of the story and both men apparently forgave her, I don’t like reading about infidelity, or watching movies where it’s a theme. If she had chosen not to share it, I wouldn’t have rated the book any higher, but I would have thought more of her as a person.

Books

Books Read in April 2016

I read 10 books in April (three were audiobooks), which brings my 2016 total to 37.

These are the books I started reading in April but decided not to finish:

  • Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s, John Elder Robison
    I got almost halfway through this book before I put it down. I kept hoping the author’s endless tales of boyhood shenanigans would stop and he’d address how he deals with Asperger’s in his adult life. I’m sure he must have moved on at some point, but I got impatient and abandoned it.
  • Why Catholics Are Right, Michael Coren
    My husband is Catholic so I thought I’d see what this author had to say about it. The first chapter was interesting, but then Cohen started in on the history of the Crusades and in-depth theology which I wasn’t at all interested in (to be fair, I’d feel the same about any dry religious tome; not just one on Catholicism).

I rank my books with these categories: Highly Recommended, Recommended, Okay, and Not Recommended.

metropolis

Recommended

1) Green Metropolis: Why Living Smaller, Living Closer, and Driving Less Are the Keys to Sustainability, David Owen

Description: Most Americans think of crowded cities as ecological nightmares. Yet residents of compact urban centers individually consume less oil, electricity, and water than other Americans. They live in smaller spaces, discard less trash, and, most important of all, spend far less time in automobiles. Owen contends the environmental problem we face, at the current stage of our assault on the world’s nonrenewable resources, is not how to make teeming cities more like the countryside. The problem is how to make other settled places more like Manhattan, whose residents presently come closer than any other Americans to meeting environmental goals that all of us will eventually have to come to terms with.

Just like when reading about hoarding made me want to immediately throw out most of my possessions, this book made me want to move into an apartment building in a densely-populated city. The author makes a strong case about how city living is much more environmentally friendly than living in the wilderness (or even a suburb). A big reason? Living far away from work, grocery stores, schools, and other common resources requires you to drive long distances on a regular basis, and apart from the cost of fuel – which is kept artificially low – our oil reserves won’t last forever.

I do have to point out the author’s hypocrisy, and I’m not the first to do so. He preaches city living while residing in a 3-story, 200-year-old house in rural Connecticut. His explanation (that he and his wife are writers so they don’t have a daily commute; if he moved away someone else would just move in, which that doesn’t solve the existing environmental problems) doesn’t seem very strong. I feel he’d be a much better role model if he lived what he’s recommending to others. Still…it’s a good book!

2) Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion, Elizabeth L. Cline

Description: Cheap fashion has fundamentally changed the way most Americans dress. We have little reason to keep wearing and repairing the clothes we already own when styles change so fast and it’s cheaper to just buy more. Cline sets out to uncover the true nature of the cheap fashion juggernaut. What are we doing with all these cheap clothes? And more important, what are they doing to us, our society, our environment, and our economic well-being?

Written from the perspective of someone who used to buy a lot of cheap clothing without thinking about it, the author decided to educate herself on where her clothes come from, why they’re so cheap, and how the entire fashion industry has changed in a relatively short period of time. Very interesting and informative. It will definitely make you rethink your purchasing decisions.

3) Agnostic: A Spirited Manifesto, Lesley Hazleton

Description: Hazleton gives voice to the case for agnosticism, breaks it free of its stereotypes as watered-down atheism or amorphous “seeking,” and celebrates it as a reasoned, revealing, and sustaining stance toward life. Stepping over the lines imposed by rigid conviction, she draws on philosophy, theology, psychology, and science to explore the vital role of mystery in a deceptively information-rich world; to ask what we mean by the search for meaning; to invoke the humbling yet elating perspective of infinity; to challenge received ideas about death; and to reconsider what “the soul” might be.

I found myself wishing this book had more personal anecdotes (it’s a bit more dense and scholarly than I expected). However, I did enjoy it, and would recommend it to others. Even people who have a firm belief in a god can benefit from reading other people’s viewpoints.

Back when I was growing up in a religious household, the concept of living forever in heaven was difficult for me to grasp, and it didn’t seem all that appealing. I liked what Hazleton had to say: “For myself, I have no intention of only half-living this life in anticipation of a hypothetical next one. I want to live my life as well and as fully as I can. […] The last thing I would ever want is to have no end, to find myself adrift in the horizonless expanse of eternity. I want, that is, to live the mortal life I have.”

4) Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology, Leah Remini

Description: Indoctrinated into Scientology as a child, Remini eventually moved to Los Angeles, where her dreams of becoming an actress and advancing Scientology’s causes grew increasingly intertwined. As an adult, she found the success she’d worked so hard for, and with it a prominent place in the hierarchy of celebrity Scientologists alongside people such as Tom Cruise. But when she began to raise questions about some of the church’s actions, she found herself a target. Remini loudly and publicly broke away from the church in 2013.

I didn’t know anything about Leah Remini before reading this book (I never watched “The King of Queens”), and I had already read two very interesting books about Scientology (Going Clear and Beyond Belief) previous to this one, so I wasn’t planning to add this to my list. I changed my mind when I found this review on The Book Wheel and was immediately intrigued.

I had no idea Remini was involved with Scientology for 30 years before she left the organization in 2013; she gave them a big part of her life and many millions of dollars. Fascinating read.

5) My Father, the Pornographer, Chris Offutt

Description: When Andrew Offutt died, his son Chris inherited 1800 pounds of pornographic fiction, including 400 novels of pornography written by his father in the 1970s and 1980s. As Chris began to examine his father’s manuscripts, memorabilia, journals, and letters, he realized he finally had an opportunity to gain insight into the difficult, mercurial, sometimes cruel man he’d loved and feared in equal measure.

This is a story about Offutt’s father, but it also involves his mother, and the author’s own memoir. It was interesting to read about his childhood even though it obviously wasn’t a pleasant situation in which to be raised. It seems the pornographer father – who wrote hundreds of short stories and novels over his 50-year career – successfully hid most of his deepest dark predilections until his death, but he did that by closing his office door and retreating from his family.

While the author said his motivation for going through his father’s 1800 pounds of writing and research material was to get to know him better, the long process seemed to do more harm than good. He spent months combing through his father’s hardcore pornography, depressing himself (and his libido) simultaneously, but in the end he put all the material into storage.

What else should he have done with it? I don’t know, but it did make me question the immense amount of time he spent categorizing the material.

6) Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town, Jon Krakauer

Description: Acclaimed journalist Krakauer investigates a spate of campus rapes that occurred in Missoula over a four-year period. Taking the town as a case study for a crime that is prevalent throughout the nation, Krakauer documents the experiences of five victims: their fear and self-doubt in the aftermath; the skepticism directed at them by police, prosecutors, and the public; their bravery in pushing forward and what it cost them.

There were a lot of people in this book, which sometimes made it difficult to keep all the names straight. But just like every other work of Krakauer’s I’ve read, it was extensively researched and attention grabbing.

7) Men Explain Things To Me, Rebecca Solnit

Description: In her essay “Men Explain Things to Me,” Solnit took on what often goes wrong in conversations between men and women. She wrote about men who wrongly assume they know things and wrongly assume women don’t, why this arises, and how this aspect of the gender wars works. This book adds six essays, including an examination doubt and ambiguity, an inquiry into marriage equality, and a terrifying survey of the scope of contemporary violence against women.

I put this on my list after Jaclyn recommended it; she said it was “incredible and distressing and should be required reading for everyone.” In addition to the title essay (which has been credited with inspiring the term mansplaining), Solnit touches on the pandemic of violence against women, same-sex marriage, the historical subjugation of women, and reproductive rights. There were a few essays I wasn’t interested in (like the one on Virginia Woolf), but as a whole, it’s worth checking out.

Okay

8) The Lake House, Kate Morton

Description: In 1933, after a party drawing hundreds of guests to their estate, the Edevanes discover their youngest child, 11-month-old Theo, has vanished. The tragedy tears the family apart. Decades later, Theo’s sister Alice is living in London, having enjoyed a successful career as an author, while Sadie Sparrow, a detective in the London police force, is staying at her grandfather’s house in Cornwall. While out walking, she stumbles upon the old Edevane estate—now crumbling and covered with vines, clearly abandoned long ago. Her curiosity is sparked, setting off a series of events that will bring her and Alice together and reveal shocking truths about a past long gone.

I had every intention of rating this book as Recommended (I flew through it in just a few days, and there are over 500 pages) up until I reached the final few chapters.

What I liked: the story was told from the perspectives of many different people, and the conflicting hypotheses of “what really happened that night” were slowly debunked as the book ran its course. I didn’t guess the ending at all until the author decided it was time to put it out there.

What I didn’t like: I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a work of fiction that wrapped up every single loose end with a pretty pink bow. One or two positive resolutions would have been acceptable, but by the time I reached the end, the author had taken me from eagerly working my way through the chapters, to rolling my eyes. It was laughable (not in a good way) and completely unrealistic.

This is the first Kate Morton book I’ve read, and I expected more from someone who has written multiple bestsellers and sold millions of copies.

9) The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon, David Grann

Description: In 1925, legendary British explorer Percy Fawcett ventured into the Amazon jungle in search of a fabled civilization. He never returned. Over the years, countless people have perished trying to find evidence of what happened. Journalist Grann interweaves the spellbinding stories of Fawcett’s quest for the lost city of Z, along with his own journey into the deadly jungle, as he unravels the greatest exploration mystery of the twentieth century.

This book has been on my potential to-do list for years. I finally checked it out of the library on audiobook and listened to it over a few weeks. There were some parts I liked, but the problem was I was more interested in the present-day author’s journey to the Amazon than Percy Fawcett’s extensive history.

10) Raising the Barre: Big Dreams, False Starts, and My Midlife Quest to Dance the Nutcracker, Lauren Kessler

Description: When Lauren was twelve, her ballet instructor crushed not just her dreams of being a ballerina but also her youthful self-assurance. Now, many decades and three children later, Kessler embarks on a journey to join a professional company to perform in The Nutcracker.

I admire the author’s dedication to her goal, and I enjoyed reading about the lives and backgrounds of the professional dancers she came in contact with. However, there was too much space dedicated to the self-help books she read, the results of various online personality tests she took, her experience in various exercise classes, and waaaaaay too much about how she acquired her stage makeup (complete with brand names). All this extra fluff made it seem like she was desperately trying to fill up space in her book.

Home

Why I’m Having Second Thoughts About Homeownership

My husband and I have been homeowners for almost a year and a half. I do not dislike our home, nor do I entirely lament its purchase. I simply recognize there have been pros and cons since we took on our mortgage, and there are certain aspects of the decision I wish we’d thought through a bit more in advance.

Before sitting down to create a list of homeownership pros and cons, I had a conversation with my husband. As we talked, a thought came to me that I’d never considered before: Since we both aspire to travel long-term, for me, homeownership symbolizes complacency.

I don’t mean we’re being complacent in an immediate sense. It’s advantageous for us to be where we are right now. We like living in Buffalo. We like being so close to, and having a relationship with, Paul’s family. We’re saving money which will ultimately end up funding our future grand adventures, whatever they may be.

When I compare homeownership with complacency, what I mean is, for me personally (this isn’t a judgment about your house or how long you choose to live in a certain place), if I’m still living in our house past the time I think we should have moved on, I will feel I have become complacent. My goal is to see more of the United States, and a lot more of this planet, than I have up to this point.

I’ll expand on these thoughts after I talk about our initial rationale for the home purchase, as well as some of the positives and negatives we’ve experienced.

New House 1

**********************************

Not long ago, my husband and I drove by a building where we almost rented an apartment, back when we still lived in DC and were searching for a place to live in Buffalo. We ended up choosing a townhouse to rent instead, which was aesthetically desirable but plagued with issues that caused us to want to leave as soon as we arrived. (When we opened the door on move-in day, haven given several months advance notice, the supposedly professionally-managed abode was filthy. Absolutely, disgustingly filthy. And our experience just went downhill from there.)

We’ve lamented more than once that we didn’t go with the first apartment, which was newly renovated but architecturally bland. I’ve often thought that if we hadn’t been itching to get out of the townhouse as soon as our lease expired, we might not have been so eager to buy a house. We’ll never know for sure.

What we did instead – as a married couple in our mid-thirties, with good jobs, enough savings for a down payment, residing in a city with affordable real estate – was start looking for a house to buy rather than sign a lease on yet another rental.

**********************************

Positives

Suitability: We made a good decision where appearance and size is concerned. I like the style of the home, and I’ve always been partial to brick. We have just under 1500 sq ft, with three bedrooms and 1.5 bathrooms, which is more than enough (and sometimes can even feel like too much) space for us. Also, the previous owner upgraded the kitchen and bathrooms, so we don’t have any large, costly interior renovations to undertake anytime soon.

New House 3

Driveway: After many years of parallel parking on city streets, having our own driveway is something we don’t take for granted. I can park right beside my door to bring in groceries! No more circling crowded streets, praying for someone to exit!

Privacy: We no longer share walls with strangers living directly above, below, or beside us. Not having to listen to other people go about their daily lives – or worry we’re creating our own disturbance – is a wonderful thing.

Proximity to in-laws: Although I don’t like being farther from work, our home is much closer to Paul’s parents, which is super convenient. We visit each other regularly; they run over to grab our CSA deliveries when we’re out of town; Paul checks in on their cats when they’re on vacation.

Ability to change things: As a renter, I’d sometimes say how nice it would be to paint a wall without having to worry about changing it back before I left. I’ve put this in the positive category because technically we could paint if we want to…but guess how many walls we’ve changed since we moved in? Zero. The walls are neutral shades and I’m fine with them. Painting is a chore and I’d rather read a book or go for a walk.

Negatives

Ongoing repairs and maintenance: This category has been the biggest pain, both financially and mentally. In the past 17 months since we closed on our home, we’ve taken an additional $20k or so from our savings account to spend on repairs and upgrades. We knew about two of those things before purchasing the house: we needed a new furnace (which was verified when the super-old model kept breaking down during a freezing winter), and the aging roof needed to be replaced.

When we bought the furnace, we also added central air conditioning because it’s cheaper to buy the units at the same time. That’s the only thing we’ve added which technically wasn’t required.

We thought we were done for a while. But then our basement started to flood during heavy rainfall. To stop that from happening, we paid a company to dig trenches in our front yard and lay pipes in the ground to divert excess groundwater out to the street. (Our basement hasn’t flooded since, so that expense was totally worth it.)

We were just congratulating ourselves on how much lower our house expenditures should be in 2016 when several rows of aluminum siding started to peel off (most of our house is brick, but there is some siding on the upper left and right sides of the house). The same day the siding repair was made, our hot water heater stopped working and required a replacement part.

We’re fortunate to have the resources to pay for these repairs and upgrades. It’s just…annoying. We’d much prefer to keep our money instead of pouring it into our house.

Trenches

Smaller repairs: In addition to those things we had to do, there are things that should be done at some point but we haven’t gotten around to them yet (fixing a bathroom faucet; adding a dimmer switch to the dining room; repairing the ceiling in the master bedroom, which had some moisture damage before the roof was replaced).

If you haven’t already guessed, we are not particularly handy when it comes to doing our own home repairs. Some people enjoy tackling these things and saving a ton of money while they’re at it. While I would like to be that way, I’ve accepted I am not. We’ve done a few things on our own, but undertaking large home improvement projects isn’t something either of us enjoys.

Yard work: Paul takes care of mowing the grass, and I pitch in with snow shoveling and leaf raking. I had been a renter since I moved out on my own at age 17, so before we bought our house it had been a very long time since I’d participated in any type of yard maintenance. Especially when it comes to snow shoveling, being responsible for our sidewalks and driveway is a necessary evil; something to get through, not something we would do if given the choice.

Location: When we rented our downtown apartment, I was close enough to work that I was able to walk (often returning home for lunch breaks as well), which I sorely miss. Now both of our workplaces are farther from home; Paul takes the car, and I utilize public transportation (which I vastly prefer to having to drive myself, especially in the snowy winter months – plus, I can read a book during the commute). Our stay in downtown Buffalo was the only time I’ve ever been able to walk to work, and since I haven’t found a job yet that allows me to work from home full time, being in such close proximity to the workplace was definitely the next-best thing. I very much miss my 10-minute-by-foot commute.

Financial: Given the amount of money we’ve already spent on repairs (which doesn’t include other stuff that’s bound to come up over the next few years), I strongly doubt we’ll recoup the amount of money we’ve put into this house when we move. We don’t have plans to move anytime soon, but home values in our neighborhood have been pretty stable over the years; they aren’t expected to spike so much that we’d make a large enough profit to offset the cost of repairs.

**********************************

While I have an equal number of items in each category, I feel many of the negatives outweigh the positives. There are things I really like about our house (a private driveway, not sharing walls), but we could have obtained those same advantages by renting a single-family home instead of another apartment.

Was there excitement involved in becoming a first-time homeowner? Yes. However, the novelty wears off quickly (I can track my deflating happiness with homeownership to the first time our basement flooded). It turns out I really like having a landlord come over and fix whatever’s gone wrong.

Paul and I have spent hours calling, meeting with, and receiving quotes from various home contractors – and that doesn’t include all the instances I’ve left work early to let them in the house. When I lived in an apartment, maintenance workers would let themselves in during the day and my issue would be fixed by the time I got home.

In hindsight, it’s not the act of owning a house that I needed. I just needed to find a space more suited to what I was looking for.

**********************************

If I look past all the obvious advantages and disadvantages of owning a home, what I see is a structure that requires me to stay in one place. As a renter, I always had the option to leave, and I exercised that right often. In the past 19 years since I left my rural Virginia hometown, I’ve called 18 different places home.

Many people value having a stable place to live, somewhere they can put down roots. But for me, I’ve always found the prospect of a new home exciting. To live in the same house – or even the same town – for the rest of my life has never been a goal I’ve striven for.

If you told me to pack a single suitcase that I’d need to live out of for a year so I could travel to various places around the world, I would welcome it. In fact, it would pretty much be the most exciting thing I could imagine.

I realize I’m in the minority. I know many people who still live in the same towns or cities where they were born, who have only left for short vacations or to attend college, and who plan to stay for the rest of their lives. I don’t think less of people who prioritize a single geographic location. In a way, I envy their contentedness. Feeling content with my life is something I’ve only ever experienced in fleeting moments.

Should you be a homeowner? That depends on your goals. If you can afford the down payment and plan to stay put for a long time, the decision could make sense. If you have a wandering spirit like myself, you may want to stick to renting.

Books

Books Read in March 2016

I read seven books in March (one was an audiobook), which brings my 2016 total to 27.

These are the books I started reading in March but decided not to finish:

I rank my books with these categories: Highly Recommended, Recommended, Okay, and Not Recommended.

stuff

Recommended

1) Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things, Randy Frost & Gail Steketee

Description: Frost and Steketee were the first to study hoarding; they expected to find a few sufferers but ended up treating hundreds of patients and fielding thousands of calls. Now they explore the compulsion through a series of compelling case studies. They also illuminate the pull that possessions exert on all of us. Whether we’re savers, collectors, or compulsive cleaners, none of us is free of the impulses that drive hoarders to the extremes in which they live.

Hoarding intrigues me because it’s so clearly the opposite of my personality. I also realize I wouldn’t be a good therapist for hoarders trying to change their ways — their process is way too slow (I’d want them to get started immediately, throw that out, you don’t need it, why are you keeping that, you’ll never look at that again…you get the idea) and many of them backslide.

With all the studies that have been done on hoarding, it makes me wonder if there have been any studies on minimalism (probably not, since hoarding possessions is considered a disorder, while getting rid of possessions is not). Unsurprisingly, reading about people collecting vast piles of junk made me want to go through my belongings and get rid of even more than I already have.

Okay

2) The Rite: The Making of a Modern Exorcist, Matt Baglio

Description: Father Gary Thomas was working as a parish priest in California when church leaders asked him to train in the rite of exorcism. In Rome, as an apprentice to a veteran Italian exorcist, his eyes were opened to a darker side of the Catholic faith, and he came to see the battle between good and evil as never before. Journalist Matt Baglio had full access to Father Gary over the course of his training, and the story he found reveals that the phenomena of possession, demons, the Devil, and exorcism are not merely a remnant of the archaic past, but remain a fearsome power in many people’s lives even today.

This wasn’t a subject I had advance interest in, but when I came across the book, the concept seemed interesting. Exorcist training and exorcisms are still happening around the world, although they tend to be concentrated in certain areas (they’re especially prevalent in Italy, for example). I wasn’t enthralled by this book, but I liked that it was written by a journalist, and it contained a fair amount of information I didn’t know before.

3) When Breath Becomes Air, Dr. Paul Kalanithi

Description: At the age of 36, on the verge of completing a decade’s worth of training as a neurosurgeon, Kalanithi was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. One day he was a doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient struggling to live. This book chronicles Kalanithi’s transformation from a naïve medical student, into a neurosurgeon at Stanford working in the brain, and finally into a patient and new father confronting his own mortality.

I didn’t rate this book so low because of the subject matter (a very smart man is diagnosed with cancer and dies less than two years later). While he’s an admirable guy, I just wasn’t interested in reading about his life (childhood, medical training, living through his diagnosis). To me, the most moving part was the epilogue – written by his wife – where she recapped her husband’s final days and hours.

4) Between the World and Me, Ta-Nehisi Coates

Description: Coates offers a powerful new framework for understanding our nation’s history and current crisis. Americans have built an empire on the idea of “race,” a falsehood that damages us all but falls most heavily on the bodies of black women and men. What is it like to inhabit a black body and find a way to live within it? And how can we all honestly reckon with this fraught history and free ourselves from its burden?

I wanted to be able to recommend this book because everyone else loves it. However, while I liked some of it, and found other parts poignant, I was bored by a lot of it and spent too much time re-reading sentences, attempting to figure out what he was trying to say. Unsurprisingly, my favorite part was when he obtained his first passport at age 37 and went to Paris.

5) Have a Nice Doomsday: Why Millions of Americans Are Looking Forward to the End of the World, Nicholas Guyatt

Description: Guyatt searches for the truth behind a startling statistic: 50 million Americans have come to believe that the apocalypse will take place in their lifetime. They’re convinced that any day now, Jesus will snatch up his followers and spirit them to heaven. The rest of us will be left behind to endure massive earthquakes, devastating wars, and the terrifying rise of the Antichrist. Bizarre, funny, and unsettling in equal measure, Guyatt uncovers the apocalyptic obsessions at the heart of the world’s only superpower.

Having grown up in a religious family (a way of life I later rejected), I’m all too aware of doomsday predictions and other scare tactics. Some parts of this book were hard to read because I recognize the language of Rapture prophecy and have bad memories. After all, having a preacher yell about how you’re destined to go to hell is a great way to ensure you adequately prepare yourself for the unknown. (Sarcasm.)

I wanted to like this more than I did, but it gets a little dense sometimes with biblical history; I preferred the parts where the author focused on his modern explorations and interviews. I also would’ve liked to hear more about everyday people who believe the Rapture is going to happen, instead of just well-known Doomsday dudes like John Hagee and Tim LaHaye. The author’s consensus: “It’s undeniable that Bible prophecy writers both feed upon and encourage anxieties about where we’re heading.”

I also liked this quote from the book: “Most of the prophecy enthusiasts I’ve spoken with have one big limitation: they haven’t successfully managed to predict anything, in spite of their claims that the Bible foretells the future.”

6) Good Chinese Wife: A Love Affair with China Gone Wrong, Susan Blumberg-Kason

Description: When Susan, a shy Midwesterner in love with Chinese culture, started graduate school in Hong Kong, she quickly fell for Cai, the Chinese man of her dreams. As they exchanged vows, Susan thought she’d stumbled into an exotic fairy tale, until she realized Cai―and his culture―where not what she thought. In her memoir, Susan recounts her struggle to be the perfect traditional “Chinese” wife to her increasingly controlling and abusive husband.

This woman annoyed me because of what she put up with for way too long. She was cowed by her husband; afraid to speak up. She contracted an STD; he denied cheating on her and she accepted that answer. He was volatile, extremely unreasonable, and did pretty much whatever he wanted without her saying anything. She finally left him but not before the book started to seem unnecessarily long.

7) An Appetite for Wonder: The Making of a Scientist, Richard Dawkins

Description: A disarming account of world-famous evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins’s early life, from his childhood in colonial East Africa to the writing of one of the twentieth century’s seminal works, The Selfish Gene.

The good: Dawkins has no problem making fun of himself; he shares embarrassing stories from his early life growing up in Africa, and later, British private schools. The bad: Once he enters grad school, there’s a lot of in-depth explanation of his studies and experiments, and how he arrived at the theories that led him to write The Selfish Gene. I enjoyed the first half of the book, but I found the latter half a bit too technical for my liking.

Random Friday

Random Friday, Ver. 118

I was in DC earlier this month for a long weekend. As always, I packed my schedule full of friends I wanted to see and had a grand time. Whenever I go back for a visit, I find myself asking, “Why did I ever leave?” But then I have to sternly remind myself that when I’m there as a visitor, of course it’s fun – I’m not headed off to a cubicle job, fighting a rush-hour Metro commute, circling endlessly to find free street parking, or paying rent on an old, unrenovated apartment that costs twice what our mortgage does.

Yes, DC is where my best friends are and I miss them dearly. But the reason I like it better now than I did when I lived there is because it’s an escape. I no longer have to deal with the negative aspects and instead I get to reap the benefits: friends who rearrange their schedules to hang out with me, using public transportation during hours when it’s not busy, strolling past the White House on my way somewhere else, popping into a free museum just because I happen to be walking by and have a bit of time to kill.

I will always love DC, but the reason I’m able to look at the city with such fondness is because I left.

(Renwick Gallery, March 2016)

Renwick Gallery

***************************************

Currently Reading: Have a Nice Doomsday: Why Millions of Americans Are Looking Forward to the End of the World, by Nicholas Guyatt.

Currently Watching: I rented Suffragette from the library, which is about British women campaigning for the right to vote. I knew the right to vote was a struggle, but I never knew there was such underhanded efforts by men to keep it from happening (like doing undercover surveillance to discover what those dangerous women were up to). It was pretty intense: multiple arrests, hunger strikes, violence, bombs, suicide. Very interesting, and superbly acted by Carey Mulligan.

Currently Cooking: We’re celebrating Easter a day early tomorrow and having a meal with my in-laws and some friends. I’m contributing Southwestern Salsa and Black Rice Salad with Edamame, Walnuts & Lemon Vinaigrette.

***************************************

Favorite Links:

Doing a TED Talk – The Full Story. A TED presenter decides to do his talk on procrastination after he, well…procrastinates about preparing for his presentation. This article is a bit long, but also funny (the graphics are not to be missed). It’s also an interesting look at how people who need to give a very public 18-minute talk go about preparing.

Why I’m Returning to My Maiden Name. Emily decided to legally return to her maiden name after using her husband’s last name for several years after getting married. I thought it was interesting, especially since the decision to change my own last name wasn’t one I took lightly (and was certainly not a definite, like it is for a lot of women).

2020 Vision. Janet puts herself on an allowance and resolves to pay off her six-figure student loan debt by 2020.

Make Money & Travel. I enjoyed reading my way through these stories of people who make a living while traveling around the United States.

Open Letter to the Guy Who Refuses to be the Sole Breadwinner. I’ve read Penelope Trunk for many years, and she’s usually interesting, if a bit divisive (she also tends to stereotype a bit, as you can see in this post). I’m pretty sure we all know women who would continue to work even if they didn’t need the second income.

***************************************

From the Archives:

One year ago: My 20 Favorite Books About Religion (or the Lack Thereof)

Eight years ago: Q is for Quarterlife.”My quarterlife crisis was all about searching. I spent many hours on the internet, looking at career options, reading about people who had made big, life-changing decisions. I wanted to know how and why they ended up where they did.”

Thirteen years ago: Who Am I? It’s nice to know that even back then, I identified as a minimalist. “I guess I consider myself a minimalist. I don’t like a lot of clutter and I try not to keep too many unnecessary things. I don’t hold on to knick-knacks unless they’re from my childhood, and I’ve never collected anything.”

Random Friday

Random Friday, Ver. 117

Downsizing: In the spirit of minimalism, Paul and I spent a few hours last weekend taking pictures and creating listings on eBay and Craigslist. I like that we’re able to downsize our possessions gradually as the mood strikes (usually the mood strikes me, but Paul approves of my efforts, especially when he sees the cash roll in).

We made $1,125 from Craigslist in 2015. A big chunk of that ($550) came from selling a washer/dryer that the previous owners of our house left in the basement — we already owned a newer set so we didn’t need theirs.

***************************************

Bullet Journals: While I understand that some people prefer paper calendars and planners over electronic versions, I don’t get the appeal of bullet journals. They seem very labor intensive. Why would I want to constantly hand-copy items from one page to another? Also, when the journal is full, it gets put in a stack, or lined up on a shelf – it’s just something else that takes up space.

Some people use a bullet journal as a type of scrapbook, capturing movie stubs, airline tickets, and other memorabilia. I don’t save those things, so I have no use for a receptacle to store them. I put those bits of paper in the trash. I record the outings on my electronic calendar instead, where I’m able to recall memories of the event just as easily as if I were to look at something physical.

My preference is Google Calendar, which I’ve used religiously for the past seven years. I access it on computers as well as my phone. In addition to recording future appointments and setting up recurring reminders, I also use it for:

  • Meal planning: Since 2012, I’ve kept track of every single recipe I’ve made. Although there are many recipes I don’t utilize anymore – either I didn’t like them enough, or they no longer fit into our vegetarian lifestyle – I could provide you with complete recipes at any time, along with notes about any modifications I made. (I put the name of the recipe as the title of the calendar entry, and all the recipe detail and modification information goes in the body of the entry.) When I want to make a recipe again, I copy the information from a previous entry into a new one. When I make dinner at night, I simply pull up Google Calendar on my laptop and click the recipe for that day to access what I need.
  • Random information retrieval: I can’t access my personal Gmail account from work, but I can access Google Calendar. I’ll often copy things I come across and want to remember (articles to read, titles of books to research) into a new calendar entry so I can retrieve the information later. I also do this all the time on my phone. If I come across something I want to look up later, I make a note on my calendar. If Paul asks me to remind him about something, I’ll jot it down. So basically I often use my calendar as a notepad / task list, but when the items have been crossed off, I delete the entry from my calendar. No paper is involved.
  • Searching for past events: One of the biggest advantages of an electronic calendar is being able to quickly find what you’re looking for. Rather than flipping through endless pages in a paper planner, I can find out in seconds when I last made a specific meal, or had dinner with a particular friend, or visited a certain museum.

***************************************

Paul’s eye surgery went great. He diligently followed the prescription-eyedrops regimen, he’s had two follow-up appointments, and everything appears to be healing nicely. This is the very last photo of him wearing his glasses before they were donated:

Last time with glasses

***************************************

Currently Reading: Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things, by Randy Frost & Gail Steketee. It’s fascinating to read about people who are so completely opposite from me.

Currently Watching: I knew pretty much nothing about the Beach Boys, but Love and Mercy was super interesting (Brian Wilson was controlled by a crazy psychologist!).

Currently Cooking: A meal that I return to over and over again is Cauliflower Pasta Puttanesca. Recently I’ve started making it even easier on myself and using frozen cauliflower instead of chopping fresh florets. I just make the sauce and once it boils, I add a l-pound bag of cauliflower. Once it’s thawed and heated through, the sauce is ready to go. Simple and delicious.

***************************************

Favorite Links:

None of them were “bad” guys. They usually aren’t. Rebecca Woolf wrote a powerful piece about various forms of sexual assault she’s experienced. She makes the point that boys aren’t always to blame, and gives reasons why. I was particularly interested when she mentioned being assaulted by a male friend; she pretended to be asleep and continued to be his friend afterward, never confronting him about it. I had something similar happen to me, which I haven’t thought about in a long time: when I was in my late teens, I attended a party, got really drunk (and physically sick), and fell asleep in a male friend’s bed. Later, I woke up when I felt his hands on me. I started moving around to let him know I was awake and must have said something along the lines of “Stop” or “No,” because he left me alone (which was lucky for me, because I wasn’t in good shape to fight back). I never said anything about it, we went on being friends like nothing had happened, and he never tried anything again. I’m sure many women have examples like this.

15 Lessons I Learned from Traveling Around the World: Since I dream of living overseas, I enjoyed this list (particularly #1 – Continuous travel is so much cheaper than living “real” life).

A Couple Bought An Abandoned French Chateau From The 1700s: Have you guys heard about this renovation? I’ve been following along with the progress and would love to see it in person one day.

How Netflix Reverse-Engineered Hollywood: A long but entertaining read, primarily focused on how Netflix created their micro-genres.

What is Sustainable Fashion? First, Fabrics. This blogger is the one who introduced me to the documentary I mentioned in the last Random Friday post, The True Cost (available on Netflix). Her post has some great tips for people looking to make more ethical clothing choices, and it’s not just about buying brand new. Remember: “We can stop buying new altogether, sticking with second-hand/vintage, or simply not adding anything else to our wardrobes, wearing and taking care of what’s already in our closets. We can re-use what we have, tailoring things to fit, coming up with innovative ways to wear things we already own. And we can simply get by with less; we can have less, buy less.”

***************************************

From the Archives:

Three years ago: 10 Reasons to Move to a Rust Belt City. “When it comes to Buffalo’s architecture, my favorite examples are the homes. There are a ton of houses in the city which are over 100 years old — they’re gorgeous. They have a history and character that’s impossible to find in newer structures.”

Six years ago: I’m Turning 30 and I’m Okay With It. This was written three months in advance of my thirtieth birthday. “Of course there are a number of things I wish I would have done by now that I haven’t, but those are my own expectations. I don’t feel burdened by anyone else’s thoughts about where I should be or what I should have accomplished by now.”

Seven years ago: I’m Discontent and Trying to Get Over It. “Dissatisfied, moody, depressed, overly quiet, morose. There are many words and phrases one can use to describe a general state of discontentment. In my case, I am discontent when every day starts to feel exactly like the day which preceded it — walking the same routes, seeing the same things, being responsible for turning out the same results over and over again.”

Eight years ago: Change Your Life: Study Abroad. “After spending five months in a foreign country, I can say firsthand that it’s an entirely different experience to stay in an unfamiliar place for a long period of time, as opposed to spending just a few days. As nice as it is to spend a few days in a foreign city, it’s inevitable that you’ll feel rushed as you go from one thing to another, or you’ll leave something out because you just don’t have the time.”

Thirteen years ago: I Stole Reflectors. “When I was about 16 and hanging out with my girlfriends, for lack of anything more interesting to do, one of the girls came up with the notion to steal reflectors off the side of the road. (You know, those reflectors that come in colors of red or blue, round disks mounted on a metal stick and stuck in the ground.) These are used by a lot of people in the country to mark the top of their driveways. Since country roads don’t have street lights, reflectors are helpful so that you (or your visitors) won’t drive past one of those hidden driveways in the dark.”

Books

Books Read in February 2016

I read 10 books in February (two were audiobooks), which brings my 2016 total to 20.

These are the books I started reading in February but decided not to finish:

I rank my books with these categories: Highly Recommended, Recommended, Okay, and Not Recommended.

Ronson

Highly Recommended

1) So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed, Jon Ronson

Description: The shamed are people like us, people who made a joke on social media that came out badly or made a mistake at work. Once the transgression is revealed, collective outrage ensues and the next thing they know, they’re being torn apart by an angry mob, demonized, sometimes even fired from their job. A great renaissance of public shaming is sweeping our land. Justice has been democratized. We are mercilessly finding people’s faults. We are defining the boundaries of normality by ruining the lives of those outside it. We are using shame as a form of social control.

Confession: I heard about this book months and months ago but didn’t think I would like it. I’ve never been publicly shamed, so why would I want to read about what happens if that fate were to befall me? What is the author going to do, tell me how to avoid it?

When my husband expressed interest in reading the book, I checked out a physical copy for him and borrowed an electronic copy for myself. Once I started it, I flew through it.

The book’s title is catchy but also a little misleading. It turns out my assumptions were wrong. I should have known better, because I’ve read three other books by this author and always enjoyed them (The Psychopath Test, Them: Adventures with Extremists, and The Men Who Stare at Goats).

Ronson is the kind of person who chooses a subject but beats all around the bush looking at that subject from multiple angles that a regular person (like myself) would never think about. He also makes observations like this: “I think our natural disposition as humans is to plod along until we get old and stop.”

And if you’re like me, you’ll find yourself googling people he talked about in the book to see where they are now.

Recommended

2) Primates of Park Avenue: A Memoir, Wednesday Martin, PhD

Description: When Martin first arrives on New York City’s Upper East Side, she’s clueless about the right addresses, the right wardrobe, and the right schools, and she’s taken aback by the glamorous women around her. She feels unwelcome until she begins to look at her new niche through the lens of her academic background in anthropology. As she analyzes the tribe’s mating and migration patterns, childrearing practices, bonding rites, etc, she finds it easier to fit in and even enjoy her new life. Then one day, her world is turned upside down, and she finds out there’s much more to the women she’s secretly been calling Manhattan Geishas.

I’ve always had an interest in social research (I was a Sociology major in college), so I liked how the author looked at her Upper East Side neighborhood from an anthropological perspective. Rather than just being an observer, she fully participated in community norms — like buying a very pricey apartment, going through the extensive preschool application and interview process, and procuring a Birkin bag (which generally cost around $10k).

In the author’s words: “I learned that motherhood was another island upon the island of Manhattan, and that Upper East Side mothers were, in fact, a tribe apart. Theirs was a secret society of sorts, governed by rules, rituals, uniforms, and migration patterns that were entirely new to me, and subtended by beliefs, ambitions, and cultural practices I had never dreamed existed.”

3) How to Grow Up: A Memoir, Michelle Tea

Description: As an aspiring writer in San Francisco, Michelle lived in a communal house; she drank, smoked, snorted anything she got her hands on; she toiled for the minimum wage; and she dated men and women, sometimes both at once. But between hangovers and dead-end jobs, she scrawled in notebooks and organized dive bar poetry readings, working to make her literary dreams real. She proves the road less traveled may be a difficult one, but if you embrace life’s uncertainty and dust yourself off after every screw up, slowly but surely you just might make it to adulthood.

It took Michelle a long time to get her shit together, but she’s made extraordinary leaps in her life since she gave up drugs and alcohol in her early thirties. Aside from one scene that almost made me vomit (it involved the presence of maggots in a fridge), I very much enjoyed reading about her adventures in dating before she found her current partner, getting her first solo apartment after living with roommates for many years, learning how to have a healthy relationship with money, and her decision not to go to college, among many other things.

4) Tales from the Back Row: An Outsider’s View from Inside the Fashion Industry, Amy Odell

Description: Cosmopolitan.com editor Amy Odell takes readers behind the scenes of New York’s hottest fashion shows to meet influential models, designers, celebrities, editors, and photographers. This is a keenly observed collection of personal essays about what it’s like to be a young woman working in the fashion industry.

I don’t know very much about the fashion industry and only have accidental knowledge of clothing trends (if I see a random article online), but I did like this book. The author is down-to-earth and smart, and while she writes about fashion she doesn’t try too hard. She writes about things like interviewing for a position at Vogue with Anna Wintour (she didn’t get it, and is thankful later because the pressure to dress up every day in that environment would have been overwhelming) and being backstage at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Entertaining read.

Okay

5) I Don’t Have a Happy Place: Cheerful Stories of Despondency and Gloom, Kim Korson

Description: Kim has an exquisite talent for negativity. It is only after half a lifetime of finding kernels of unhappiness where others find joy that she begins to wonder if she is even capable of experiencing happiness. This fresh-yet-dark voice is sure to make you laugh, nod your head in recognition, and ultimately understand what it truly means to be unhappy. Always.

As someone with a melancholy personality, I looked forward to this memoir. I was quite disappointed the book did not deliver as advertised until the last two chapters. Every once in a while she’d stick in a sentence about all the depression in her family, or seeing a glass as “less than half empty.”

I wanted tales of despondency and gloom, as the title promised! Instead she focused on the growing-up years of a kid who wasn’t popular, felt like she didn’t fit in, and in early adulthood couldn’t find a job she liked (doesn’t that hold true for most people)?

Those last two chapters? Worth reading. Everything else? I would skip it. Here are two quotes I liked (from pages 253 and 254, respectively):

“People say happiness is a choice, but I think that’s just what happy people say when they go out together to be happy. I don’t really care for going out.”

“I’ve spent most of my years thinking I was just in a bad mood. I was actually in a bad mood for twenty-nine years before it occurred to me that was an awfully long time to be cranky.”

6) The Invisible Girls: A Memoir, Sarah Thebarge

Description: After nearly dying of breast cancer in her twenties, Sarah fled her successful career, her Ivy League education, and a failed relationship, and moved nearly 3,000 miles from the east coast to Portland, Oregon, hoping to quietly pick up the pieces of her broken life. Instead, a chance encounter on a train with a family of Somali refugees swept her into an adventure that changed all of their lives.

This woman overcame incredible odds — breast cancer at a young age, recurrences, multiple surgeries, chemo and radiation, and her boyfriend breaking up with her when he couldn’t handle the pressure. Her history, and how she came to befriend a Somali family, made an interesting read. There were more religious aspects than I expected, but it wasn’t overwhelming (and she was questioning her faith a lot of the time). I looked up her blog and enjoyed this recent post about her work with Compassion International and how successful she’s been with getting people to sponsor needy kids.

7) Shanghai Girls, Lisa See

Description: In 1937 Shanghai, 21-year-old Pearl Chin and her younger sister May are having the time of their lives. Both are beautiful, modern, and carefree—until the day their father tells them he has gambled away their wealth. To repay his debts, he must sell the girls as wives to suitors who have traveled from Los Angeles to find Chinese brides. As Japanese bombs fall on their city, Pearl and May set out on the journey of a lifetime, from the Chinese countryside to the shores of America. Along the way they make terrible sacrifices, face impossible choices, and confront a life-changing secret, but through it all they hold fast to who they are.

I fully intended to rate this book as Recommended until I got to end. Can I PLEASE read some fiction that doesn’t leave a major plot point up in the air? I don’t need every fiction book to wrap up everything in a perfect little bow, but the twist at the end of this one just made me mad. The author could have left the twist out completely and the book would have fine.

8) Running Like a Girl: Notes on Learning to Run, Alexandra Heminsley

Description: When Alexandra decided to take up running, she had hopes for a blissful runner’s high and immediate physical transformation. She hit the streets and failed spectacularly. She tells the story of getting beyond the brutal part, how she made running a part of her life, and reaps the rewards: not just obvious things like weight loss, health, and glowing skin; but self-confidence and immeasurable daily pleasure.

I feel like the author glossed over the whole “starting out as a beginner” part. Her first run was horrible and humbling (which is to be expected), but a page later she was running six miles at a stretch. I don’t know about you guys, but that never happened for me. I’ve tried to take up running various times over the years (I’m currently in non-running mode), and my problem is feeling like I’m never making any progress. I would have liked to hear more details about how she got from that horrible first run to running multiple miles at a time.

9) I’ll Drink to That: A Life in Style, with a Twist, Betty Halbreich

Description: In her late eighties, Betty is a true original. She has spent nearly 40 years as the legendary personal shopper at Bergdorf Goodman, where she works with socialites, stars, and ordinary women off the street. She has helped many find their true selves through fashion, frank advice, and her own brand of wisdom. But Halbreich’s personal transformation from cosseted young girl to fearless truth teller is the greatest makeover of her career.

I read an article about this woman and found it interesting, so I decided to check out the audiobook. I enjoyed learning about her experience working in the store more so than the history of her childhood and marriage. Not a wonderful book, but I liked her as a person.

Not Recommended

10) My Confection: Odyssey of a Sugar Addict, Lisa Kotin

Description: This is a story of where sugar took a teenage mime when she left home in pursuit of artistic greatness. From the strict macrobiotic house where she is kicked out for smuggling Snickers, to her early days of Overeaters Anonymous meetings, Kotin careens from romantic disasters to caloric catastrophes. Kotin comes out of the (sugar) closet, finding allies who understand, and learns how to live healthfully in spite of her compulsion.

My biggest dislike for this book was that it wasn’t what I expected. I expected it to be in the same vein as Year of No Sugar. I knew this woman was a binge eater; I figured she’d get a grip on her disorder once she realized how evil sugar is and tell us about her process. Instead, the book is about her extreme binging, a dysfunctional family, and her insufferable personality — she was a spoiled brat who took money freely from her parents, totaled her sister’s truck, and tells us way too much about all the sexual encounters she participated in while attempting to feel better about herself.

She refused to eat from fast food restaurants and street vendors because they were “too unhealthy.” Yet there was no limit to how many candy bars and other processed sweets she’d consume.

The achievement of finally giving up sugar is mentioned in the first few pages (preface) and the last few pages of the book. It turns out all I needed to read were these lines in the preface, and I could have skipped the rest: “Maybe one day I’ll be able to eat a cookie. For today, one is too many, a thousand are not enough.”

Random Friday

Random Friday, Ver. 116

I published quite a few Random Friday posts back in the day. According to my archives, the first one appeared on November 10, 2006 and the last one appeared on May 27, 2011.

***************************************

Life Happenings:

1) Almost eight years ago, I had laser eye vision correction. Today Paul will undergo the same procedure. (Well, close enough — he’s getting Lasik and I had PRK.) Since I’ve already experienced the euphoria of being able to see everything all the time (I can see as soon as I wake up in the morning! I can see in the shower! No more taking contact lenses in and out of my eyes!), I feel like I’m looking forward to this procedure as much as he is.

(This is the last photo of me in my glasses, April 2007. Good riddance!)

Glasses

2) A few weeks ago, I passed the two-year anniversary at my job. I find it hard to believe I left DC and moved to Buffalo over two-and-a-half years ago. Interestingly, I’ve now been with this employer longer than I have any other, except for my very first grown up job (which I started at age 18 and stayed for seven years – I still have a long time before I pass that milestone).

3) Earlier this week, I completed the process of importing posts from my other two blogs into this one. It was too much effort to keep three websites going, especially since I don’t post on any of them often enough. I didn’t bring over all the posts – only the ones I deemed worth saving.

***************************************

Currently Reading: The Invisible Girls: A Memoir, by Sarah Thebarge. It has a nice message, but I’m not loving it. At least it’s a quick read.

Currently Watching: I really enjoyed the documentary The True Cost. It’s about where most of our clothes come from, and makes me want to pay more attention to such things.

Currently Cooking: Tonight I’m serving Thai Quinoa Chili, which has been a recurring favorite since I discovered the recipe last summer. (I make a few changes to the recipe: I use a full can of coconut milk, 1 cup quinoa, and only 2 cans of kidney beans.) This time I’m making a double batch, and I’ll deliver the extra servings to a friend who is going through treatment for breast cancer. A number of us signed up to deliver meals over the next few months, and I’m happy I get to participate.

***************************************

Favorite Links:

Curious about what people say to childless women? I haven’t had all of these phrases directed at me, but apparently they exist (if anyone ever told me “You’ll never understand love until you have kids,” I would FLIP OUT). Great post.

On a related note: The Unexpected, Exhilarating Freedom of Being Single at 41

Can you imagine a school providing swimsuits to kids, each size (small, medium, large) a different color? How would you feel if you stood out from your skinny classmates like that? It might be a cause for 30 years of body hatred.

Lizz found that it takes walking a 50-lb pit bull to stop the frequent catcalling in her eclectic neighborhood.

I like pretty much everything The Frugalwoods write (their ugly car is even older than my ugly car!). Most recently: A Woman’s Declaration of Financial Independence.

My friend Brenna doesn’t post very often, but I always enjoy it when she does. I only watch football because of my husband, but I found her description of life as a female football fan quite interesting.

***************************************

From the Archives:

One year ago: I Borrowed Library Books [as a kid] Without Checking Them Out. “Our library had a small selection of Sweet Valley Twins books. One day, knowing Mom didn’t approve of them, I slipped one in my purse. This was before books set off alarms if removed from a library without being checked out. Back in the day, books had paper cards in the back which were manually stamped with the due date. I read the book at home, and on our next trip to the library, I replaced it on the shelf. And I took out another one.”

Five years ago: I Learned to Make Excellent Crepes. “We made savory crepes (with ingredients such as prosciutto, smoked salmon, and Gruyère) and sweet crepes for dessert (Nutella with powdered sugar sprinkled on top).”

Six years ago: Snowed In. I was stuck at home for an entire week when the DC area got three feet of snow.

Seven years ago: Writing Your Online Dating Profile: Things to Keep in Mind. “I’ve looked at a fair amount of online dating profiles that were written by males, and I’ve talked to men who have looked at a wide variety of female profiles. Because of this, I’ve been able to draw a very important conclusion: most of us are not very original.”

Ten years ago: This Is How I Played Monopoly As a Kid. “Here is the king of all the made-up rules. The deal with Monopoly is, anyone is supposed to be able to buy any property that hasn’t already been claimed by someone else (as long as they have the money for it). But that isn’t the way Elissa and I played — we would make a decision before the game started about which properties we wanted to be ours.”

Thirteen years ago: Memories From the 1999 Woodstock Reunion. “The result of all this sun exposure was, yes, sunburn. I got burnt so bad on one side of my face that I got sun poisoning, the area from my forehead, to the eye itself, and underneath was swollen. At its worst point my eye was completely swollen shut, but luckily this didn’t happen until the very last day, when we were on our way back to Virginia. It was so bad that I had to go to my doctor the next day; he gave me steroids to take down the swelling.”